How lenient to be about behaviour of a teen revising for GCSEs

[Chocguzel]

How forgiving are you of behaviour when your teen is working hard and stressed by exams?

My 16 year old is studying hard - 6 hours every day of the holidays. Clearly they are stressed and not having a lot of fun although they are meeting friends about every third evening so it’s not like they are having no fun.

At home they are argumentative about everything which isn’t like them. They literally shout about everything and take contrary positions on even simple conversations like what to have for dinner or watch on tv. They constantly pick fights with their siblings which is slightly more like them but is driving me crazy. When asked to help with the tiniest task, like stacking the dishwasher after a meal, they say “I’m bloody revising” and stomp upstairs. Everyday they run up debt to us by buying snacks, meeting friends to study in coffee shops etc, and if we threaten to stop covering the costs they cry and shout that they are revising and we should be supportive.

Ops on how lenient to be about abrasive behaviour right now? If it wasn’t GCSEs I would be pretty furious about this behaviour.

It's fairly standard in the Easter holidays before exams.was in my day and is now

Is she getting any exercise? It sounds like she needs to let off steam physically.

If you can afford the lunches out, that's fine. If not, explain that you can't and suggest they take packed lunch and just buy a coffee.

Personally I ditched any demands on them to help wash up etc during GCSE revision. It's the toughest set of exams ever because it's so diverse.

It is not fine to shout at family. No excuse. I'd stop that immediately and chat with them about de-stress techniques after revision: go for a run, walk or swim, play a ball game with mates, watch a favourite comedy, an hour of gaming.

@ChocguzelDo remind him that a vanishingly small number of people get 12 grade 9s-about 100 across the whole country last year,I think. That’s 100 out of 5 million and that was the most ever. Unrealistically high expectations are as bad as unchallengingly low ones.

11 is a lot of GCSEs and the sciences are content heavy. Getting chemistry up that much is hard. I think tell them to aim for one grade up and all 7, 8 and 9s and not put too much pressure on themselves. I would also set a budget for snacks/lunches, what you can afford. Some do need something to look forward to to motivate.
My DC also doing 11 and similar amounts of work, sometimes even more. Not sure how efficient the work is though.

It’s a bit too much revision if they are doing it. DS got all top grades and probably did around 3 to 4 hours a day max and still played a lot of football and a little gaming was allowed.

I have been in two local libraries in the school holidays and saw no kids of GCSE age revising. They tend to hunker down in their bedrooms don’t they? Well that’s what DS and all his mates and my friend’s children did.

@ZanatdyI did 13 GCSEs on that 1 hour a day so while 1 hour may not be enough for some I still think 6, especially when it’s causing tantrums and bad attitude, is too much for them.

Ds was rejected from Durham uni based on his GCSE grade profile, they stated this in their rejection of him. Their entry grades are A star AA, he was predicted 3 x A star and 1 x A.

His GCSE grade profile was 6 x 9, 3 x 8 and one 7. And they rejected him for an oversubscribed Economics course. He is now at Warwick and loving it. GCSEs are important for some things and sometimes the grades matter for a subject they are not doing.

For anyone saying they personally only did 1 hour a day I would wonder how recent this was. It comes down to a lot of things, the school, the cohort of the class, if you are trying to make up grades because you don't have the staff at the school teaching to a higher level etc.

6 hours sounds a lot but if you consider they are probably awake for 14 hours and these are the last holidays before exams start I would say it is within normal but at the higher end.

However, even studying that hard they don't get to be pissy at you and I would be telling them that and also set a daily limit for spends.

My ds did get overwhelmed and very stressed, I found the way to support him was to have plentiful of food in the house that he’d want to eat as that was also something he was stressing about (he was mid a massive growth spurt, very hungry and obsessed about eating non-upf). I also cut him some slack with nagging him about tidying his room.
It doesn’t help that the teachers stress them out. You must be coming to the end of the Easter hols now so I’d cut your dd some slack, but have words around behaviour and cost before she leaves school for good, and hits the revision period.

Op I think they are taking the micky.

I'd get them their own bank account asap and give them a set budget for the week. Rather than being able to dip into your account when they feel like it.

I also suspect they are stressed but out meeting friends rather than actually studying.

I think you need to explain to them that they will get nowhere in life if this is how unpleasant they get when under pressure. Getting 8s and 9s is fine, but they still need to be a considerate human. That’s one of life’s lessons too.

13 GCSEs would indicate a long time ago or a private school as most state schools will do 9 or 10 because there isn't room in the timetable for more. Ds1 has 9, the standard, Ds2 has 10 because they changed the combined science to a triple which involved coming into school on a Saturday morning in year 11 to teach the extra content. If they take triple then it is usually done as an option subject as they need the extra hours in addition to the usual science lessons.

The exams were overhauled I think in 2017 and there is a lot more content. I have supported both my children through their GCSEs and it is completely different to when I sat mine in the 90s.

How long ago?
Did you have coursework and/or modular exams and/or controlled assessments?

Now more or less all exams are terminal, with only practical subjects getting marks in the bag in advance.

3 maths exams, 2 eng lang, 2 eng lit, 6 for science before you even start on options.

@AeroMeChocChocDs was rejected from Durham uni based on his GCSE grade profile, they stated this in their rejection of him. Their entry grades are A star AA, he was predicted 3 x A star and 1 x A.
His GCSE grade profile was 6 x 9, 3 x 8 and one 7. And they rejected him for an oversubscribed Economics course.”
Gosh, I’ve never heard of that happening. Do they give feedback on all their rejections?

5 million??!
Isn't it more like 700,000 students sit GCSEs.

But yes, very small numbers get all 9s.

Have you seen much evidence of actual revision going on, books, notes, post-it notes, marker pens, a general mess of work in progress?

It does sound like your teen is protesting rather loudly about how much revision they are doing and that for me is ringing alarm bells.

Do they actually understand what they should be doing, how to revise effectively?

Have their school got them following a revision timetable, resources online?

IMO, it is just not possible to be able to revise, in a group, in a coffee shop during the Easter holidays which is a red flag.

I also cannot understand the logic of disturbing much needed sleep to put yourself through a further 6 hours of revision if you have been putting in truly effective hours either.

They will reach burnout long before the exams start if they continue on this path. I'd be talking to them and asking if they need any help...

I wouldn’t wake them up for early revision unless they had something fun planned for the afternoon.

I cut a bit of slack for mine doing GCSEs. This stage is particularly labour intensive- it actually seems to get easier once the exams begin.

I tend to think a mixture of working alone at home and in study groups can work well. Talking to peers can be a good outlet.

DS did a lot of past papers & questions online so generally needed to be at home for that.

rudeness however is non negotiable. And money was provided with a weekly limit.

Horses for courses re the 6 hours/less revision I think. My DS is certainly not doing that (maybe 3 hours of actual revision) but my algorithm on insta is clearly set to GCSE posts for some reason and a woman keeps popping up saying 4 hours to little, 8 too much, 6 is sweet spot!! Scary.

French starts next week and my DS has already done French oral so it's now very real for them. No wonder they are stressed. I'd completely ignore any bad behaviour, let them do exactly what they want in their free time as long as they don't stay up too late and buy them whatever snack or treat they want. It's a big thing for them and it's the culmination of two years work so we parents just need to keep nice and relaxed for them.

I think GCSEs are quite a bit harder than GCSEs when I did them (second year ever). There's been no dumbing down that I can see, particularly in chemistry where I got an A and moles were the hardest topic; I don't even know where to start with my DS's syllabus!

Thanks all. There is definitely revision going on as I see lots of notes and cards and stuff. I’m not saying there is no messing around but the ey aren’t totally taking the piss. I think their mock results show they generally work hard.

They are also an early riser so waking early isn’t unusual. They will do fun stuff this afternoon including going to the gym with me then meeting friends. I will use the 1:1 time at the gym to have a proper talk about both rudeness and managing stress better.

DD did her GCSE’s last year. She did one in year 10, RE, as does everyone in her school. Then she did 11 last summer. They do 10 as standard, then she did further maths. This is a state school. Most private schools do less, not more in my experience.

From how you describe the rudeness it sounds exactly like stress. My DS1 was like this. Just ignore it..it's only for a few weeks and doesn't sound too bad. She probably doesn't need you on her case. She probably does need you to be really relaxed and calm and suggest she manage her stress levels though, as you say.

Kids are terrible (from recollection) for revving each other up about the amount of revision they've done. Or alternatively telling everyone they've done completely no revision at all and still somehow coming out with straight As. Either way it's going to be stressful for your DD.

There are stats on it:

www.gov.uk/government/publications/infographic-gcse-results-2024/infographics-for-gcse-results-2024-accessible#all-grade-9s-in-all-subjects-taken-in-2024-16-year-olds--england-only

I don't think the amount of revision is excessive - I was revising pretty much constantly in the run up to my GCSEs (back in the dark ages, I was in the third cohort to take them).

You should cancel the open access to your bank account if it is being abused and transfer a fixed weekly allowance instead - otherwise your DC will never learn about budgeting.

Maybe learn about budgeting after the exams though. At the moment, treats are good!