How lenient to be about behaviour of a teen revising for GCSEs

[Chocguzel]

How forgiving are you of behaviour when your teen is working hard and stressed by exams?

My 16 year old is studying hard - 6 hours every day of the holidays. Clearly they are stressed and not having a lot of fun although they are meeting friends about every third evening so it’s not like they are having no fun.

At home they are argumentative about everything which isn’t like them. They literally shout about everything and take contrary positions on even simple conversations like what to have for dinner or watch on tv. They constantly pick fights with their siblings which is slightly more like them but is driving me crazy. When asked to help with the tiniest task, like stacking the dishwasher after a meal, they say “I’m bloody revising” and stomp upstairs. Everyday they run up debt to us by buying snacks, meeting friends to study in coffee shops etc, and if we threaten to stop covering the costs they cry and shout that they are revising and we should be supportive.

Ops on how lenient to be about abrasive behaviour right now? If it wasn’t GCSEs I would be pretty furious about this behaviour.

Triple science and 10/11 GCSE’s standard at a few of the state schools around here but within a normal timetable. No extra hours in the week or weekend. Were the teachers volunteering that time?

If teens today are taking 10 subjects, with no coursework or controlled assessments, there is nothing in the bank and it comes down to 2-3 exams per GCSE. If these average 2 hours each, that's a lot of content to remember and a lot of different skills they need show under timed conditions. The only way to do all of that well is to learn throughout the course AND revise thoroughly. None of it can be pulled off without extensive practice.

But as you point out, people learn differently, they behave differently. I am educated to Masters degree level and have always worked better under pressure, I prefer to study in an ultra focused way. My son is similar but he enjoys his subjects anyway so reads publications and books on his subjects for pleasure! Even in my work, this style of working is useful for the kind of job I do as sometimes the hours need to be put in, regardless, due to immovable deadlines! Equally, a main requirement of my work is attention to detail, that can't be always done in a set time period, if it isn't, I can't just leave it, I need to work later etc. or log back on later in the evening.

Yes, that's the other big difference for my son there is only one small percentage of one subject that is coursework, the rest is exam, exam, exam!

And respectfully (and I really do mean that), AAB would not be high enough grades for any of the unis, DS has had offers for. I was really surprised what these unis were asking for.

Apologies, awful wording. I was surprised at the grades being asked for.

I'm not convinced. I got my first job at 14 and worked consistently through my education but I think I would have been better off of I could have focused on my studies.

I do agree with this.

GCSE is a measure of diligence more than anything else; there is very little in the content that most students couldn’t understand if given enough time/enough hours sitting at a desk.

I think there is a balance, however. No university is going to choose an applicant with great gcses over one with fabulous predicted A levels and, perhaps equally if not more important, high performance in an ability based entry test. But they nonetheless form one part of the profile and also offer a first real opportunity for teens to learn how to revise and approach these exams for the more significant years of study ahead. For that reason I also think supporting them through it and encouraging a good work ethic - and uni exams WILL require long days in the lead up, as do thesis submissions - is important.

At this stage I would agree 3-6 hours is reasonable, broken up and dependent on effectiveness.

But the “9 collectors” ( ie beyond a sensible number of targeted high grades) aren’t really demonstrating as much as I sometimes think they imagine they are demonstrating, and to achieve it, something’s gotta give.

Nope. I really wouldn't have tolerated the constant rudeness and disruption. Both our DDs attended a very academic grammar school, and expectations were incredibly high. But that never gave them an excuse to act like animals.

I think one of dd3's friends in the year above has been asked for 4 A at A level. I rememberdd2 was asked for AAA with the A in further maths (this was the year after As were introduced, she was taking 4 A levels) and she felt this meant they didn't want her. She was predicted A in further maths.

I'm not sure why the stars are not being shown or why some words are in bold!

What Uni’s ask for 4 A Levels?

Heaven help us if we don’t see the stars!

Yep agree - the not so stealth boasting is dull and irrelevant.

It was Cambridge for phy nat sci - 4 A stars (mumsnet doesn't seem to recognise the star on my keyboard)

Thanks for clarifying- very important that we all know this.

How frustrating to not be able to type the stars out.

Stars either side of words make those words bold
eg
I have typed a star then then words and will end with a star

And italicise them apparently!

No, Mumsnet is programmed to format the text between the stars into bold, but that's obviously very challenging to notice or understand, without any GCE A(dvanced) level qualifications, even with the equivalent of 4 A* grades.

How did this thread get so catty? 🙀

Well I'm not the one with 4 A*s! I do have 12 O levels but the calculator had barely been invented back then so certainly no help with the intricacies of formatting a post on mumsnet.

It's not a stealth boast, none of them are Oxbridge, it's a factual response. They are AAA minimum for the course, I was surprised as two of them my conditional offer back in the 90s was BBB.

I think it is really helpful to see what the entry requirements are for competitive courses now @Goldenbear.

It is a good riposte to some of the "my auntie's goldfish got into Oxford with 3Bs in 1960 and only did an hour's revision a week" comments.

😂, well I'm glad it is helpful for some.

As a mum to two going through GCSEs, I wouldn’t put up with the bad attitude, but wouldn’t go nuclear either as exams are stressful. Just a gentle word and try to support her whilst she’s stressed. I’ve never tolerated lack of respect (towards us or them). One of mine puts a lot of pressure on herself to get 8s and 9s as she wants to study medicine, but that doesn’t give her license to be an arse to the rest of us or waste money. Lunch or coffee not a big deal, but not every day. I can’t afford to do that every day either! Why doesn’t she have her own account with an allowance in it rather than being linked to your’s? Would make her a little more responsible, maybe?

@SeaSwim5 ,

‘That is a terrible attitude. Every single DC should be expected to get the best results they're capable of- whether all 9s or 5s.

They don't need to study 24/7 but should be doing lots of revision hours, along with exercise and relaxation.’

I find your attitude so depressing, and it contributes to the perfectionist attitude of so many pupils I taught in the past, the ones who wanted endless remarks of tests and were obsessed with mark schemes.

Of course you need good results but a few nines, some 8s and 7s is fine. Far better to get those results and have a genuine deep interest and passion for a few subjects than learn mark schemes for 11 or 12 GCSES.