How lenient to be about behaviour of a teen revising for GCSEs

[Chocguzel]

How forgiving are you of behaviour when your teen is working hard and stressed by exams?

My 16 year old is studying hard - 6 hours every day of the holidays. Clearly they are stressed and not having a lot of fun although they are meeting friends about every third evening so it’s not like they are having no fun.

At home they are argumentative about everything which isn’t like them. They literally shout about everything and take contrary positions on even simple conversations like what to have for dinner or watch on tv. They constantly pick fights with their siblings which is slightly more like them but is driving me crazy. When asked to help with the tiniest task, like stacking the dishwasher after a meal, they say “I’m bloody revising” and stomp upstairs. Everyday they run up debt to us by buying snacks, meeting friends to study in coffee shops etc, and if we threaten to stop covering the costs they cry and shout that they are revising and we should be supportive.

Ops on how lenient to be about abrasive behaviour right now? If it wasn’t GCSEs I would be pretty furious about this behaviour.

That's why dd3 was determined to do well in her gcses last year - she got 10 9s and A in FMSQ but only got a 7 in her music as her teacher (who has now left the profession) didn't realise how long the performance should have been and hers was about 20 seconds too short! She'll be gutted if that affects her university applications. She is doing IB - predicted 42/43.

There's still absolutely no reason for them to be opting out of this.

I think some teens just find it an ordeal and parents wonder which battles to pick.

In this case I’d be picking the “ how much revision ARE you actually doing?” battle I think.

'Son, Bear' 😂, sorry, didn't mean this is in a bragging way, it wasn't the case at GCSE's, he has just really enjoyed specialising, sometimes he will ask me if I have listened to a certain podcast yet and he is actually disappointed that I haven't had time, I was definitely lazier than him so maybe that poster has a point, my Mum indulged me but sadly I did have to learn how to load a dishwasher 🤣

I have a relative who was rejected by Durham based upon their GCSES, luckily they are pleased with the very good uni they ended up going to.

Don’t panic, he did more than me!

I was very unwell as a child so my parents took all pressure off with regards school work so I did absolutely zero revision for my GCSE’s. I’m not even joking! I think I attempted to read one of those revision books for one subject and got bored 😅
Fortunately I was quite bright and came out with B’s and a couple of C’s. Yeh I could have got A*’s if I’d put some effort in but I got what I needed to get into sixth form so all was fine. I ended up going to university and becoming a teacher so I didn’t do badly.
Mum used to ask “how’s revision going?” and I’d just answer “fine thanks”. I’m fairly sure she knew I wasn’t doing any 😂
I spent study leave at the stables riding ponies and competing every weekend. Fabulous times!

It was only a gentle tease of all of us really, because as parents everyone one does things differently, as much as anything because all children are different. I don’t think I there is a “ one and only” way.

Durham was dd2's insurance choice but I know she was stressing about all the cobblestones with her high heels. She did have 12 A* gcses and ended up going to Cambridge.

Yes, to be fair, people are different and I'm not sure who it was but a poster did say that their child seemed to want to process the stress by doing these tasks. My eldest is ultra focused as I know he's just offering to do housework so as to the right thing but it isn't necessary. He doesn't find it a good distraction as it were.

I think the point of dishwasher gate is that if the OP's son/daughter used to empty it a few weeks ago and is now being stroppy, and not doing so. It's out of character and is a clear indicator that they are stressed.

So does one have an argument insisting that they do it, which will inevitably lead to resentment, a bad atmosphere and less revision being done, or does one not force the issue and just let them "be" for these few weeks?

Oh sorry, I read that post as current, when I re-read your post, I realised the number of 9s she was awarded and thought she won't have anything to worry about!

I would obviously side with the leave them alone until over argument but honestly, once over DS is getting a job and saving up for Uni!

Genuinely , thanks for the reassurance. Mine is very bright too and has an enquiring mind and a great memory but he's managed to hide that from the teachers, so his targets are 5s across the board and he views that as an upper expectation. I'm sure he do well enough but I don't want him to regret not bothering.

That was me!! I remember when caught in a thesis rut having a burning desire to deep clean and polish all the chrome-ware! For me it was running away to a simple, achievable outcome.

Actually come to think of it, I was a bit like that for my finals as my Mum was telling me to leave the housework but I was very much wanting the distraction, that and as I am quite old my personal printer wasn't very good (2001)and I was close to chucking it of the window, at the time I wished I'd stayed at uni and used the library ones.

How has this turned in to a showy off thread? Ooh my child got 10 9s and ‘only’ a 7 in music.. Boo hoo. Not relevant but glad you shared that

@Delatron

In my view, we are far too shy about praising and spotlighting academic achievements in this country.

Schools and society generally are rightly proud of DC who win a sports tournament or appear in a play.

We should absolutely be praising those who work hard to get top grades.

Yep when relevant for sure -
in real life. If this is was a thread about ‘how many 9s did your child get?’ I just can’t see how this has been shoe-horned in to this thread.

Same poster going on about her other child with 12 A*s going to Cambridge.
Ok thanks for sharing…

Is that not a piss take?
What sort of muppet chooses a uni based on whether they can easily wear heels?

Yeah must be…

I thought they were responding to the poster about the relevance of GCSES? It is relevant in that context as it is so competitive out there it isn't like my day, graduated in 2001, I have the age of child going to uni, I have relatives with kids leaving uni applying for 110 graduate jobs and they are at a RG studying computer science, I have DH and other close relative recruiting for graduate positions and it isn't like in the 00s for a start the digital sorting of applicants get rid of some candidates with certain grades at GCSES. I wouldn't have the job I had in the 00s on the grades I achieved now, neither would DH, neither would my relative in a law firm. Unfortunately, my DS didn't particularly enjoy revision for GCSES due to the vastness of it, he loves A levels due to specialisation. The housing crisis is awful, the social contract is dead, I honestly think we are going very, very wrong as a society but the reality is difficult compared to the past in this area IMO.

I think you should cut them some slack. They are stressed up to the eyeballs if studying six hours a day and under the pressure of wanting 8’s and 9’s. It doesn’t help being nagged to do housework (shouldn’t they have some leeway on that when studying for exams?) and being jumped on for choosing to study at a coffee shop with friends. So what? If they are running up too much debt using Apple Pay then take that option away and surely give them a weekly or monthly allowance instead? Then they can use that for the snacks and coffee shop trips.

By all means remind them if the behaviour crosses a line but you also need to pick your battles and be kind.

It doesn’t seem relevant to me and seems like a not so stealth boast. We don’t need to know how many 9s and A*s every one of her children got.

Agree and this is back on topic.