How lenient to be about behaviour of a teen revising for GCSEs

[Chocguzel]

How forgiving are you of behaviour when your teen is working hard and stressed by exams?

My 16 year old is studying hard - 6 hours every day of the holidays. Clearly they are stressed and not having a lot of fun although they are meeting friends about every third evening so it’s not like they are having no fun.

At home they are argumentative about everything which isn’t like them. They literally shout about everything and take contrary positions on even simple conversations like what to have for dinner or watch on tv. They constantly pick fights with their siblings which is slightly more like them but is driving me crazy. When asked to help with the tiniest task, like stacking the dishwasher after a meal, they say “I’m bloody revising” and stomp upstairs. Everyday they run up debt to us by buying snacks, meeting friends to study in coffee shops etc, and if we threaten to stop covering the costs they cry and shout that they are revising and we should be supportive.

Ops on how lenient to be about abrasive behaviour right now? If it wasn’t GCSEs I would be pretty furious about this behaviour.

From a PP above doing only 1 hour revision per day! I’m surprised they did so well especially if they’re having to sit 11 GCSEs.

My view is if my child is revising the hours she is (a lot) then I will do everything else for her and just carry her for these couple of months. I’ve seen no attitude/personality change. It’s what you do to support them.

@Chocguzel - I would not be one bit concerned about your DC. They are self driven and working hard, finding some balance to socialise etc, it is pretty much textbook recipe for success. Setting themselves high standards and organising everything themselves, you should be very proud.

My eldest DC did their GCSEs last year. It was a struggle as they were/are super laid back and didn’t do much revision at all until the end. BUT they were never stressed - I was though 😂 He still did well and got the grades he needed, better in some cases. Yes he could have done better but I honestly don’t think it’s worth the stress and possibility of a decline in their mental health. I honestly think if a child is fairly average in terms of academics, does a bit of work and has quite a good memory and no SEN they will do well without working themselves into the ground for weeks/months before. It also helps if there’s no pressure to attain all 8s and 9s. My son got a range of 5s, 6s and a couple of 7s which is great in my/his opinion. Life’s too short!

But wot about the dishwasher?

Nah it has changed to “wot bout da Cider”?

My kid is not being a dick and unkind or spending my money without permission. You could just keep spending on Apple Pay until it said no. What amount would that be? I’ve just spent £60 on shopping and £30 fuel today. Not been stopped.

I am asking my kid to revise gently but what am I supposed to do? Stick his nose in revision books and force him to sit there? He has severe exam anxiety and struggling. He can quite easily knock out level 8 answers in classroom but not exams. So probably doesn’t need to revise at all.

So thanks for your helpful comment, I hope you feel proud of yourself being mean on social media.

@welshmercury - start doing daily briefing and relaxation techniques. The internet is full of examples, but you need to practise the breathing daily.
Here is an example https://www.northwestern.edu/breathe/test-anxiety/

Meant to say “breathing” and mind clearing exercises together. Picture a safe place etc.

Having a little part time job and doing a few jobs around the house along side education at the age of 16 onwards in no way prevents you from enjoying the “highs and lows” of an academic education. In fact, for some people, it’s simple necessity. And I honestly think it’s beneficial. I did it because I had to but it stood me in really good stead for getting and keeping a full time job. I have never been out of work. My friends who were not expected to work or do anything around the home really struggled to get and keep a full time job. Some still do and we are pushing 50. And, as an employer it absolutely shows through in interviews. If young people have been given everything by well meaning parents? They are often not very employable.

I worked in a clothes shop as well at 16 and my DS did work at a Bakers but he doesn't anymore as he needs to focus on his A levels. As an Employer that's the position you take but qualifications for some jobs are wheat from the chaff before you even get to the interview stage, hence the job is on hold until the end of exams.

It’s not a “position I take”. I sit in interviews and have to decide who is best to work in the business. And yes of course qualifications are important. My point though is that those young people who have never been expected to do anything else? Who have all the qualifications but have never done anything else? They do not do well in interview because they do not understand the world of work and in interview? That shows. So many allowances have been made for them and they expect that to continue. Unfortunately for them, that is not how work works!

It’s all ridiculous. How can you make someone absorb information.

Well it is the position 'you' take as you are specifically focusing on the importance of a job through exam periods whereas experience can be gained via a holiday job or at times when there are no exam periods, as was the case for my DS when he had a Saturday job in year 1 of sixth form college. You seem to think you are the only one employing people but you don't speak for all Employers with that specific preference. I sit on interview panels, my DH is a director at an Architectural practice, I have a family member who is employing people as a very senior person on a law firm, nobody is going to think anything of the working during A level exam time, they would think it was sensible to maximise their results.

To add, it is confirmation bias as I did work up until the end of term 1 of year 2 of my A levels but I quit the job to concentrate on my studies, like you, I have always had employment so I'm personally think it doesn't have an impact.

Having a job or having expectations other than education placed upon them makes young people far more employable and actually makes the transition into full time work far easier for THEM. And that absolutely shows at interview. I honestly don’t care whether they worked 1 or 2 or 3 jobs or when they did or did not do that, or if they took breaks in between. But if they’ve never done anything at all? It shows. That’s just a fact.

Only 145 candidates in the whole UK got 11 or more 9s...

And they’re all on Mumsnet, of course.

I just don't think loading a dishwasher etc. is a priority for DS atm.

@Reflectionsreflections

I have also interviewed for professional roles, and frankly I wouldn't be impressed by a candidate who was working during exam season.

Exam results stay with you for life, and are far more important than earning a fiver an hour at Asda.

There is plenty of time for work experience during holidays.

Read what I wrote? It is not about working or having responsibilities at home specifically during exam periods, it’s about working or having responsibilities at all!.
I don’t understand though why you wouldn’t be impressed by someone who had managed to work and obtain good exam results? Judging by some of the posts on here, many people seem to believe that is impossible, so surely, if a young person manages to do that, it IS impressive?

6 hours a day is insane and actually a really ineffective way of studying. Studying in small manageable chunks a few times a day is much better. The best way of all is to study over the whole course, refreshing periodically what you have learned so far. So much less pressure when it comes to the final exams. Schools should spend more time teaching kids effective study techniques, as most people are pretty lost when it comes to studying and just wing it as they don’t know the best and most effective methods for retaining information. Each learner is different too, so what works for one won’t work for another. One thing is universally true though, too much pressure and stress is counterproductive.

There is way too much ‘stealth’ bragging on this thread (though not very stealthy).

Collecting 9s at GCSE is not actually a very healthy hobby, certainly beyond 10. Why would you want to study 12 subjects not very deeply?!

Everyone has their own targets and aspirations and they don’t need more than 3-6 hours revision a day to achieve them, and they also need days off.

if you become a studying machine to achieve 12 9s, that is problematic psychologically (and maybe parentally, if they are driving it), not something to boast about.

@LaDamaDeElche

6 hours a day is the minimum any DC aiming for top grades should be doing during Easter.

@Newbutoldfather

That is a terrible attitude. Every single DC should be expected to get the best results they're capable of- whether all 9s or 5s.

They don't need to study 24/7 but should be doing lots of revision hours, along with exercise and relaxation.

If they’ve studied through the course absolutely not. I didn’t even do anywhere near that much for A levels and got two As and a B. Sitting down for six hours and trying to cram information into your head isn’t an effective study method. It’s about how you study and using effective methods for the type of learner you are, not for how many hours you sit there.