How lenient to be about behaviour of a teen revising for GCSEs

[Chocguzel]

How forgiving are you of behaviour when your teen is working hard and stressed by exams?

My 16 year old is studying hard - 6 hours every day of the holidays. Clearly they are stressed and not having a lot of fun although they are meeting friends about every third evening so it’s not like they are having no fun.

At home they are argumentative about everything which isn’t like them. They literally shout about everything and take contrary positions on even simple conversations like what to have for dinner or watch on tv. They constantly pick fights with their siblings which is slightly more like them but is driving me crazy. When asked to help with the tiniest task, like stacking the dishwasher after a meal, they say “I’m bloody revising” and stomp upstairs. Everyday they run up debt to us by buying snacks, meeting friends to study in coffee shops etc, and if we threaten to stop covering the costs they cry and shout that they are revising and we should be supportive.

Ops on how lenient to be about abrasive behaviour right now? If it wasn’t GCSEs I would be pretty furious about this behaviour.

Yes but did you or did you not ask her to empty the dishwasher while she was revising?

I was referring to the post before the Cambridge one tbh which I thought was about the relevance of GCSES. I think in the context of the OP's query, I don't think the dishwasher is a big deal because of the long term impact of what is in life a very small period.

Being realistic, they are going to be at school next week, idk how much study leave they get but a lot now don't seem to get any, so apart from May half term this is a really short amount of time they are going to be at home, and by mid June it will be all over.

I'd be inclined just to let it go

When revising for A levels I would supposedly be studying at the library all day. However a lot of that time was spent with friends in the nearby coffee bar.

Just caught up with this thread. Thanks for all the replies and I have had a good chuckle about all the in depth arguments about dishwasher stacking either being tantamount to child abuse at a time like this, or being a sign I’m babying my child as they could and should also be stripping beds, hoovering and presumably also going up the chimney to sweep it.

In our family one child always lays the table, one clears the table and stacks the dishwasher and one washes the pans that can’t go in the dishwasher. Its how we have always worked and takes them each about 6 minutes a day. It’s a deeply ingrained routine so the refusal and rudeness was a surprise and made me reflect on their stress levels. There is no more or less to it than that.

Anyway, in an update, DC studied at home all morning yesterday and I watched them and was amazed how focused they were, they were concentrating for the full six hours and only took breaks when their alarm went off for a snack time. So I don’t think they are lying about the way they work or exaggerating what they are doing. They crammed it all in so it was over by three then went out with friends for hours and came home slightly tipsy at 10pm so hopefully letting their hair down will have cheered them up. They are already up again this morning and are being quite charming, even making me a coffee without being asked, so that’s a good sign.

They did all their regular 'chores' which weren't many! I don't remember it being an issue tbh. I had dd3 when dd1 was in year 11 and also had ds who was 4.

My kids did less GCSEs than I did 25 years ago (and we all did the standard amount for the time, no one dropped any subjects etc).

6 hours between the time you posted and lunch is too much. They won’t take it all in. All the revision guides say you should do it in smaller chunks with small breaks in between.

Not number of GCSEs. Number of exams squashed into May/June of y11.

I feel there was a certain undercurrent to

@rosemarble 's question which may have been missed here...🤣

Sounds like it’s going better, op. the school where I work is advising 6 hours of revision during the holiday. As a GCSE and A Level teacher of many years, it depends on the student but four to six is reasonable. Interleaving and spaced retrieval. High quality, active revision. With downtime and exercise time built in which you are doing. The holidays are presumably nearly over. Next stage is getting in the right headspace for exams. I remind students that exams are a rite of passage that most people do but do not give them the right to behave like an idiot to people around them! Stress does strange things to people though. Best of luck.

Maybe but it’s also their choice and I suppose everyone learns and concentrates differently. Given this approach got them good mock results I’m not going to interfere too much with how they choose to structure their study.

Sorry this was meant to be a response to @DurinsBane saying six hours all in a chunk was a bad approach.

I'd actually be more concerned that allowing them to come home tipsy at 15/16 is too lenient in the run up to GCSEs.

@Hti

I'd have no issue whatsoever with 15/16 year olds drinking, but agree exam season isn't the time to do it.

Alcohol affects the brain and will reduce the quality of revision the next day.

I have one DS in year 11 and another at uni and neither would want to drink alcohol during exams.

Go easy. This is not a battle that you are going to win. Just support her. If you can't afford the coffees, explain that. If you can make changes to accommodate her coffee breaks, then do that.
I think that you should sign her up to the Calm app, maybe take her swimming and give her lots of reassurance that you will be proud of her however she does.

Maybe no issue with them drinking at home or for occasions or holidays, but given that it's illegal for them to buy it (and there was already much debating the harms of even groups in coffee shops when trying to focus) and the fact that sleep, hydration and nutrition all matter in being prepared, it seems shortsighted.

If a kid is rude and won't do chore and that's the thread (alongside the fact that alcohol isn't good way to deal with stress, which was also mentioned), it just seems at odds to be fine with them being out getting drunk.

I would presume an adult has bought it though and it is legal for over 5s to drink in a private home.

I wouldn’t be concerned about them drinking after exams (bit of a rite of passage for year 11), but I am surprised that a DC who seems to be working hard wouldn’t be thinking about the negative impacts of alcohol during this period.

It was a couple of ciders at a multi generational BBQ on a bank holiday weekend so I’m not remotely worried about the alcohol.i genuinely think it will have had less impact on memory that a couple of hours mindlessly scrolling tik tok with the benefits that it was fun and social.

I agree. Nice for them to have a break and socialise. .

I have no issue at all with teens drinking in moderation, but I am a bit surprised someone who if clearly focused on their exams would want to at this stage.

It will have some impact on memory and information retention.

Basic manners are non-negotiable. I got all A*'s at A-levels, worked a job and was respectful to my parents. Your child is stressed and that definitely needs to be addressed but hostility to you isn't the answer.

The phrase about finishing revising at 3pm, going out with friends and coming home tipsy at 10pm didn't make it sound anything like a multigenerational barbecue scenario. It sounded more like like obtaining alcohol with mates and drinking in public/all afternoon to excess.

At 16 if you drank all afternoon “to excess” you would be way more than tipsy surely? Tipsy is generally used to mean very slightly affected by alcohol.

As a teen, either that or it had started to wear off after we had run out!