Has anyone ever became a guardian of a child suddenly?

[lightlycultured]

If so, how did this affect your relationship? Likely to get guardianship of niece following sudden death of my sister. It has caused some resentment with partner already, particularly as we already have a child and only wanted one however no one could have anticipated this. Haven’t even had a chance to grieve with this looming over us.

If there are other family members would people not help you out with school drop offs / wraparound care to make it possible for you?

you’re the best possible person to have her but surely everyone can see the logistical challenges and will be willing to help to enable this to happen?

lots of communication and open conversations with everyone including your partner.

so sorry for your terrible loss

What country are you in? MN advice can be UK-centric, but having a warrant out for arrest for not paying child support doesn't sound like the UK.

To answer your question, to put it bluntly and simply, if you’re married you’re entitled to a share of your dh assets (including pensions etc) if he leaves. If you’re not married you’re not - only child support for your biological child. So the lower earner is financially vulnerable if unmarried.

This is part of the problem with people forcing the conversation before we all agreed, I’m not actually sure. I really hope so.

Yes, me.
Also due to the sudden death of my sister. So sorry for your loss.

It's a bit different as my nephew is a teen, and I am single.
It has been really really tough, I won't lie.

Expect interference from Social Services but zero help. No financial support from anywhere.

I am so sorry that you have lost your sister. This much be such a hard time. I will say to look into the type of kinship caring, as it can affect what resources are available. A colleague has custody of her granddaughter and she isn't considered a looked after child, so doesn't get school priority or mental health support from her early childhood trauma. Remember, social service and local authorities will always offer the least and try to get you to cover more, so a developer level of support needs to be agreed beforehand you take her (if you do).

I can undertake your partner's point of view and don't think it reflects badly on him. Taking on an additional child is huge, especially one who has suffered such a loss.

It is UK, I can only go off what my sister told me a few weeks ago. As I understand it, it’s taken a long time to get to this point and they can’t go through his door for it or anything, and won’t make much of an effort to reach him but if a situation arose they could arrest him. Meaning if they tried to contact him about her passing he would probably avoid it. I may have wrong info.

Rather than thinking lose your job
Think get extra help people to pick up and drop off from school etc
Wider family can help Physically or £

I'm sorry I don't know much (I'm an adopter).

They are more than foster care but less than adoption. But especially if there is a Dad hiding in the shadows an SGO may give you some legal security. You'd need to talk to SS I think.

Sorry for your loss too. Thanks for being honest, I anticipated very little support from authorities (despite what family members assure me with as much knowledge as me!)

Yes, I don't think she would ever be considered a looked after child (unless she actually did go into care of course). Also be aware that even if you adopted her it wouldn't count for priority school places etc as that has to be adopted from care.

We've had DN with us for almost 8 months.

It's been tough as he wasn't meant to come to us. His Mummy didn't want him to be part of a big family (we have 6 kids, 3 adults away at uni or moved out, 3 at home) so he was meant to be with another relative.

Unfortunately that only lasted 6 weeks before it was too much. For that reason I'd urge you to really really think about it - the upheaval of settling in there and visiting his mummy and then having to move made his wee life so much worse at a rough time.

Have a brutally honest conversation with your partner. It's got to be a chat where you can both totally freely discuss all the concerns - and not just the big ones about finances, space and time, but the little ones too as it's the little ones that breed daily irritation.

With your wider family ask them for help, but make your decisions based on no help. That way if any help arrives it's a bonus. People help a lot in the beginning but when their lives go back to normal they forget and help slips away.

Look into SGO. Also look into kinship caring - some places pay allowances easier than others (some won't get involved at all). Here Dn's social worker has been helpful with practicals like jumping a nursery waiting list and help with school transport to allow juggling appointments. She is a rarity though I think. Many social workers are burned out because of overload.

Yes - depending on who owns your house and other assets worst case scenario, if it is only his name on the deeds, you are left homeless and living off child support for his one biological child if he leaves. He walks away from the relationship with his assets intact.

This has happened to people I know so it is a reality. If you are married most often assets become martial assets and are then divided.

Lots of mums don't seem to realise how vulnerable they are if unmarried and it's their DPs house they are living in.

Contact kinship care, they can provide a lot of really helpful advice. They specialise in family members caring for related children.

https://kinship.org.uk/what-is-kinship-care/

I’m so sorry for your loss.

I don’t think this is a situation that requires social services involvement, you may want to ask if they can advise you, but it may also make things more complicated. As she isn’t a looked after child they wouldn’t get involved financially etc is my understanding. I don’t think it qualifies as private fostering as she is a close relative. Different areas may vary in how involved they would be. I think would be likely to try to contact her Dad if he is known even though not on birth certificate.

Organisations that support kinship carers are likely to be a great source of advice on practicalities like getting a special guardianship order, which would give you parental responsibility for your niece (I believe you can just apply to the courts yourself for this).

Winston’s wish is a great resource for children who have had a bereavement. School when she starts may be able to access play therapy and counselling.

You may want to check what if any benefits you would be eligible for, and if your work would agree any special leave (or a sabbatical?) in the meantime. If she hasn’t started school, could she get a place at a more convenient school? Perhaps one with a preschool for your daughter to make things easier long term?

It sounds like there are lots of people who care about her, and hopefully a wider family plan around support can be made.

Best of luck x

Can they contribute financially so you can get support in to help you juggle everything?

Op no real advice but look at ‘notyouraveragefamily’ on instagram.

if I remember rightly they took guardianship of niece and nephew and talk openly about how hard it was and where to access support etc

good luck

Is there any money in your sister's estate? Would she have had Pensions, or death in service?

Thanks for all this info. I’d hate to put her through something then realise we couldn’t do it, though I don’t think I’d do that anyway. I think with a 4 and a 2 year old we know we’d suddenly have no time or space. It’s the kids I worry for, both demand quite a lot of attention understandably. 4 year old possibly ADHD too I worry I can’t give her what she needs/deserves. It’s nice to hear from someone in a similar situation I hope the wee man has settled in well.

Thank you, I’ll check that out

Can I just say you are a wonderful human being. Being cared for by a loving aunt is the absolute best situation for this little girl. It will be tough but she’s young enough to settle with you over time and be a true part of your immediate family. You are amazing. I’m so sorry for all your loss

No, just a lot of debt. Maybe a pension worth a few thousand at best. She was only 30.

Check Buttle Trust for grants, I am sure they can help with children who have had a bereavement

I'm so so sorry for you loss I cannot imagine.

Gently do you think your DP is in a bit of shock too? Maybe need to think things through and talk it through a bit but they must be so hard when you're going through this.

I have two children 2.5 and 5 so similar ages. One at nursery one started school this September. Me and DH work full time (as well as massive career changes 2 years ago). It's not easy but it is doable. We have no other family support too so we pay a lot of childcare but it is doable.

Will there be any funds in your sisters estate? Were you the named guardian in a will? There might be a trust?

Again so sorry