Interesting article about the effects of divorce on womens finances, particularly pensions

PyongyangKipperbang · 2025-04-15T19:16:46+00:00

And the difference to the effect it has on men. You wont be surprised to read that they are better off than we are after divorce.... [[https://inews.co.uk/inews-lifestyle/stay-home-mum-50-divorced-no-pension-3628292 https://inews.co.uk/inews-lifestyle/stay-home-mum-50-divorced-no-pension-3628292]]

amiadoormat · 15/04/2025 20:20

It was her choice to be a STAHM no one forced her to - she said it was a joint decision. She also didn’t need to work part time around childcare for 20 years

Holdonforsummer · 15/04/2025 20:36

Wow, interesting reaction @amiadoormat ! I had the opposite thought. I agree with the article - that 99% of the time, women end up with the smaller job to facilitate childcare/housework/harmony and another casualty of this is their pensions. My husband has about £300k in his and I have about £65k. I hope we never split up but if we do, I would hope he would share as I have done 90% of the childcare and housework which allowed him to carry on with his big corporate job.

amiadoormat · 15/04/2025 20:45

I think perhaps it’s because I was the main earner in my marriage. My pension was worth x10 that of my ex husband at point of divorce. Why is his worth so little….because he never had a career and never wanted one. He was happy for me to work bloody hard to be the main earner whilst he had none of the stress of being the one carrying the family financially.

Whatsgoingonherethenagain · 15/04/2025 20:45

Women need to be aware of this when they choose to give up work though.

time and time again on here women deciding to give up only look short term, saving nursery fees, or look at whether they can live on one salary. It’s rare she thinks about her pension or how she will support herself in old age in case of a split.

women need more education on the consequences of choosing to become a man’s support system.

if you put yourself at the mercy of a man and become completely financially reliant on him, while he works and builds his wealth, why so shocked that women come off worse?

amiadoormat · 15/04/2025 20:46

your husband would have had the big corporate job without you just as I would have without my ex husband. Had you said I don’t want to do 90% of the childcare to him you’d have had to use childcare

Original poster

PyongyangKipperbang · 16/04/2025 01:32

What shocked me was the number of women who didnt know that they could claim part of his pension and agreed with a "lets sort this out between ourselves" divorce. If I could give any advice to any divorcing woman it would be "sell anything you have to pay for basic legal advice so at least you know what you can ask for if you really cant afford a solicitor to do it all for you".

That genuinely did blindside me but then I have been divorced twice and on MN for years where this information is commonly known. I am going to talk to my not divorced friends when I see them and just guage if this is as common as it seems to be.

Also the guy in the first interview who conveniently "lost" his job when his ex was awarded spousal maintenance, tell me I am not the only one who's eyebrows went so high they took my hat off.

OP posts:

SallyDraperGetInHere · 16/04/2025 01:41

Whatsgoingonherethenagain · 15/04/2025 20:45

Women need to be aware of this when they choose to give up work though.

time and time again on here women deciding to give up only look short term, saving nursery fees, or look at whether they can live on one salary. It’s rare she thinks about her pension or how she will support herself in old age in case of a split.

women need more education on the consequences of choosing to become a man’s support system.

if you put yourself at the mercy of a man and become completely financially reliant on him, while he works and builds his wealth, why so shocked that women come off worse?

To be honest, I think this is a glib response. Women have babies; men don’t. Women are entitled to maternity leave, as is right. The pay gap is real; the pension gap is real. The promotion gap is real. The opportunity cost is real.

silentpool · 16/04/2025 02:42

There are so many women in this position. If you are going to drop to part time or be a SAHM - please for your own sake, agree to have your pension topped up as a family expense and keep your hand in the job market. Your husband will make all kinds of assurances but those will disappear along with him, in a divorce

As someone who is now 50, I can assure you that getting a well paid job after a big career gap is not easy. Having the stamina to tackle a big job at this age, is another matter entirely!

Having gone from 2 incomes to one after a divorce, it's hard to manage. I haven't had a holiday in 5 years as I've needed to prioritise paying down my mortgage and topping up my pension. I will be doing pretty much the same till I retire.

leenasture · 16/04/2025 03:44

I'm a sahm and I've been aware that pensions can be shared in divorce for years (despite never having been divorced or been close to separating) so I think it's odd that women haven't found out about it. Even if you can't afford a lawyer, there is Wikivorce and so much information online. I've just lurked on some divorce threads occasionally out of curiosity and learned a lot from there. And the article says that 28% of women refuse to take their spouse's pension in a divorce. So they're making that choice really.

I have healthy pension investments even as a sahm - the majority isn't in a pension wrapper, but we max out a small amount in a SIPP for me, plus a LISA, ISA and GIA. I manage my own investments and I'm comfortable with risk, which has meant I've been able to grow the investments significantly. So focusing on getting a career isnt the only path to a secure retirement. I have a bigger investment pot compared to many people who have a professional career but who pay the minimum in and opt to keep the default lower risk pension funds.

TheHerboriste · 16/04/2025 05:15

amiadoormat · 15/04/2025 20:20

It was her choice to be a STAHM no one forced her to - she said it was a joint decision. She also didn’t need to work part time around childcare for 20 years

Agree with this.

Everyone has a primary responsibility to look out for herself.

TheHerboriste · 16/04/2025 05:17

Whatsgoingonherethenagain · 15/04/2025 20:45

Women need to be aware of this when they choose to give up work though.

time and time again on here women deciding to give up only look short term, saving nursery fees, or look at whether they can live on one salary. It’s rare she thinks about her pension or how she will support herself in old age in case of a split.

women need more education on the consequences of choosing to become a man’s support system.

if you put yourself at the mercy of a man and become completely financially reliant on him, while he works and builds his wealth, why so shocked that women come off worse?

Because many women think there is something noble about SAHMhood, and that they deserve special consideration for doing it.

TheHerboriste · 16/04/2025 05:20

SallyDraperGetInHere · 16/04/2025 01:41

To be honest, I think this is a glib response. Women have babies; men don’t. Women are entitled to maternity leave, as is right. The pay gap is real; the pension gap is real. The promotion gap is real. The opportunity cost is real.

Show quote history

It’s not a pay gap, it’s an earnings gap. There’s a difference.

People who opt out of the workforce are naturally going to be more financially precarious. It baffles me that so many don’t realize that.

BlondiePortz · 16/04/2025 05:55

Well women make choices, well they would do if they didn't allow men to do it for them

Women can make better choices

FancyNewt · 16/04/2025 06:12

No one needs to be a SAHM or work part time in a low paid job for 20 years. That's a life style choice by someone unwilling to work in a demanding job which would have paid more.

I say all this as someone who was a SAHM for 5 years. It would have tempting to just keep it that was as it was easier in many ways. But fast forward 10 years and I'm glad I didn't.

Bananafofana · 16/04/2025 06:21

I took several years out of the workforce to care for a high needs dd and am now part time while dc (with ongoing health issues) are at secondary school.

Been married nearly 20 years and dh has always topped up my pension contributions the whole time so our pension savings are nearly identical. We discussed it when we first got married - everyone should. I’m surprised more people don’t have this conversation and arrangement though I appreciate it might be impossible if no spare cash once compulsory deductions are made and there is an employer contribution (dh is self employed). So I guess I’ll rephrase and say I’m surprised more people don’t at least talk about it.

FancyNewt · 16/04/2025 06:23

leenasture · 16/04/2025 03:44

I'm a sahm and I've been aware that pensions can be shared in divorce for years (despite never having been divorced or been close to separating) so I think it's odd that women haven't found out about it. Even if you can't afford a lawyer, there is Wikivorce and so much information online. I've just lurked on some divorce threads occasionally out of curiosity and learned a lot from there. And the article says that 28% of women refuse to take their spouse's pension in a divorce. So they're making that choice really.

I have healthy pension investments even as a sahm - the majority isn't in a pension wrapper, but we max out a small amount in a SIPP for me, plus a LISA, ISA and GIA. I manage my own investments and I'm comfortable with risk, which has meant I've been able to grow the investments significantly. So focusing on getting a career isnt the only path to a secure retirement. I have a bigger investment pot compared to many people who have a professional career but who pay the minimum in and opt to keep the default lower risk pension funds.

I assume your spouse is on an exceptionally high earner if you are maxing out ISA, LISA allowances ? Or you have a source of funds like a large inheritance ?

So your clever investing is not the reason you have a large pension pot, it's the fact you have access to a alot of money you don't earn and is not going to be applicable to the majority of SAHMs.

towelonfloor · 16/04/2025 06:27

Women need to be aware of this when they choose to give up work though.

Agree. We could "afford" for me to be at home but one reason I work is for the pension.

towelonfloor · 16/04/2025 06:30

And the article says that 28% of women refuse to take their spouse's pension in a divorce. So they're making that choice really.

I'm not sure it's always so easy. One of my colleagues went through a bitter divorce. She was fighting for the pension & more of the house equity. The house had sold just before covid for a very good price, at the last minute he threatened to pull out of the house sale unless she didn't chase the pension. She was exhausted after fighting for the dc, equity etc so agreed.

Sofiewoo · 16/04/2025 06:32

SallyDraperGetInHere · 16/04/2025 01:41

To be honest, I think this is a glib response. Women have babies; men don’t. Women are entitled to maternity leave, as is right. The pay gap is real; the pension gap is real. The promotion gap is real. The opportunity cost is real.

Show quote history

Nonsense, the “pay gap” is basically closed. Women earn more than men up until their 30s, they then earn less because they largely choose to move to part time work.
We don’t have a problem with women working for less money in the uk. Women earn less because they work less.

towelonfloor · 16/04/2025 06:33

I work p/t with older primary age dc. That's the right balance for me.

Been married nearly 20 years and dh has always topped up my pension contributions the whole time so our pension savings are nearly identical.

We would struggle to do this as my employer pays in 21%

Peoplearebloodyidiots · 16/04/2025 06:42

Yep, another article in the press about someone who refuses to take accountability for the choices they made in their life.

BadSkiingMum · 16/04/2025 06:45

towelonfloor · 16/04/2025 06:30

And the article says that 28% of women refuse to take their spouse's pension in a divorce. So they're making that choice really.

I'm not sure it's always so easy. One of my colleagues went through a bitter divorce. She was fighting for the pension & more of the house equity. The house had sold just before covid for a very good price, at the last minute he threatened to pull out of the house sale unless she didn't chase the pension. She was exhausted after fighting for the dc, equity etc so agreed.

I imagine that’s part of the wider picture: women tend to prioritise the family home (or any home) for the children. It is an immediate and compelling need. The pension situation is further down the road, especially for younger women.

Sofiewoo · 16/04/2025 06:49

And the article says that 28% of women refuse to take their spouse's pension in a divorce. So they're making that choice really.

Also this is a narrow way of even looking at it, a third might not get half the pension but many women get more than half of the savings and house equity. In many of these cases it more than balances out.

Marshtit · 16/04/2025 06:50

i have only just noticed that my pension is lower than it may have been, i have been part time since having children, i have other commitments in my life now,
i am the sandwich generation.
my dm needs my support

CaptainFuture · 16/04/2025 06:50

FancyNewt · 16/04/2025 06:12

No one needs to be a SAHM or work part time in a low paid job for 20 years. That's a life style choice by someone unwilling to work in a demanding job which would have paid more.

I say all this as someone who was a SAHM for 5 years. It would have tempting to just keep it that was as it was easier in many ways. But fast forward 10 years and I'm glad I didn't.

This, especially when you see it on here ' I was a sahm for 25 years..... I gave up a career... did you? What career did you give up'?

Interesting article about the effects of divorce on womens finances, particularly pensions

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