It wasn’t about not wanting to work hard, for me. I enjoyed my career. While it was sometimes hard, it was rewarding in ways I’ve missed a lot. But quitting was best for my children, who wouldn’t have thrived in ft chilcare + commute. My husband reduced his hours by 20% but that still left him out of the house 8am-6:30pm mo-Fri and further flexibility either was impossible or felt impossible to him, this is 16 years ago.
I did underestimate the drop-off of stamina when Indecided at 32. Starting again mid 40s is gruelling - I thought I’d just buy a franchise but I’ve not the energy - and I support any woman’s choice but we can’t pretend it isn’t the children that pay the price if great childcare isn’t findable. I could only find adequate so we used it pt only. No family available. In the event, my children wouldn’t have thrived at school, either, so we’ve home educated them. I work pt in a job I could have done at 20. I look at them and it was the right thing to do for them.
If I am poorer post a divorce I will not necessarily regret it. The failure is systemic, not mine, and my life is about more than money. But I am talking in the context of still likely having enough to get by, with some treats. I’ve been poor and do not romanticise it. Like all the lower MC and working class mothers I know who do pt jobs to fit around their kids and families, I am a grafter, not a pigging lady who lunches - no offence to them. My husband benefits from my work, but the primary beneficiaries are my kids.