Paid over £150 for daughters hair and she hates it!

[Brainfogmcfogface]

What do I do?
my daughter (10yo) has been pleading for months to have her hair in long braids, 7 hours at the salon, lots of tears, and we’ve come home and she’s broken down saying she hates it, I’ve scrimped and saved for this, (single mum very low paying wage just about make ends meet) it’ll take hours to remove too, I just don’t know! What would others do? Tell her to keep it for a bit, whilst she cries her heart out, start taking it out? She’s got added hair, and they’re super long and I’ve no experience removing so god knows how long it’ll take, we’ve spent the whole day at the salon and I’ve had to put away every spare penny! I’m so sad she’s so upset, I wanted her first proper salon experience to be a good one, now I don’t think she’ll ever want to come to one again, I think she looks stunning btw! And was so excited to get it done, it’s been an exhausting day, but rather then a “it’ll be worth it in the end” experience it’s now a complete waste of time and money!

If it's the feel then that should settle in a few days. They are so uncomfortable when they're first done.

I think leave it, they'll settle, I think it's probably just a big change for her?

I totally agree. Bless her little heart, I’m glad she’s feeling better for speaking to her friends.

@ErrolTheDragon I think that statement was made before OP’s second post, in which she said her DD was black.

I think its similar to racism in that technically, its years and years of oppression of black people and therefore racism doesn't really work the other way because white races haven't experienced the ongoing prejudice / oppression / being looked at as inferior in the past.

Specifically with hair, the natural and afro hair types were seen as "messy" or "unprofessional" and black people had to actually change the appearance of their natural hair to be treated more equally. White people change their usually just for the aesthetic.

Response from google on what cultural appropriation is:

the unacknowledged or inappropriate adoption of the customs, practices, ideas, etc. of one people or society by members of another and typically more dominant people or society.

It just needs to settle. As others said let it sit for a week and if she still hates it take it out

I guess you can’t predict these things but she never wants a salon soo again, such a shame as she was so excited literally all she talked about for the 2 weeks once booked :(

Could be a blessing in disguise. Might save you a fortune in the long run.

Crikey! What a sanctimonious and unhelpful response. Are you seriously suggesting that this single mother is in the wrong for saving up for something her dd desperately wanted? I honestly have no words. Then on top of that, the 'I can afford it' comment? Really? Insane.

@Brainfogmcfogface I know nothing about black hair but would applying some leave in conditioner help soften it?

Aa someone who has extensions it might be that they feel tight to her head until she gets a little bit of regrowth. I’m glad she’s agreed to wait a week. I bet she looks gorgeous ❤️

Op, ask for this to be moved to blackmumsnet.
thus thread is mostly attracting people who want to discuss how much money you have spend on the hair style and cultural appropriation which is not the point of your post.

If this is the first time she’s getting braids, it might just be a case of waiting and seeing how she feels the next few days. However, maybe they might be too tight or, if she’s like me, she might be ‘tender headed’. I used to wear braids when I was younger but would always have them done slightly loose because my scalp is quite sensitive.
My daughter and sister and mother on the other hand, never really experience any such issues.

Don’t be discouraged- it’s trail and error but it’s so important that you are doing something for your daughter. The important of supporting and teaching black children to love their hair is so paramount to help build their self esteem.

The posters (including people of colour /mixed-proximity to white/fair skin and the privilege it affords you) who fail to understand the importance of braids and cultural appropriation and hair discrimination black women and girls have and still face are absolutely ridiculous.
Google is free and it takes minutes to understand the history and the impact then and now.
No wonder Reno Eddo Lodge wrote the book Why I'm No Longer Talking to White People About Race.

Wishing you and your daughter the best

You sound like a really lovely and thoughtful mum.

I’ve had similar happen before with DD and new hair styles. You’ve said it isn’t about the look of it, my experience was. I think at the time I just reassured her that sometimes when I come out of the hairdressers, I don’t like my hair at first - it feels too short or the colour looks too bright etc. but after awhile I start to look and feel like me again, and love my new hair.

I’d hype her up and tell her how fab she looks, but let her know that you can take them out if she doesn’t want it in a few days. Maybe suggest leaving it in until she is back to school on Monday, so all her friends can see how cool her new hair is?

Yes. Very much so.

It wasn’t a nasty question though. What is nasty is to assume someone’s skin colour and imply it’s not ok for a certain skin colour to have a certain hair style

Hopefully she will feel better when she's slept on it, both literally and figuratively.

If not, I would look at it that sooner or later she would have tried this style, and the later it was in her life, the more the price would probably have gone up, so your £150 has possibly saved spending £200 a few years down the line and helped her learn what styles will and won't work for her.

Would you be so angry if it cost £10?

The problem here is that you spend £150 that sounds like it should have been better spent elsewhere.

Try not to be too tough on your daughter because they cannot relate to what £150 means, but you need to manage your money better in future and say no if required. It was a lovely thing to do but at ten years old always a risk.

has she finished for the Easter school holidays today? If not, i bet her friends on Monday will tell her she looks gorgeous then she will be glowing 😊

Absolutely ridiculous amount of money and time wasted. What sort of hairdresser would agree to do this to a young child's hair?

Omg nasty

A professional one

She's probably just far too young to put up with discomfort for fashion. She didn't realise how they would feel

There's a very very old saying that my mother often used when I wore stupid stuff like platform shoes or stiletto heels and ended up with a sprained ankle.
Or tight fitting underwear to make me look streamlined.
'Pride is painful'

That's a crazy amount to spend on a hair appointment for a 10 year old regardless of income. Harsh lesson but learn to say no to ridiculous requests from kids.

I hope that once she gets used to it she will love it. It's good that she is getting positive feedback from friends and hopefully that will be enough to help her enjoy her new look.

Does it help if I tell you that when dd was about 8 I took her for a trim at a chain called Headmasters. At 8 dd was still very naturally blonde. The hairdresser lifted her hair, brushed it through and said "aaw lovely colour, is it her own?".

I'd say that it'll take her some time to get used to; she looks a bit different, and it's probably much heavier now too. Her head is probably hurting a bit from having them done too.

I'd aim to give it two weeks with them in before she makes a decision on if she wants them out. If you're on school holidays at the minute this will give her chance to go back to school and hopefully get lots of compliments from her friends and teachers at school too. I know this seems like quite a long time, but you'd probably have been aiming for them to last about 6 weeks, so it's still taking them out about a month early, and it will give her a proper chance to get used to them.