5 yr old son tried to kill dh yesterday

[StugglingtocopeinEdinburgh]

We were walking along a very busy road and ds asked dh for chocolate. Dh said no so ds then tried to push him onto the road. We both then explained to him how dangerous it was and how that would hurt daddy etc. His response was I don't care. He then pushed dh with all his might onto the road again. He then said hahaha I'm going to kill you.
This is our daily life what happened yesterday happens alot.

He punches his older siblings, breaks stuff. He screams at the top of his voice all the time.

I got myself a new plant today and was showing dh and kids it the minute I put it down He ripped it apart. He watched me cry and said hahaha it's dead now.

I've asked social work for help 3 times now nothing happens
His school are having the same problems. Even with a one to one full time. it's still a struggle for them He can't even eat lunch with the other children because of his violence.

The doctor put me one more medication for low mood and anxiety today. So three lots of medication I'm on now.

I'm scared for us but I'm really scared what ds will grow up to me.

He has been diagnosed with autism and awaiting a adhd assessment ( 3 yr wait)

have you been to the GP to ask them to check all his hormone levels? Just something that might explain the levels of aggression, and can’t hurt getting it investigated. Your situation sounds very difficult and I hope people here with more experience can help!

It is mostly diagnosed by the NHS as an ASD with a PDA profile , it is a subtype of ASD

My son's NHS pediatrician diagnosed his 10 years ago.

I remain sceptical. Depends upon what lens we select to look through. Trauma responses can look and be very scary also.

@MannequinsArePeopleToo people are sceptical about many things and had I read the description of PDA before experiencing it I may have been too.

I have reported @TruthOrNo post

Off the wall suggestion but there's some evidence that retained reflexes can cause problems with social behaviours.

Check out The Melilo Method. There's books and lots about it online. I don't know if physical therapy would be easier for you to get access to but worth a try.

He is showing significant kindness and empathy for his sister, animals and strangers who have no money which is unusual and wonderful in a five year old. He also sounds very bright. It sounds as though he is extremely angry with you and your DH (and school?) as that is where the anger and aggession is directed. If you don't think that you have hurt him, it might be that the problem is at school and he feels you don't give him enough support. It might be that he is gifted and being held back. It might be that he is constantly getting punished (NB child development research does not recommend punishment/consequences). Whatever it is, there is something making him very angry and badly behaved and if you find the root of it with communication and you change the way you interract with him you will be able to turn things around.

Do you feel you are well connected with him? When you do activities he enjoys together is he happy? Do you read together, cook together?

If you are getting professional support, are they explaining about research based parenting, which does not advocate punishment/consequences? It might be worth you looking into it yourself if not - have a look at Peaceful Parent Happy Kids, have a browse of the website - it is written by a clinical psychologist who specialises in children. How you parent will have a huge impact.

Given that he shows empathy and can explain it, you should be able to get to a point of him explaining how he feels. At the moment he sounds as though he doesn't trust you - this isn't necessarily your fault, it is more likely that there is something happening which you aren't aware of.

A really good thing to try is going for a long walk with him, on which you can give him your complete attention. After an hour or so, the walking will help regulate and calm him. If you continue walking and you keep the connection and interraction positive you might find that he starts to open up.

This sounds so tough @StugglingtocopeinEdinburgh you might find this helpful https://theautisticadvocate.com/podcasts/

I know you mentioned you have some doubts about his autism but maybe worth a look.

Please ignore the heading on this link, it’s not what it looks like.
You are not alone. This is a growing problem.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m001wxqb

There's going to be a dramatically higher risk of trauma simply by being Autistic. No matter how fab your parents and how hard they tried.

So you then potentially increase the risk of an acquired personality disorder ( I'm not talking about this case), because of the interplay of both things, genetic and environmental.

I feel we don't have a good enough understanding of personality disorders yet. Professionals are still trying to understand the basics of Autism, many poorly with little effort to even read and learn beyond a basic NHS website description ( not to be trusted imo).

@Wishyouwerehere50 The lady reporting is well within rights to - the headline is quite shocking and there are a large number of threads like this. MN feel it's ok so that's put it to bed now.

I've noticed you troll hunting before and the difference between reporting and troll hunting was explained then too (by MNHQ no less).

DO report a post or thread you feel could not be genuine and let MN take a look at it.

DO NOT speculate or accuse on the thread itself.

You can always report if you have a concern but if you make it public, you're troll hunting. There's no need for it.

brilliant post x

Oh stop it. Read every single thing I've ever posted. I endeavour endlessly to be fair, decent, honest and supportive. Always. By your post, I'm guessing you can't say the same. So enough now thankyou. Off you go, read them.

I believe that poster, in this thread, has Autistic loved ones, or may be Autistic themselves. They reacted so strongly because they feel upset and targeted right now. So it was a mistake and they haven't returned have they. But can you read why they did that? Read between those lines can you? They've gone and MN can delete this if it's upsetting to OP.

I am beyond fair and decent on here and I know it. My mistake is not really understanding AI capabilities. So go away and let your issues out elsewhere now.

I fully understand the reporting mechanism ok. Thankyou.

as any of the professionals you see spoke with you about the possibility of him being a sociopath or psychopath? Have you read anything about it ? A boy from my daughter’s previous school was always very much like that . He was diagnosed with autism and eventually ADHD but as he grew up ( now 17 ) the diagnosis changed to sociopathy. His mum begged for help for years too . It’s really sad that nobody with mental health issues can get proper help .He could have had theraphy to help but she now fears it’s too late .
if you suggest seen this as a possible cause maybe have a look at it . Hugs I have 2 children with special needs but none lacks empathy so I have no real advice . It must be very hard

We have 2 daughters who were like this, extremely violent at school and home.
The GP referred them to a doctor at hospital who immediately prescribed Risperidone for both of them .
That helped enormously. This was 20 years ago as they are now 25 and 27.
Both are still on meds, sertraline and olanzapine as am I .
( I'm on venlafaxine,Quetiapine and mirtazapine)

I agree with all of this! When my son was always dysregulated he’d make death threats. It still isn’t uncommon right after school before he gets a chance to calm down.

OP keep seeking out help. But in the meantime the explosive child is a good starting point for breaking problems into reasonable chunks and problem solving together.

Helping with regulation will do a lot - a big success for us is if I lay “traps”- snack is already on the table when he gets in from school or else I bring something on the way home. Wagon to pull his little brother and he sometimes needs it too. Sensory bin or tray laid out or a living room obstacle course.

I recommend watching this - before he gets older. If you recognise anything it please get help.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0023db6

Medication in general is ment to help manage and function, not to actually cure the problem.

This sounds incredibly stressful and fraught for you all.
Have you tried contact your MP – they can often speed things up – you will need to outline what it is you want them to.
As you have an autism diagnosis already, is he under a consultant paediatrician. Ask for an urgent review.
Are there any charities / groups that can help locally or even online for support, advice and guidance.

Psychopathy and sociopathy can only be diagnosed after 18.

Under 18 it's conduct disorder because there's no certainty how the child will develop. Because they're only 5 it's tricky to be certain regarding some personality disordered state. Someone else posted how stigmatising this would be potentially also. They will assess for oppositional defiance at this age as opposed to conduct disorder, one poster has highlighted.

I feel greatly for some kids who are seen to be psychopaths when they aren't. I know this behaviour is really shocking but there could be all sorts going on. I regularly think about running people over because my life is incredibly stressful and I'm often disregulated. Because I'm able to keep it to myself and understand social rules, plus I don't have added challenges related to trying to operate in an NT world, I can keep these thoughts to myself.

We all have hideous dark thoughts under enough stress is the point I'm making.

I'm not physically intending to actually run anyone over just to stress. 😄

I've watched this, twice. What is really distressing about this programme are the cries for respite help left unanswered. The resources have been stripped to the bone.

@ZiggyZowie has that medication specifically helped with anger/ mood regulations and physical outbursts in your kids?

We've had fluoxitene suggested for emotional regulation struggles and feelings of anger. No violence at this stage.

Hi the Risperidone definitely helped. Things were a little calmer.

After that they were on fluoxetine and now as adults olanzapine and sertraline

They had both been physically violent at school and at home with police involvement and school exclusions .
Parenting course by Early Bird which guidelines I already been using ,
Last resort was the medication which finally gave us respite

@ZiggyZowie thankyou. That offers hope I feel. Anything that helps the stress and anxiety is going to help the anger I hope; if it's a stress response to the state of being Autistic in an NT world. Not always clear.