Potential relationship with asylum seeker

[Taxswellian]

Just that really. He is ten years younger. We share a sports hobby which is how we met. Same language. His asylum case is pending. My heart wants it. Small town in the north and think he'll stay here. My own child is an adult and in London so l currently live alone. Acrimonious divorce 5 years ago. Been happily single since. I'm slightly worried about being judged by family etc.

Can you overlook telling the family? Make up a few white lies.

Well, are you going to be able to cope if his case is turned down, and he’s deported, or decides to stay on illegally, with all the implications that would have for his life and yours? He may need to move within the UK to somewhere he can work more easily within the grey economy if his case is rejected, for instance.

I sound as if I’m being unnecessarily gloomy, but only about half of asylum claimants were granted some firm of leave to remain last year. It seems like a very chancy basis to begin a relationship.

One step at a time maybe? I wouldn't worry about telling your family straight away just start low key dating and don't get too involved. I think it will be tough while his status is unresolved as he'll have very little money so for it not to be unbalanced you'll have to just mainly do free dates. Also I'd worry about deportation. A bit more reassuring if his case is close to being resolved. I'd also think about where you want the relationship to go. Again more promising with good English and the chance of decent income or if you're not that interested in living with someone again

The one thing I will say is that while his case pending the home office could move him to any accomodation any where in the country with very minimal notice..

Go with your gut but take it very slow. No major commitments until his case is decided.

And as for your family and judgment, you need a serious conversation with them if things develop.

This is a man that is 10 years younger than you?you do realise he is probably hedging his bets by trying to find alternative ways to get a visa? If he is granted asylum then fair enough but please don’t put yourself in that position now.

Probably not worth the hassle having pondered over this more.

He is an asylum seeker to Britain but you speak the same language and you are not an asylum seeker? Sorry not picking just trying to comprehend. You could just go with the flow. If he gets a visa then continue on if not then it could be a nice fling in memory.

How do you know be wasn’t on the search for an older “desperate” woman to assist with his visa efforts?

I would be too cynical for it all.

Also how long have you known him?

Call me cynical but I’d think the same.

Same here, sorry. I wouldn't even entertain it tbh.

If you offered him marriage, would they give him the visa?

You do know that a lot of asylum seekers are educated and literate don't you ....

You are a vulnerable person and you will regret this

That’s what I think

I do yes but the OP said same language so I presumed first language for both I am well aware that people under international protection can be extremely well educated with other languages but you can still have a certain language barrier and cultural difference hence my question.

Vulnerable? The op said she likes the man did not mention she was desperate for another marriage and she has been single some time. I think sometimes women, especially us single and older ones are not given the credit we deserve.

Make sure that he is not already married with a wife and possibly children back home Asylum claims can go on for years with appeals etc.

I think you should wait till his case is finalised, or you will never know if he's with you to get leave to remain in the UK through a relationship/marriage with you. You could be setting yourself up for an awful lot of unhappiness. If he really cares about you, rather than the chance to remain in the Uk, he will wait.

You need to think very carefully why he would want to be with a woman who is 10 years older than him - it is an unusual age gap in the UK, and may be far more unusual in his home country.

Does he want children? Does he have children in his home country who will have a right of family reunification if he does get asylum? If you're together, you could end up housing them all.

Being single and female does not automatically make a person vulnerable.

What age are you both? Does he have any children of his own or does he want children? How does that fit with you?

Whatever situation he's seeking asylum from... does he have significant baggage /trauma to process? Where does he get his emotional support from?

I'd be cautious of getting into a relationship with someone who's grieving/ may have had some very traumatic experiences etc. Take it slowly. What does he bring to the relationship? Don't fall into the role of financial / emotional support for a broke / broken man or trying to 'fix' him.

Your heart wants what? Decisions made entirely with the heart are pretty risky.

I had a thing with a colleague who was seeking political asylum. Turned out he was engaged to be married back home. Was a disaster. Also comments started to come out like don't do this/that, about how western women behave etc.

And I mean he was a lovely guy. But it was a disaster.

Why bother ? Minefield of baggage and uncertainty…
throw this one back in 🐠