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Potential relationship with asylum seeker

132 replies

Taxswellian · 06/04/2025 11:00

Just that really. He is ten years younger. We share a sports hobby which is how we met. Same language. His asylum case is pending. My heart wants it. Small town in the north and think he'll stay here. My own child is an adult and in London so l currently live alone. Acrimonious divorce 5 years ago. Been happily single since. I'm slightly worried about being judged by family etc.

OP posts:
YogaLite · 06/04/2025 18:00

But how much do u know about his situation back home?

Taxswellian · 06/04/2025 18:01

Having a family life does not grant refugee status. I think you are confused with the right to stay or visa extention which us a very different thing legally. Believe me l know the system well.

OP posts:
Taxswellian · 06/04/2025 18:02

I know a lot about the home situation. Google is my friend here. Very very verifiable re newspapers accounts etc

OP posts:
Ineedthesun80 · 06/04/2025 18:05

come on he wants a visa.

WilfredsPies · 06/04/2025 18:08

Taxswellian · 06/04/2025 17:27

To be very very clear you do not get refugee status by marrying . You get it through genuine fears of persecution in home country. This myth re visa in not relevant to people seeking asylum

You have misunderstood. It is very relevant.

When the Home Office considers an asylum claim, they also consider a load of other stuff at the same time, to decide whether a person who has been refused asylum might qualify for Humanitarian Protection or Leave to Remain on Human Rights grounds, or compassionate grounds, etc instead. Part of that consideration includes Article 8 of the ECHR, which is where you, and any relationship he had with you, would come in. So, for instance, a person could be refused asylum but might qualify for a grant of leave because they have had a child in the UK who is a British citizen. Or they have married a person settled in the UK and they meet the requirements of the Rules, or there are exceptional grounds that mean they should be allowed to remain. So, although asylum and marriage are two very different things, if he is refused asylum, any decision letter he gets will consider all aspects of his circumstances, including his relationship with you, if you were to go ahead.

https://righttoremain.org.uk/toolkit/decision/#decision

Motherofalittledragon · 06/04/2025 18:09

Matcha95 · 06/04/2025 14:24

How do you know be wasn’t on the search for an older “desperate” woman to assist with his visa efforts?

I would be too cynical for it all.

First thing that crossed my mind too.

UndermyShoeJoe · 06/04/2025 18:09

Easier to believe it’s true than admit there’s a tiny chance he will use it to help his case. Which everyone knows it can.

Cucy · 06/04/2025 18:17

What age are you both?

Can you move to his country?

My biggest concern would be if he wasn’t granted stay or needed to go back for any reason.

It puts me off being in a relationship with anyone from another country incase they want to go home but his situation is way more fragile.

Even if he gets granted to stay now, doesn’t mean things won’t change in the future with the laws.

I do think you seem in a decent position though.
You’ve got grown my DC so aren’t looking to have kids or get married so I would enjoy your life and live it how you want to.

I would just take a step back until you know that he’s definitely allowed to stay.

Taxswellian · 06/04/2025 18:17

Sorry l haven't been clear. He has already applied. I'm not obviously on the application. He is almost certainly going to get refugee status. That's not my worry at all.

OP posts:
Breambrune · 06/04/2025 18:21

Well why not wait then until he gets refugee status?

soupyspoon · 06/04/2025 18:24

Psychoticbreak · 06/04/2025 14:21

He is an asylum seeker to Britain but you speak the same language and you are not an asylum seeker? Sorry not picking just trying to comprehend. You could just go with the flow. If he gets a visa then continue on if not then it could be a nice fling in memory.

What is it you dont get?

That an asylum seeker might speak French, Arabic, Somali, Pashtu or any number of languages AND that a person living in the UK who isnt an asylum seeker also might speak one or many other of those languages too and English?

Whats confusing for you?

Taxswellian · 06/04/2025 18:24

Because you know attraction etc. I've known him 15 months

OP posts:
WilfredsPies · 06/04/2025 18:28

Taxswellian · 06/04/2025 18:17

Sorry l haven't been clear. He has already applied. I'm not obviously on the application. He is almost certainly going to get refugee status. That's not my worry at all.

You obviously won’t be included in his application at the moment but he’ll be able to raise a change in his personal circumstances at any point before the decision letter, and if his application is refused with a right of appeal (because not every applicant is entitled to a right of appeal) then he can raise it at appeal stage.

Breambrune · 06/04/2025 18:28

@Taxswellian You are someone with an adult child, you’re not a hormone filled 20 year old. Why are you attracted to someone with such a complicated situation? If you only want sex it’s a lot kinder to seek someone who doesn’t have the trauma history of being a refugee.

StupidBoy · 06/04/2025 18:37

Taxswellian · 06/04/2025 18:01

Having a family life does not grant refugee status. I think you are confused with the right to stay or visa extention which us a very different thing legally. Believe me l know the system well.

No it doesn't grant refugee status, but if refugee status is repeatedly denied and appeal after appeal is lodged, dragging the whole thing out over several years, then an established family life in this country that has developed in the meantime is a very useful thing to have next time your case goes to court. But as you say you know the system very well then you will already know that.

The obvious response from most of us is 'how do you know he's not just playing you to increase his chances of being able to stay in the country?' and you sound like you've already decided that's not the case.

It also sounds as if you may be past the age where you are likely to have more children? You say your child is an adult who has left home. So if he knows having children with you isn't an option then again, that's one less potential red flag to worry about.

Which all just leaves me with the question 'why are you asking us?' What exactly are your concerns, if they are not any of the above?

If he shares your language is he from the same culture as you? Are you from an immigrant family yourself? If so, why would your family judge? Or by 'same language' do you mean he is from a country where it's common to speak English fluently from a young age, even if he has another language as well?

If you've got your own home and are financially independent I can see why they would worry that you might be being swept off your feet by someone tired of living in a hostel or whatever.

If he seems to be love bombing you and pushing for marriage or commitment very quickly, or wanting to borrow money or have you send money home to his family for 'medical expenses' or whatever, that would ring massive alarm bells. But you seem quite sure that his intentions are genuine so I am not sure what the issue is.

OneSparklyExpert · 06/04/2025 18:37

Breambrune · 06/04/2025 11:55

This is a man that is 10 years younger than you?you do realise he is probably hedging his bets by trying to find alternative ways to get a visa? If he is granted asylum then fair enough but please don’t put yourself in that position now.

He could be 50

Cucy · 06/04/2025 18:38

So what are you worried about exactly?

Breambrune · 06/04/2025 18:38

OneSparklyExpert · 06/04/2025 18:37

He could be 50

And ? Do you think you get many 50 year old men pursuing 60 year old women?

TomatoSandwiches · 06/04/2025 18:39

15 months is nothing really isn't it.

What's the hobby op and where is he claiming he is from?

StupidBoy · 06/04/2025 18:43

Taxswellian · 06/04/2025 18:02

I know a lot about the home situation. Google is my friend here. Very very verifiable re newspapers accounts etc

Ok, why don't you just tell his his nationality and tell us whether you share his ethnicity/culture/language or whether you are a bog standard British person and he just happens to speak great English? Why are people always so coy on these threads about saying exactly where someone is from?

Cottesloe · 06/04/2025 18:44

Green Card Klaxon

GettingMySpringOn · 06/04/2025 18:46

BumbleBeegu · 06/04/2025 14:29

Call me cynical but I’d think the same.

Me too. Happened to a family member. He told her a whole spin of lies. She fell hook line and sinker

UndermyShoeJoe · 06/04/2025 18:50

Google is your friend. Or Google is the way he got his story straight too….

Because if you googled me bugger all would come up about me as a person you could find out stuff about my area but then any Tom dick or Harry could Google the area and tell the stories of things.

saraclara · 06/04/2025 18:50

Cottesloe · 06/04/2025 18:44

Green Card Klaxon

There's no such thing as a Green card in the UK.

NC28 · 06/04/2025 18:51

This has the makings of a channel 5 documentary.