Husband gifted £5k

[everychildmatters]

Long story short...
My SIL came over today and she let it slip (she of course assumed I knew) that her parents had gifted husband £5k (she had her dad's car when he stopped driving at 83 so they were "evening things out."
Hubby and I both work but I'm a SEND Tutor which means I only get paid for the hours I work e.g not in school holidays. We rent privately as simply can't afford to buy and has been that way for years. My car is also on its last legs and I do a lot of travel for work so no idea what to do when that packs up!! His mum and dad have just also purchased him a beautiful new electric car.
Hubby knows my anxiety about paying bills etc has been through the roof.
He says he didn't tell me because I have been so stressed, but the truth is (IMO) is he didn't tell me because I could then have said could we use some of that if I can't get work over six weeks holiday etc?
I feel so let down and disappointed - I don't think he'd ever have told me if I hadn't found put through SIL.
Perhaps I'm being unreasonable but feeling crap tbh.

@80smonster Unfortunately not.

OP, it seems like his parents pay for a lot of things and he’s 49 years old? I don’t know how this will get any better. At the very least, he could be doing more to ease the financial burden instead of leaving it all on you.

But he'll be charging the car presumably at home. So that will increase the Electric bill which you are paying for as you pay the bills!! Seriously!! There is a massive imbalance going on here with money and bills.

@MsBucket They have always been incredibly generous to him. I know it's out of love but tbh I don't think it's done him.any favours. Ultimately he knows they would always bail him out.

That is the strangest comment. You are married. All your assets are joint. All money is shared. Every. Single. Penny. It is beyond weird that one spouse could be struggling financially.

how do people operate like this?

you should both know how much money is in all your accounts. You should be making decisions on how to spend money together regardless of where it comes from.

Did he want that? Or did you decide?

@Rainbow1901 No he charges it at work (pays £30 per month). No charging point at home.

@Riaanna He'd genuinely have slept on a mattress on the floor!!!

But she couldn't list herself as single because she's not and UC is always a joint claim for co-habiting couples.

Blimey, does he know what marriage is? I’d be throwing a massive hissy fit if I was you.

He can’t just say he can’t afford it. I would want to see the proof of that and say “well I can’t afford it either” so now what? Are you ready for a grown up discussion and let’s see what our finances look like.

It’s like you are his Mother, or he’s the lodger just paying you an amount with no thought about the bills at all. He probably knows to keep saying the same thing so he doesn’t have to worry - knowing that somehow you will sort it all out.

How can you be so passive? He’s responsible for your bills too!

There seem to be reasons why you can’t do anything. If you rent you can just give notice and get a place for you and your dc. You might want to get a permanent job though- perhaps go back to teaching as others suggested

Oh a totally different note what are you driving? A Range Rover? 2k is a rip off it’s £450-£500 max and we are in the south east, husband is an engineer.

@Userlosername How do I get a place on just my salary alone?

Your child is 4 years old and in school. Why don't you look to work more and increase you earning potential?
You seem to have a very negative approach and unwilling to work more.
Also, as you so clearly put his parents gifted it to him. If you ever separated, he could prove that money was gifted to him through inheritance and from his parents. It does not fall within the "family" pot I'm afraid. You seem to think you are entitled to use the money for yourself.
If his parents chose to bail him out, pay for holidays etc that is their choice. Sounds like you are jealous of the support his family give him.

@reversegear A knackered old banger!! 😆 I'm going to get another quote and pray it's cheaper.

@holamuchgusto My MIL told him the money was to be for the family.

Sounds like he's utterly irresponsible with money. Gives you a paltry amount and expects you to pay the rest whilst relying on his parents to pay for holidays and cars. He's been allowed to get away with this for far too long. Produce a spreadsheet and present it to him and tell him to step the fuck up! I would be very tempted to go to his parents and tell them exactly how he treats you and his child.

You can get uc as a separated person even if you are living in the same household.

@Userlosername We're married.

And you know this how?
You fail to acknowledge any of the points that myself and others have made about working more...? Do you expect to be a kept woman on minimum wage?

@Ohblahdeeiblahdoe I've spoken to them about it but then they just up throwing him yet more money.

OP I find it hard to believe that you cannot claim Universal Credit. Just for information I put in the info that you have given into a benefits calculator using the figures you have given as your joint income and including 'his' £15000 savings. On those figures (and I realise they may not be the true figures) you appear to be entitled to some benefits. Do some proper research please.

@holamuchgusto I asked her.
Is £30 ph minimum wage where you live?!!!

You’ll perhaps need to go back to your teaching job. You said that your dh will definitely want 50/50 so that will reduce the childcare burden.

How does he react when you tell him you need to fix your car or else you won't be able to work ?
There is something seriously wrong with the whole set up.