Husband gifted £5k

[everychildmatters]

Long story short...
My SIL came over today and she let it slip (she of course assumed I knew) that her parents had gifted husband £5k (she had her dad's car when he stopped driving at 83 so they were "evening things out."
Hubby and I both work but I'm a SEND Tutor which means I only get paid for the hours I work e.g not in school holidays. We rent privately as simply can't afford to buy and has been that way for years. My car is also on its last legs and I do a lot of travel for work so no idea what to do when that packs up!! His mum and dad have just also purchased him a beautiful new electric car.
Hubby knows my anxiety about paying bills etc has been through the roof.
He says he didn't tell me because I have been so stressed, but the truth is (IMO) is he didn't tell me because I could then have said could we use some of that if I can't get work over six weeks holiday etc?
I feel so let down and disappointed - I don't think he'd ever have told me if I hadn't found put through SIL.
Perhaps I'm being unreasonable but feeling crap tbh.

Just do it. You cannot drive that car with your 4 year old in it

This is a ridiculous situation and he is blindsiding you.

He would have to support you until the child was 18. AND declare finances.

There is no weekend bug. Just the OP's drip feeding and confused posting.

Reading some of the first comments on here I feel like I've been transported to some alternative universe. In my opinion, YANBU at all OP. I find it weird that people are coming at you saying 'oh, you must have form', wtf?

Yeah, I'd be pissed off if my DH kept a financial gain secret if we were financially struggling.

@stillhiding1990 I wouldn't be able to rent here on my own as we're joint tenants. He wouldn't leave.

@BlackStrayCat He'd want 50/50 shared care so no maintenance.

Then that's the real issue ... why are you paying more towards your household bills?

This is all giving domestic abuse. Coercive control.

Then get a summer Job.

Did he have a car before his parents gave him one?

@stillhiding1990 Agree. I'm going to have to take out a loan and book it in in Easter hols so I don't lose any earnings.

But presumably he couldn't either, long-term?

Honestly OP, your DH's attitude stinks. He gets a brand-new shiny car from his DPs and he's happy to let you drive your DC (presumably he's the father?) around in a bit of a wreck and risk breaking down whilst travelling around for your work?
As a pp has suggested, you need to create a FAMILY budget sheet showing income, expenses (outgoings), savings and debts and then plan your future financial health together as a family. Please don't accept any more of this he "can't afford any more" - that's utter BS and he's being a selfish twat. I'm so angry for you OP. 😡

How would he look after a DC 50/50?

@crumblingschools Yes but he wanted an electric one.to.save on fuel costs.

There is something really wrong here OP, really wrong, I've never understood it when one person pays one thing at a fixed cost and the other person pays for variables, and one can sit there while the other really struggles, it's absolute nonsense, but you do have earning potential that you aren't maximising.

You must have details of your income for the last year, so work out what you earn ON AVERAGE through the year, work out what he earns, look at everything you pay out for and work out an amount that you both need to pay in to cover ALL joint bills on a 50/50 basis, once that is done you need to work out what your shortfall is for your personal amount left over, and either work out a way to boost your income if you have to or discuss him paying more in temporarily to cover you while you save for what you need (car repairs etc).

He shouldn't have to subsidise you though with savings while you are more than capable of earning money, and there is obviously a reason he hasn't told you about the money, you do seem like you feel you are entitled to it and would immediately spend it if given half the chance, but in the same breath I wouldn't let my DH take out a loan for £2000 of car repairs (which are essential) while I'm sitting on £15000 in the bank, that is beyond selfish.

But you'll be paying the electricity bill?

Where is the child the rest of the year- according to op the child is not school age.

of course both parties should be contributing fairly but I’m not clear from ops posts that they’re not.

What happened to his old car? Why couldn't you have it?

@gamerchick He charges it at work because we don't have a plug in point at home (rented property).

I feel it was a gift to their son not for you, maybe he has something planned for it if they hadn't given it to him you would still be facing the same issues with your car etc
Maybe was planning a great holiday or to pay off some credit card debt

@Userlosername She is 4 so at school.

I can't imagine not telling my wife, but that said most on here would say to a woman save it as fuck off fund and would think she had every right to do so.

@Maddy70 No he's never paid for a holiday (his parents gift him money for those too).

At best, he sounds financially irresponsible – and at worst, possibly financially abusive. The fact that he won’t even go through a spreadsheet with you is worrying. If he has a brand new car, has he thought about using it for Uber on evenings or weekends to bring in extra income?

He has at least £15k in savings that you know about, earns more than you, and yet you’re the one contributing more. That alone would be a red flag, but the fact that he refuses to sit down and go through the finances with you on a spreadsheet is deeply concerning. Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if he has significantly more than £15k tucked away.

Universal credit claimants?