Husband gifted £5k

[everychildmatters]

Long story short...
My SIL came over today and she let it slip (she of course assumed I knew) that her parents had gifted husband £5k (she had her dad's car when he stopped driving at 83 so they were "evening things out."
Hubby and I both work but I'm a SEND Tutor which means I only get paid for the hours I work e.g not in school holidays. We rent privately as simply can't afford to buy and has been that way for years. My car is also on its last legs and I do a lot of travel for work so no idea what to do when that packs up!! His mum and dad have just also purchased him a beautiful new electric car.
Hubby knows my anxiety about paying bills etc has been through the roof.
He says he didn't tell me because I have been so stressed, but the truth is (IMO) is he didn't tell me because I could then have said could we use some of that if I can't get work over six weeks holiday etc?
I feel so let down and disappointed - I don't think he'd ever have told me if I hadn't found put through SIL.
Perhaps I'm being unreasonable but feeling crap tbh.

I'm surprised you're a tutor since you seem to ask really basic questions/ lack some critical thinking skills. That said, I am really sorry your husband is treating you this way financially. You must be stressed and worried sick about your finances, while he's living comfortably - what kind of marriage is that?

To answer your question, you could get a place on your salary alone because if (and when) you leave your husband, you will have benefit entitlements that will make housing more affordable.

Re your husband doing 50/50, someone asked how he would do 50/50 childcare and you said your daughter goes to school. Does that mean your husband works school hours and term time only? I'm assuming he doesn't, which would mean he would have to pay for wrap around and holiday care to actually manage 50/50 which is a lot more expensive than just paying child maintenance.

Her salary is fine and perfectly organised for chilcare.

OP your husband is squirreling away every penny. He has a long term plan.

If you separate you will be entitled to claim uc.

@Userlosername Teaching jobs are very hard to find these days for someone who is on upper pay scale due to school budgets.

I think you need to think about a career change OP. At the moment you are scrimping for cash and that is no way to live. You need to bring in more money. Can you get an evening/night job and work around this ?

This is all really weird to me. Do you not share things? Surely if your car stops working, together as partners you’ll sort a new one or try to?

@holamuchgusto OP’s mother-in-law has already mentioned that the money is for family. And why should the sole responsibility be on OP to look to work more and increase her earning potential? What about her financially irresponsible husband? If they both were to increase their earning potential, they might be able to save for their own place instead of privately renting the rest of their lives. Instead OP’s husband has £15k saved, possibly more, and instead of easing the financial burden, chooses to bury his head in the sand and have the bank of Mum and Dad swoop in and pay for his car and holidays etc.

If you are earning £30 an hour, 6 hours a day (9am to 3pm between school hours), 5 days a week that's £900 a week! That's £3600 every 4 weeks before deductions. So tell me how you are not able to save?!
Very rude to ask her. Maybe she just said that.

@DrummingMousWife I could, but if I do that he will simply expect me to cover more costs than I do already. * *

OP I think you are me 10 years ago.
When DC is 12, they will be 50/50 able.

He will have a flat of his own. (Probably in his parents name)

Run. Do not walk.

It’s not though. She claims to be extremely stressed about money and driving her car even though it has a dangerous fault that she says will cost £2k to fix.

op - you’d be better to buy a cheap car than spend that type of money on repairs. I just sold a reliable run around for 2.5k. You could buy similar

She is working AND doing all hoilday childcare FFS

@holamuchgusto A lot less than that after deductions, student loan repayments/pension etc. And I have to put some away as no sick pay and nothing at all of the holidays. If I didn't then couldn't afford rent and bills over Easter/summer etc.

How old are you?

@BlackStrayCat 44.

Is there any love in this relationship. It sounds like he doesn’t like you and you distrust him at most. Maybe it’s times to move on.

Glad to see your update to get a new timing belt quote, definitely go for it. The £2K quote is too high for an old car, they are ripping you off.

I think I haven’t read on the posts, what does your DH want to do with the money?

I thought as much.

You need to make plans to leave. Seriously.

And who will look after their 4yr old DC? Or are you suggesting that OP get a job so she can pay out what she earns during the school holidays to a child-minder?

It’s just so nice of him to tolerate you. I don’t know how you could live with this POS

Is your husband actually aware about the timing belt issue at all? Have you talked to him about your concerns about the car and the consequences of it breaking down?

@TubTubTub He says he's put half away for our daughter and half in his own account. He wouldn't have told me about it if I hadn't found out through SIL.

No he has not.

@Matsukaze Oh yes - I showed him the quote from the garage.

Isn’t there a big shortage of teachers though? Have you tried looking for teaching jobs? Clearly Tthe tutoring is not working out for you. As others on the thread have said though you could do more hours and work in summer to fix your car.

at the end of the day, he should be paying for a fair amount of household costs. But so should you. It’s hard to understand who is paying what from your posts