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Original poster

Husband gifted £5k

730 replies

everychildmatters · 21/03/2025 21:05

Long story short...
My SIL came over today and she let it slip (she of course assumed I knew) that her parents had gifted husband £5k (she had her dad's car when he stopped driving at 83 so they were "evening things out."
Hubby and I both work but I'm a SEND Tutor which means I only get paid for the hours I work e.g not in school holidays. We rent privately as simply can't afford to buy and has been that way for years. My car is also on its last legs and I do a lot of travel for work so no idea what to do when that packs up!! His mum and dad have just also purchased him a beautiful new electric car.
Hubby knows my anxiety about paying bills etc has been through the roof.
He says he didn't tell me because I have been so stressed, but the truth is (IMO) is he didn't tell me because I could then have said could we use some of that if I can't get work over six weeks holiday etc?
I feel so let down and disappointed - I don't think he'd ever have told me if I hadn't found put through SIL.
Perhaps I'm being unreasonable but feeling crap tbh.

OP posts:
Original poster
everychildmatters · 22/03/2025 18:43

@Radish81 Yes I pay to cover costs as necessary. But their dad is a millionaire so doing pretty well tbf. There's a wing each at his.

OP posts:
Radish81 · 22/03/2025 18:44

And when they visit… you buy all their food etc?

Has he ever said that you wouldn’t have got the house you do if it wasn’t for needing space for your teens?

it seems so…. Unblended

what’s the atmosphere been like? How are the two of you managing to parent civilly if all this is ongoing?

Radish81 · 22/03/2025 18:45

everychildmatters · 22/03/2025 18:43

@Radish81 Yes I pay to cover costs as necessary. But their dad is a millionaire so doing pretty well tbf. There's a wing each at his.

So surely this explains why your husband has more money left over each month?

if you’re paying CMS for two teens and paying for everything when they visit (how often?)

Original poster
everychildmatters · 22/03/2025 18:47

@Radish81 Pretty much, yes. He buys perhaps a few meals for them. I buy them clothes for the EOW they are here etc. But tbf they're not his and don't live with us the majority. My ex-husband is incredibly wealthy so they're both very well off young men. I don't actually expect my husband to contribute towards them really. We'd need at least a two-bed if the boys didn't come to stay, we're in a 3-bed private rental and that's our absolute limit financially. The house we are in currently is far, far more than we could ever dream of affording. The last estimate on Zoopla was around £582k.

OP posts:
Radish81 · 22/03/2025 18:50

I wonder if your children don’t visit much because they’re aware of the tension between you two, and the money issues?

Original poster
everychildmatters · 22/03/2025 18:52

@Radish81 Well they are obviously benefiting from their father's wealth which is understandable. They enjoy the swimming pool and hottub and ex's wife "serves them" (his words, not mine).
They clearly know we are hugely less well off. My middle son doesn't believe women should work at all.

OP posts:
Radish81 · 22/03/2025 18:54

everychildmatters · 22/03/2025 18:52

@Radish81 Well they are obviously benefiting from their father's wealth which is understandable. They enjoy the swimming pool and hottub and ex's wife "serves them" (his words, not mine).
They clearly know we are hugely less well off. My middle son doesn't believe women should work at all.

Edited

This must be devastating for you
you are their mother
they will want to visit you and their sister but I suspect your dh makes them feel as welcome as as pile of dog shit

Original poster
everychildmatters · 22/03/2025 18:55

@Radish81 Not at all. They spend loads of time with him. They have no time with bio father.

OP posts:
Radish81 · 22/03/2025 18:55

How often do you see your children OP?
You earn very little and have an inordinate about of outgoings. I can’t see how you aren’t in fairly serious debt.

Radish81 · 22/03/2025 18:56

everychildmatters · 22/03/2025 18:55

@Radish81 Not at all. They spend loads of time with him. They have no time with bio father.

Come again?

they live with their father “the
majority of the time

so when are they spending all this time with your husband?

Original poster
everychildmatters · 22/03/2025 18:56

@Radish81 EOW. Not my choice. No debt because apart from bills we just "live."

OP posts:
Radish81 · 22/03/2025 18:57

everychildmatters · 22/03/2025 18:52

@Radish81 Well they are obviously benefiting from their father's wealth which is understandable. They enjoy the swimming pool and hottub and ex's wife "serves them" (his words, not mine).
They clearly know we are hugely less well off. My middle son doesn't believe women should work at all.

Edited

So how does your middle son view your husband and your marriage?!

Original poster
everychildmatters · 22/03/2025 18:57

@Radish81 They're big walkers/campers so do that when they can. Especially in holiday time. It was never my choice to go EOW but that's a very long story.

OP posts:
Radish81 · 22/03/2025 18:59

everychildmatters · 22/03/2025 18:56

@Radish81 EOW. Not my choice. No debt because apart from bills we just "live."

God that must be devastating for you
and to think that they see you driving around a banger and he’s in a new electric car
and they see you meticulously paying for everything relating to your them

Just shocking

Radish81 · 22/03/2025 18:59

everychildmatters · 22/03/2025 18:57

@Radish81 They're big walkers/campers so do that when they can. Especially in holiday time. It was never my choice to go EOW but that's a very long story.

Well I think your husband and seeing your marriage to him will no doubt play a bloody big part in their hand off relationship

Original poster
everychildmatters · 22/03/2025 18:59

@Radish81 Unfortunately my son is raised to be a misogynist at father's. Women are ONLY there to "serve men" and should not work. Women should ask permission to leave the house and it is OK to be tracked via iPhone. Just a few of the reasons I left.

OP posts:
Purpl · 22/03/2025 19:00

everychildmatters · 21/03/2025 21:39

@Trolleysaregoodforemployment I thought my husband could perhaps work more as a team I guess?

Can you not work at school holiday activity camps there are lots near me local leisure centre and david Lloyd. You be perfect as must already got dbs and experience

Original poster
everychildmatters · 22/03/2025 19:00

@Radish81 Not true. Court ruled at 3 and 6. Way before I met my husband.

OP posts:
Radish81 · 22/03/2025 19:01

everychildmatters · 22/03/2025 18:59

@Radish81 Unfortunately my son is raised to be a misogynist at father's. Women are ONLY there to "serve men" and should not work. Women should ask permission to leave the house and it is OK to be tracked via iPhone. Just a few of the reasons I left.

so what the hell does he say and how
does he behave when he comes to you EOW and sees your life?

this just gets worse and worse

Original poster
everychildmatters · 22/03/2025 19:01

@Purpl The issue comes with childcare cancelling out earnings (unless it is well paid?)

OP posts:
Radish81 · 22/03/2025 19:02

everychildmatters · 22/03/2025 19:00

@Radish81 Not true. Court ruled at 3 and 6. Way before I met my husband.

goodness some shit must have gone down for a mother to only get EOW despite wanting 50/50 at least presumably

Radish81 · 22/03/2025 19:02

everychildmatters · 22/03/2025 19:01

@Purpl The issue comes with childcare cancelling out earnings (unless it is well paid?)

Your teens could help out? Spend some time with their sister?

Radish81 · 22/03/2025 19:03

Radish81 · 22/03/2025 19:02

Your teens could help out? Spend some time with their sister?

Show quote history

Although wouldn’t want your son near my daughter with his views

Original poster
everychildmatters · 22/03/2025 19:03

@Radish81 Well now it's calmer because he adores hia sister. The one my ex-husband told the boys would be "severely mentally disabled" (not the word he used but I refuse to write it) as I was "too old to have a baby."

OP posts:
Purpl · 22/03/2025 19:05

everychildmatters · 22/03/2025 19:01

@Purpl The issue comes with childcare cancelling out earnings (unless it is well paid?)

I doubt it’s well paid but you might get free place for your child which would help ?
id be worried about not replacing the timing belt it could lead to more extensive damage.
im sorry you are struggling but personally i think you and your husband need to take evenning pub or cleaning work and alternate the childcare till at least you can get a car sorted. I get you probably both work hard but there doesn’t seem much option,
I think it would be best to keep 5k as a buffer for if the boiler goes