Husband gifted £5k

[everychildmatters]

Long story short...
My SIL came over today and she let it slip (she of course assumed I knew) that her parents had gifted husband £5k (she had her dad's car when he stopped driving at 83 so they were "evening things out."
Hubby and I both work but I'm a SEND Tutor which means I only get paid for the hours I work e.g not in school holidays. We rent privately as simply can't afford to buy and has been that way for years. My car is also on its last legs and I do a lot of travel for work so no idea what to do when that packs up!! His mum and dad have just also purchased him a beautiful new electric car.
Hubby knows my anxiety about paying bills etc has been through the roof.
He says he didn't tell me because I have been so stressed, but the truth is (IMO) is he didn't tell me because I could then have said could we use some of that if I can't get work over six weeks holiday etc?
I feel so let down and disappointed - I don't think he'd ever have told me if I hadn't found put through SIL.
Perhaps I'm being unreasonable but feeling crap tbh.

His parents pay for his holidays, his cars, used to pay for his fuel? Maybe he wants to be able to support himself, he's an adult, right?

Why does he need the car for work, then?
He’d hardly see you without a car while his sits idle on the drive, would he?
Sounds like you can’t afford two cars.

@sandyhappypeople He sold it. I can't use his car unfortunately as he will often start and finish the day at home but then gets called out for an emergency home visit (he's in MH social care). Obviously he can't predict if/when these will happen.

@Annascaul Just answered this.

WHY?!
Why are you covering the majority of the bills? Why is he happy for you to contribute more than him? (Assuming you’re not earning more). Why are you allowing this?

That doesn’t sound like the low stress job you said he had

@Userlosername He is always there with a qualified SW so takes notes etc.

He's in MH social care and has to do emergency visits but "He has a very relaxed job, mostly WFH. Has never understood the meaning of the word stress as far as work is concerned!!"

That actually sounds quite a stressful job, complete opposite to what you claimed a couple of pages earlier. You made out he just sits around with no stress at all 🙄

I didn't say she couldn't get UC as a single person, but she isn't a single person and that was what I was pointing out to you. You're assuming OP wants to leave her DH - nowhere on this thread has she posted she wants to do this.

Also if you are able to pay the majority of the bills working 15 hours a week, financially you’d be much better off on your own.

@sandyhappypeople See above. He takes notes etc, acts as a second person present for qualified SW etc. But mostly WFH typing up/phone calls etc

@Userlosername I DONT WORK 15 HRS PW!!!!!

The expense and difficulty of childcare is a massive reason. Not an excuse.

No you said she couldn’t get uc because she was cohabiting- that’s not accurate.

she would be judged as a single person if she left her dh and so would get help from uc. She claimed she couldn’t afford to live alone hence why people raised uc (and you said she couldn’t get it if cohabiting etc).

Me and DH both work full time and manage to cover childcare for a 4 year old between us, we'd done it since she was born so it can be done.

Most people I know have had extra part time work to boost their family incomes at some time or other.

OP - you said you have two children but only talk about your husband's four year old. You also said he put 2.5K into the four year old's savings account and kept the other half for himself. Is that right? Does you receive maintenance from your other's child's father, presuming your husband is not the father of both children?

As your husband pays less towards the household, I wonder is there a resentment towards paying for your other child? Is this the root cause of the unequal contributions?

Because there is a root cause and I suspect if you are honest with yourself you know what it is......

Sorry but we’re all mums here. There is childcare available. Op only works 15 hours a week in term time. She can clearly be working more hours with a school age child. I say that a single mum who works full time

so how many hours do you work, you said you were on £30 an hour and earned £450 per week?

@Sleepington No I don't have two children.

@sandyhappypeople Deductions?

so how many hours a week do you work?

Squander?

It's for her livelihood and they're supposed to be a partnership!

That isn't how marriage is supposed to work (assuming you care about your spouse, that is)

So your earnings of £450pw are gross then, not net? How many hours pw do you work then? And what are your net earnings pw? You said your DH earns only a little more than you so is he working F/T?