Husband gifted £5k

[everychildmatters]

Long story short...
My SIL came over today and she let it slip (she of course assumed I knew) that her parents had gifted husband £5k (she had her dad's car when he stopped driving at 83 so they were "evening things out."
Hubby and I both work but I'm a SEND Tutor which means I only get paid for the hours I work e.g not in school holidays. We rent privately as simply can't afford to buy and has been that way for years. My car is also on its last legs and I do a lot of travel for work so no idea what to do when that packs up!! His mum and dad have just also purchased him a beautiful new electric car.
Hubby knows my anxiety about paying bills etc has been through the roof.
He says he didn't tell me because I have been so stressed, but the truth is (IMO) is he didn't tell me because I could then have said could we use some of that if I can't get work over six weeks holiday etc?
I feel so let down and disappointed - I don't think he'd ever have told me if I hadn't found put through SIL.
Perhaps I'm being unreasonable but feeling crap tbh.

@sandyhappypeople He is a Head Burier. That's how he's been raised. If I bury my head someone else will pay.

So then you could quite easily afford to live on your own? Despite saying earlier you couldn't. You are literally contradicting yourself. You said his parents got him an electric car to save fuel costs and he charges at work but then you say he works from home?! It cant all be true.

I didn't see OP's post saying she wanted to leave her DH?

@AngelicKaty
No. I've explained this.

What the fuck is wrong with you??

@holamuchgusto Please read CAREFULLY!

I don't think it's a good sign that he has not told you about this money. If your financial set-up is separate accounts (and it's beyond me why married couples have this set-up but each to their own), then it suggests one of you isn't keeping up their end of the deal.

Either cars are an agreed joint expense and he is hiding the money to avoid having to contribute his share. Or they aren't an agreed joint expense but you're liable to pester and pressure him to help you out anyway.

Not looking good either way IMO.

Well then she has potential to earn more. child in school she can work more than 15 hours a week.

Another none answer.

So why do YOU think he doesn't want to give you any extra money then? Does he not think you work enough? Does he think you are 'playing at' tutoring and he would prefer you to get a 'proper' job? What?

Do you honestly expect people to believe that you just sit there passively with absolutely no idea of why he begrudges you?

@holamuchgusto I'm not feeding the troll.

It sounds like your job as a tutor is not providing an adequate income for you. Perhaps think about a different role to cover your bills and take away some of the worry of not having a regular income?

@Scenicgirl Or perhaps expect husband to step up so the majority of the bills are not down to me?

Not a troll, just someone with clearly more life experience and common sense than you. A problem is only a solution is disguise. But you don't appear to even want to consider any other option what so ever. Only make your husband look like the bad person.

@holamuchgusto OP mentioned above in case you missed it that her husband charges his car at work.

My post was in response to your post claiming op couldn’t get uc to afford to live independently because she is assessed as a couple. I was pointing out that what you’re saying isn’t accurate.

To be fair the OP also said that her husband works from home....

Yes but then she said he has a low stress job working from home?! So if he works from home he cannot be charging his car at work.
There's lots of contradictions if you read through.

He apparently works from home though. So how can both be true?

@Sleepington MOSTLY

He MOSTLY works from home. The word is MOSTLY.

Or perhaps you step up. Ever heard of equality?
Your husbands 5k windfall would be swallowed up immediately by replacing your car, which is probably why he tried to keep it quiet. I'm not saying that is right in a marriage but he obviously did it for a reason. Have you had a talk with him about this other than your initial conversation?

Having read all your replies it’s clear to me that you need to have a serious chat about finances and sharing things more equally- putting the £5k and other gifts aside for now. When you’re married you’re supposed to be a team. If you’re not pooling all your money as family money then you should both be contributing equally according to your earnings. Eg if he brings in 2k each month after tax and you bring in 1.5k (work out average monthly earnings over the year if you’re not working/earning in school holidays), then he puts 1,600 into a joint account (80% of his money, for example) and you put in 1,200 (80% of yours). This joint account should have enough in it to cover all the joint household bills - rent, utilities, council tax, food bill etc. then you both get to keep the rest for your personal spending. He’s being completely unfair to give you a fairly arbitrary amount then you cover the rest of the bills.

As for the 5k - what has he spent it on? What’s his justification for not sharing it as family money when you are married with a child? Seems a pretty crappy husband who would stand by and hoard money when his wife is majorly stressed about bills and needs a new car but he’s prepared for her and his child to drive around in a faulty one.

In that case, why not speak to him about using the electric car when he's MOSTLY working from home and getting rid of the second car to save expense?

What do you tutor in OP?

I find your posts.....rushed.

What was your husband's reaction when you gave up your fulltime job? Were you both in agreement about that decision?

So why can't you use his car when he is mostly working from home?

You never answered what happened to his old car either?