Husband gifted £5k

[everychildmatters]

Long story short...
My SIL came over today and she let it slip (she of course assumed I knew) that her parents had gifted husband £5k (she had her dad's car when he stopped driving at 83 so they were "evening things out."
Hubby and I both work but I'm a SEND Tutor which means I only get paid for the hours I work e.g not in school holidays. We rent privately as simply can't afford to buy and has been that way for years. My car is also on its last legs and I do a lot of travel for work so no idea what to do when that packs up!! His mum and dad have just also purchased him a beautiful new electric car.
Hubby knows my anxiety about paying bills etc has been through the roof.
He says he didn't tell me because I have been so stressed, but the truth is (IMO) is he didn't tell me because I could then have said could we use some of that if I can't get work over six weeks holiday etc?
I feel so let down and disappointed - I don't think he'd ever have told me if I hadn't found put through SIL.
Perhaps I'm being unreasonable but feeling crap tbh.

@BlackStrayCat Who knows?

He just sounds pretty shit to me. What are you fighting for. He’s not fighting for you

I do.
He is deflecting.

Well then maybe it's time to reconsider being self employed and get a permanent job with guaranteed sick pay and doing the private tutoring for etc income. Clearly the current finances aren't working. Maybe your husband is trying to tell you to work more, by declining to contribute any more? Maybe he feels like you don't contribute sufficient. I understand working less of when kids are little but your child is 4 and in full time school.

His mum and dad have just also purchased him a beautiful new electric car.

Why did they give him 5k to balance out SIL Getting FILs car? And what happens when you tell him you can't get to work without your car and you need financial support?

Why are you picking up the bulk of the bills?! You need to create a spreadsheet of all the joint expenses like rent, food, council tax, gas, electric, tv licence, netflix/sky/amazon, car fuel, car insurance, car tax and mot etc. And then look at both your salaries and see how you can cover that. And what is left you divide and both have equal spending money after putting some savings away. You are married and have a child together so makes no sense for you to not share expenses.

@MsBucket TThat's exactly how I feel. He has a very relaxed job, mostly WFH. Has never understood the meaning of the word stress as far as work is concerned!!

@holamuchgusto If I earnt more he would reduce his pay to me.

What do you teach? Are there grammar schools near you? The 11+ is in September so there will always be parents looking for summer holiday tutoring in grammar areas

My lawyer would definitely suggest not upping you salary any more.

Divorce.

@Ophy83 I'm primary and no grammar schools locally. I put out ads for holiday tuition but no replies unfortunately. Will try again.

Then up it.

And what was his response?!

You need to sort out the situation. Not solve it for him. He will exploit you further.

@holamuchgusto You don't get it do you? I already cover the majority of the bloody bills!!!!!!

Do you even like each other? get on? enjoy each others company?

The only way any of this makes sense is if he thinks you aren't maximising your earning potential, if you are choosing to only do enough hours to get by or can only get that amount and refuse to consider other career options then he's got a point, why should he use the money he's been gifted so you don't have to bother working any school holidays at all?

Your answers are very clipped and have hardly any context so I imagine there is very much another side to this story...

@Happilyobtuse Nothing. Didn't mention the £5k or anything. He knows I can't afford it.

A few hairy handed Spanish people.

I wouldn't call 10k much of a nest egg. 10k could be gone very quickly - new roof, unemployment, replacemlent car. I'm not surprised he's trying to hang on to the 5k.

@DuesToTheDirt It's a HUGE amount to us. House rented, his parents buy him his cars. His mum used to pay for his fuel but now just covers the £30 per month for his electric point.

But op was the one who gave up her permanent job which would have helped them get a house. Of course she should not have sole financial responsibility but neither should her dh

see it's answers like this that make me think this whole thread is bollocks.. you 'showed him' the quote for the garage and he said.. nothing, so he'd be happy with you breaking down with your 4 year old in the car, and he'd say ... nothing.

You asked him about the £5000 and he said.. nothing.

What is it you're not telling us here?

Would he move back in with his parents if you separated?

Are both children his? I'm guessing not? Would he take both children 50% of the time rather than pay maintenance? I'd be tempted to let him because that arrangement won't last long.

I can't see the advantage of being with him to be honest. From what you have written, you feel you can't afford to live anywhere else and without someone else?

It is a very sad situation, and one I think, a lot of women, feel trapped in.

OP has already posted that she earns £450pw so she's working 15hrs pw.