EBSA support thread 2

[Luddite26]

Hopefully this links to Brambley Hedges EBSA support thread.
A community to discuss the processes and support each other when children are experiencing Emotionally Based School Avoidance.

Hope exams are finished @Piony .💐

Whereabouts in London are you @greenhappy?

Thank you @Luddite26 . He sat them all (nowhere near 9, but all he was entered for). It nearly broke him so we have everything crossed he passes English. 10 weeks off ahead. I'm going to try not to push him into things to keep busy.

@greenhappy good luck with your search. I hope the rest of you are hanging in there. This last month of the school year can be tricky with end of year events, exams etc.

Chalk Farm

You could have a look at Orange Tree School, and Abingdon House in Marylebone might be suitable too.

I've not been on Mumsnet for over a year. It was just too hard when we were trying to get ds to do his GCSEs. Thanks @Luddite26 for continuing this thread as it seems like it is needed. DS did manage to get fives passes - no idea how. He was late for every single exam and it was absolute hell every day. But he did it. He started college but they didn't support him at all so he had to leave. His EHCP was reviewed and we were so glad when he got a place at a specialist small sixth form unit for people with anxiety/ EBSA. Then he got physically ill for six months (unrelated but terrible timing) so could not attend. But finally now he is on medication, he is able to attend having missed education for a whole year. He isn't doing a qualification at the moment but hopefully he can start getting something next year. His new setting has only been going for a year but seems like the right place for him. Everyone there has had EBSA and it is so focused on the needs of the young people. But it still all seems so fragile and I've no idea what he'll do in the future. I still have a few difficult days a week trying to support him. But he'll be an adult in a year and then what can I do? I'm just glad that compared to last year we are in a better place.

I hope that everyone on this thread finds the support they and their children need somewhere out there. Remember that there are lots of us when you feel alone. X

Thankyou @BrambleyHedge for your wonderful update. I really appreciate you sharing this after the hell you were going through last year.
Firstly that is fantastic news about your son's GCSEs. Truly amazing.
I'm sorry to hear that he has been poorly. I hope he has recovered well and he can have a much smoother year ahead.
I know things won't be perfect but with his GCSEs he has a solid foundation which can only be built on. And now he has time to build on it and also it must have given him some confidence in himself to keep going.
I hope you are getting more chance to look after yourself.

I hope other mumsnetters get to see your update as it a relief to read and full of hope too. Thankyou.

@BrambleyHedge how lovely to hear from you. Thank you for the update. I'm sorry your son has been so ill, it must be a very long haul but you did brilliantly to get him into the new college. It still sounds utterly exhausting for you. One of the LSAs at DS's unit told me very gently that they all find their way. It's just often not obvious at 15/16 what that will be.

My 16 year old is definitely a bit brighter now it's the holidays for him. It's not actually resulted in him doing much more as yet but I can see he has more capacity.

What does your summer ahead look like @Luddite26? Do you get a break and switch to holiday mode, or keep the routine consistent?

I'm glad to hear that your son is feeling the relief of the holidays/end of y11 @Piony . I really hope the complete break without the pressure can give you all some breathing space.
We are keeping going until the August bank holiday as we are working on the principle of doing less structured work and more play right now! Not saying we are behind but we've got till then left in our workbooks. We have been getting for a lot of days out and small breaks going to zoos and castles but once the Summer hols start for everyone we will be stopping at home more and crossing the ts and dotting the is! Although there is a fab National Trust with the best playground near us which we visit a lot we like to get there early.
We have had a few trips recently where there have been a lot of school trips which GS isn't keen on but he's coped but the holidays are a different matter. Then he's going away at the beginning of September so I am planning to start year 2 mid September.
We do a lot of reading anyway and don't have a 'break' from that. But I find GS may easily forget a lot if he has a big break.
We get out and about two days in the week.
I would love to do some YouTube videos of what I imagine our days out to be and what they end up like in reality.
For instance the other week I thought right we will pay to go in the Sculpture park (only pay for adults) because they all love roaming on the grass and there isn't the dreaded dog muck for them to tread in or worse that you get at the local park - although we go there a lot too.
So we all got into the park which is a wonderful open space and when we got in a huge flock of sheep were roaming the whole of it. Which the kids loved but it was absolutely full of sheep muck it felt like every square foot had a few pieces in which is not great when wearing crocs. There are still some home ed workshops continuing in the hols too like a Falconry one at Harewood House. We have had a couple of good days at Warwick Castle too I highly recommend for all ages and very central if you live in England!

Did you get an evening at a comedy club booked @Piony ? Have you any summer plans?

How is everyone doing at this point in the year? Is anything positive happening ? Has anyone made any progress with the LA? Has anyone got any nice Summer holiday plans?

Booting this up again - sorry @Luddite26 we were away making the most of term time holidays when you last posted.

My son sat and passed every exam including the scary one, Eng Lang. He has 5 GCSEs (or equivalent)! So happy for him.

We have had a very slow summer, just kept all the pressure off. Getting him out and about to do things is difficult, but we do need to respect the fact he is 16 and a lot of young people his age won't be doing a lot of family day trips etc.

I hope you are all finding some peace this holiday.

Thankyou @Piony. Believe it or not when I was having my first coffee and browsing Mumsnet this morning I was wondering how you and your family were doing. That is fabulous to hear about your son's exam results. I really hope that has given him a confidence boost. And I hope you've had some chance to recharge your batteries.

I really hope everyone has had a breather over the Summer where EBSA is concerned at least. Thoughts are with everyone at the start of the new school year.

What an achievement! Well done to your boy! 😌

I am dreading the return @Luddite26DD10 whilst a lot better on the ADHD meds is really concerned about going back. They’ve moved her in to a class with a teacher that she just doesn’t gel with. She’s already saying she doesn’t think she can go back! I’ve tried to reassure that all the adjustments she had last term are still in place.

DS11 starts secondary so a huge transition for him.

DD15 going in to year 11 but I already know she won’t be attending. LA consulting SEN schools as far as I know!

I hope you’re well and have had a nice summer!

Thankyou @fedup1212 .I was just saying to DH it's like we have summer burn out it's being going on for so long. We are sat on a lawn in Doncaster listening to a brass band and the youngest grandchildren are running round trees how has summer been for you?
You have a lot to cope with looming around the corner. I can really feel for DD with a new teacher poor thing. It's like here we go again. And is it SATS year?
I have just started a book called Unschooled by Caro Giles new out last week. It's about the nightmare hoops her family have been forced to go through in this mess of a system. Like everyone on this thread. It's reaffirming but also sad.
Good news about ADHD meds helping.
Eldest DD36! has been taking Lions Mane a herbal remedy for her ADHD and is feeling really positive about it.

Hi all, I've not been on here in ages, everything just got a bit crazy at the end of last term.

The LA finally caved and gave DD EOTAS, a very basic package but something at least, I'm appealing it to try to get her more, but she's started her online school, only done 3 lessons this week and has missed two of them as she didn't get up, but it's something at least!
She's been a lot more positive but there's definitely been some down days over the summer. She's got a mentor for 3 hrs a week but it's online and I don't think it's going to work, plus an art course she can do as and when... introducing these things slowly though. We have been walking her guitar teachers dog weekly, plus a 50 min guitar lesson. So it's enough for now. De registered her from school and didn't even get a reply from the headteacher. Not even an acknowledgement.

DS has been struggling, got his autism diagnosis just before the start of the holiday and have been dealing with a lot of very angry outbursts, barely eating much apart from very beige food and not wanting to go to school at all. He's got his 11+ next week which I'm in two minds about, I have absolutely no idea where he's going to school for secondary. I just can't see him fitting in anywhere. He's too little! He's not got an EHCP and won't get one I don't think, he's doing ok once he's there but he just has such strong separation anxiety...I've tried finding help but it's all tailored to young kids, he's 10 and honestly it's like having a 6 month old.

Things are improving a bit but it's all such a slog and I'm exhausted by teaching, having the kids pretty much full time on my own, as their dad buggered off 50 mins away to live with his girlfriend of just over a year and her family...he now has them four nights a month. Which means I barely get any time with my partner as he's so busy and I'm trapped at home with two kids who never want to go anywhere...

It could definitely be worse though!

It's lovely to hear all your positive stories. Can't remember who said it up thread but I was told the same, they'll get there at their own pace.

Him all. @fedup1212 I hope DS11 is getting on all right at secondary. Any news on the SEN schools? We were looking for one at start of Y11 and it's a tough age for it. What a lot you have on your plate.

Ditto @Icantpeopleanymore . Well done for getting the EOTAS in place, that's a big achievement. I can barely comprehend the idea of teaching while also dealing with this at home, and with so little input from their dad.

The brass band sounds lovely @Luddite26 . Are you staying in holiday mode another couple of weeks? Are there exams to worry about for your older boy this year or is that too distant at the moment?

I am so glad to read your update @Icantpeopleanymore .
I have wondered many times, seen the odd post on the amazing EHCP thread - wow those mumsnetters are prolific.
You have done amazing to get the EOTAS.
I'm sorry it must have felt like a hollow victory and not very professional not hearing back from dds school. They just love to punish those who can't fit the criteria.
I'm sorry it sounds like your DS isn't going to settle back into this new school year.
I may sound sexist and I don't mean to but boys can really struggle with the changes with their father. My brother used to be terrible after the occasional visit. It's really unfair how they can detatch from these poor kids they brought into the world
I hope your DD can settle down a bit with her online school. I hope you can just keep going.

Caro Giles the writer of Unschooled has done quite a few interviews this week promoting her book they've been a good listen. She is on substack for any links.

Thankyou @Piony DGS should be doing English and maths and he knows he may as well try now otherwise he will end up repeating them. So fingers crossed.
And we are starting on the 15th opening workbooks as they are on holiday this week and then one will be 7 next week so we are going to enjoy that He has only had since the bank holiday off as we kept things going but nothing intense. Too long a break and he may forget.
Is anything unfolding at your house? Has DS decided what he is doing? Does he need to?

He is doing OK thank you! He’s in rather small classes for his core subjects which helps and my sister is actually a learning support assistant in the same school which is nice! Transport was a shitshow though to sort!

No word from the SEN schools as of yet, you’re right it is a really tricky time! I just want her to have something!

how’s your week been?

summer was OK, we didn’t do a lot. Few days out here and there but we went away in April so didnt actually go away.

DD10 has managed until lunchtimes this week which is a good start! Though next week swimming starts and I’m dreading it. She’s already said she can’t go. But you know it is part of the curriculum 😒

Hope your weeks gone well!

They should make reasonable adjustments shouldn't they poor thing if she's dreading swimming she won't want to go to school at all. Nobody is in a hurry to fix anything. Fingers crossed for a good start on Monday.
I have been decluttering this week or trying to I'm not very good at it. But the summer has been a bit of a reign of chaos and it's no good!

Well done DD10 @fedup1212 . I"m surprised they can insist she go swimming, it seems such an easy adjustment to make (if you are on board with that).

Cautiously, DS has had a good start at college. Early days but staff are really going out of their way to connect with him.

That's good to hear. I really hope your son feels more secure at college and able to go @Piony Fingers crossed.

Good luck to everyone for another week.