EBSA support thread 2

[Luddite26]

Hopefully this links to Brambley Hedges EBSA support thread.
A community to discuss the processes and support each other when children are experiencing Emotionally Based School Avoidance.

Thank you @Luddite26 I was on here a while ago under EggShells1972 but I seem to have logged myself off and can't get back in so now I have this new odd name! DD's most recent school decided they couldn't do any more for her and she wasn't attending at all so they said they were not offering her a place for next year. TBH they tried a lot but she just couldn't attend. So I'm now supposed to be home educating her and we're under the Local Authority's EHE dept now but I literally cannot motivate her to do any learning at all. She just shuts down at the mere mention of it. I have to send a report to the LA to evidence what she's been doing and I"m not sure where to start! Thank you for the £2 Tuition Hub info - I had never heard of it but it looks great! I was actually hoping that DD might be keen to do some GCSEs online and then perhaps rejoin school for 6th form or something like that but I just don't know what will happen. It doesn't bother me really - I know everything will work out for her in the end, it's just pressure from the husband doesn't help and now need to write this blooming report for the council!

Oh no eggshells you seem to have been forced into off rolling. That doesn't seem fair especially as you now feel under pressure with a report.
Sometimes husbands /dads just don't get it and it makes it harder for mums - like walking on egg shells.
When my dd was in years 9 and 10 she did some online learning then in Y11 she went to college for one year got through GCSEs. Then had a break from learning then did her access certificate which got her into nursing.
There is always hope even when it feels like all the drawbridges are up.

Does DD enjoy any hobbies?
I haven't written a report for home ed I just have the ehe officers come and visit and we talk through everything. But I would speak to the doctors and say she's not fit for learning if she isn't managing anything. It's not fair for you both to have that pressure.

I was thinking @user1486593077 I have had some good advice off a lady called SENDinMama about home educating a PDA child just because you don't know whether you are doing more harm than good sometimes.
I would highly recommend a chat/consultation with her she is very reasonable.and she home eds her own children.

@user1486593077 have a look at HEFA for advice on writing a response to the LA’s informal enquiry. Learning doesn’t have to be sat down traditional learning. Most in the EHE world advise keeping things in writing rather than home visits.

Do you actively want to EHE? If not, you could inform the LA you are no longer EHE and they need to make alternative arrangements as per section 19 of the Education Act 1996.

Does DD have an EHCP? If not, I would request an EHCNA. On their website, IPSEA has a model letter you can use.

How is everyone? I can’t remember what our last update was but after the whole debacle with MNHES suddenly changing dd’s group and timetable with no prior warning, she didn’t go back at all before the summer holidays. They have her scheduled in for an ‘extra transition’ on 3rd September but I’m not holding my breath as she’s super anxious about it already. She didn’t sleep until 4am last night because she’s worried about it.

We had her final EHCP back after we had lots of comments about the draft EHCP but it’s still not great so we’re having to push back again. They have consulted the school we looked at and liked but not heard back yet due to summer hols.

I asked dd what she thought about going to that school and would she be able to cope with it if it happens soon, and she said she thinks she will be fine. She said it’s a fresh start and she thinks going somewhere new with access to the RP/extra support will work for her. I do actually feel positive about it but I am still cautious, as I think she will throw herself into it and burn out again like she did with her last school.

She is desperate to get back to some sense of normality and live the same life her friends are living. She has actually been doing pretty well generally so I am feeling positive for now, but I am dreading having to play the game of trying to get her to MNHES again when September rolls around because the relationship has totally broken down for her and it’s just another place which fills her with panic 😔

DS has said he is going to try to do better at attendance this year. DD2 is happy that all the adjustments made at her new school still apply and we shall see with DD1.

I had a revelation though which was that I had been trying to make them be like me when I was at school. And they are not me. So I am backing off the pressure there and all I expect is for them to go to school and do their homework. I am not going to worry about marks unless they ask me to. And maybe that will help.

I think that is a good attitude to have. I think them attending willingly and being happy is enough, without any pressure to do ‘well.’ I’ve always made it clear to dd that there’s many different paths she can go down to reach whatever her ultimate goal may be and results at school aren’t the be-all and end-all. She’s also very different to me in that I attended school fine but just totally disengaged - so even though I was very bright I scraped by and flew under the radar as I was very quiet and compliant 😄 Typical late diagnosed autistic girl! Whereas she is so eager to learn and wants to do well for herself, and I am sure in the right environment she will do just that.

@Leafywool if you aren’t satisfied with the EHCP, you should appeal. Don’t let your right of appeal lapse. Don’t rely on the LA subsequently amending the content of B&F &/or I, even if they say they will. They may not. Even if they do, it may not be to a satisfactory standard.