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One of a group of friends spent weekend away being awful to me

177 replies

Askingabouttreesy67 · 17/03/2025 06:54

Went on a group weekend away with a group I'd known for years.
I've recently suffered a really traumatic bereavement so just needed to have a nice time.

One person in the group just made some awful comments to me throughout the weekend. We were hiking and saw a large toddler being carried and I commented it must be tough on that parent and hard to enjoy the activity. She said well your answer to everything is to leave the kids at home isn't it, you'll do anything to be apart from them.

I have no idea where she got this idea. I did say that our older teenager may not come on our next holiday with us but that's his choice. I said he mostly does his own thing but he's always included in our family life if he wants to be. Surely that's normal as kids get older?

I said my perfect day out is a walk around a National Trust property and she said well you won't want to do that anymore when your kids grow up. Even tiny little harmless things I said like that she turned against me.

She just wants to come across as so perfect saying she still does everything with her teenagers which just isn't realistic. No one else in the group seems irritated by her but I couldn't even look at her by the second day as she was so vile to me. Everything I said she would twist my words and paint me in a negative light.

I said we were taking the kids to Florida and she rolled her eyes and said she looked down upon people who enjoy those sort of holidays.

We drove past the place where my family have a holiday home and I said to another woman who I have a lovely mutual friend with that we should go sometime, the three of us. She was straight on this and said how could I be talking about going away with just one member of the group and how rude I was. I had previously offered the holiday home for our weekend away and she'd said she'd never stay somewhere like that as it wasn't nice enough for her.

My mum messaged me on the way back offering for me to come for dinner with all the family and she knew how happy and eager I was to get back so she deliberately went out of her way to make sure I was last to be dropped off and even then dropped me half a mile from the house with heavy bags to carry. Everyone else got dropped off at their houses.

There were loads of other comments and digs at me which I just tried to ignore. I have other friends who also can't stand this woman as she acts so superior to everyone and like her life and kids are so perfect.

I have loads of lovely friends who I can spend time with and not come away feeling like they've been negging me the whole time.

I really wish I'd spoken up for myself to be honest. I'm not sure if anyone else noticed how awful she was being as she always put it in a jokey way but it was really hurtful.

Is it worth saying something to her or just withdraw from the group? There's one member (who I was on about the holiday home with) who I have a separate friendship with anyway but the rest I'd probably lose touch with.

OP posts:
LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand · 17/03/2025 06:56

Just walk away from the group. If asked, you could always say you weren't enjoying it anymore.

Askingabouttreesy67 · 17/03/2025 07:00

Should I leave the group chat or just archive it? There are a couple of them that I also really like. I might just tell them if they ask but not offer the reason otherwise.

OP posts:
Treesarenotforeating · 17/03/2025 07:01

Walk away she ain’t a friend

stayathomer · 17/03/2025 07:01

I’d disagree with walking away from the group if they’re all likeable except her. Chances are something you said about your teen has made her paranoid about how she parents and she’s lost it a bit (as well as her just not being a nice person!) When she said about it being rude you inviting others to the house it was a pity you didn’t say but you said you didn’t like the house! But who comes out with things they need to at the right time to be fair!

stolenlullabies · 17/03/2025 07:01

You really should have challenged her after each comment - “why are you being so rude to me?”. She sounds awful!

Yes, I think I would probably drop out of the group and just keep direct contact with the people you like.

I can’t believe no one stood up for you though. That would make me question whether I’d bother with any of them.

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 17/03/2025 07:02

Agree with pp and also, depending on who you else was in earshot of those comments I'm surprised nobody else said anything or called her out (in a light hearted passive aggressive way of course) or at minimum, checked in with you "casually " later. She sounds absolutely vile and now I'm almost 50 o cannot understand how an adult can act this way.

Personally I absolutely would have ... I cannot bear to see or hear someone being picked on like you were so possibly I think this also says something about the others too.

I'm very sorry for your loss OP Flowers

Bupster · 17/03/2025 07:07

Message all the other members individually to say what happened and that you are withdrawing from the group but didn’t want to just disappear. The ones that reply are friends. That way you’ll know either way, and you’ll be out of that toxic atmosphere.

monsterfish · 17/03/2025 07:07

My stock response to nasty comments like these is 'are you OK?' is there something you want to talk about' and then blank them. Maybe just archive the group for now and return at a later date.

The woman sounds like a snob. pity no one else stood up to her.

BatFeminist · 17/03/2025 07:18

Megabitch.

there is a weird subset of people who are especially cruel to those who have been through something like a traumatic bereavement. It’s like they can’t stand you being treated with kid gloves or they fear somehow it’s catching.

I think this will play on your mind because you chose not to challenge her, probably as you are a nice person who just wanted her to shut the fuck up and you didn’t want to make things awkward for all.

do nothing with this women again. Perhaps you can consider attending stuff where she won’t be. Sorry you were treated this way and it’s absolutely not your fault.

helpfulperson · 17/03/2025 07:24

My default response to comments like this is 'what a strange thing to say'.

Are there any of the group you are particularly close to that you could say 'x was a bit snippy this weekend' and test the water. I suspect you will find others also found her annoying.

RedCatBlueCatYellowCat · 17/03/2025 07:29

If you enjoy the rest of their company, don't give that up just because she is being a superior bitch. Talk with the one who you get on with best and ask if they know (or noticed) what was going on.

SemmaLina · 17/03/2025 07:36

If you enjoy the company of the rest of the group , don’t let one rude person ruin it for you
As others have said ,chat with some of the others , see if they noticed ( someone will have )
Keep going to the next meet up , and have some of the suggested replies ready if she’s behaving the same way
Or say “ see , she’s being rude to me again “ to the one you’ve chatted to and is aware of the situation

Iknowaboutpopular · 17/03/2025 07:37

God she sounds like a cunt. I'm not surprised you're out of sorts about it. The first comment was enough for me to have said something, but if she'd carried on like that, I'd have hit the roof!
I can't bear a bully.

Archive the group chat and leave it alone but I do think maybe you should take some of the others in the group into your confidence separately and say something about what happened, see if they noticed that 'Sharon' was being a dickhead.
If they are your friends, they'll be supportive.

I really am so sorry for your loss and hope that you have support from the other people in your life ❤

ghostyslovesheets · 17/03/2025 07:41

Did she bring her teen with her then? I’d have pointed that out!

justkeepswimingswiming · 17/03/2025 07:42

Message the other women and explain why your withdrawing from the group. They probably don’t like her either and are waiting for one of you to speak up against her.

JustWalkingTheDogs · 17/03/2025 07:46

I wouldn’t walk away, especially if you e got some good friendships within the group. Next time you need to stand up for yourself. I fully understand if you weren’t able to this time around due to external factors. It yes, challenge her next time. Have a few stick phrases to hand. One use is just to say the word ‘rude’ with raised eyebrows and laugh

Madre123 · 17/03/2025 07:46

Walk away from the group. Best decision I ever made.

Askingabouttreesy67 · 17/03/2025 07:49

Actually when I think about it, one of the group did have a small argument with her as she thinks being really strict with children will solve most issues. This lady has an autistic child (and is really highly qualified in this field) and said it wasn't as simple as that and she couldn't really comment unless she'd parented a child with SEN.

I think the idea of reaching out to the ones I do really like and giving a brief explanation is a good one.

OP posts:
VanillaVein · 17/03/2025 07:52

There's no need to give up on the whole group just because of one knobhead. Don't give her the satisfaction that she's driven you away. Just stop engaging with her. She's a stuck up, oxygen thief who loves the sound of her own voice. If you do have to reply just keep it short & straight and move swiftly on.

I too am sorry for your loss. 🙏🏼

SwerveCity · 17/03/2025 07:52

Walk away. But please tell her she’s a twat first.

itbemay1 · 17/03/2025 07:54

You need to challenge her op. Don’t let her get away with this!

Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 17/03/2025 07:57

I think you need to say something at the time of the comment to be honest.

It sounds like she’s part of a group so you can’t really avoid her?

VaddaABeetch · 17/03/2025 07:58

I wouldn’t walk away either. I’d avoid her & if you must be near her when she makes her smart comments i would repeat them back to her quizzically with a smile or have a stock phrase like so you say.

The others have noticed but nobody is willing to take her on.

Ignore the wagon, she’s not worthy of your attention.

Pickledpeanuts · 17/03/2025 08:05

I'd ask the person you have a separate friendship if she picked up on it and knew what the issue was. That would determine my next steps

cheezncrackers · 17/03/2025 08:10

I don't see why you should be the one to walk away. She was the one being horrible and picking on you. I wouldn't want to see her again, but I would definitely explain that to the others who you do like, otherwise they're going to think that you don't like and are rejecting them, which isn't the case.