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Original poster

One of a group of friends spent weekend away being awful to me

177 replies

Askingabouttreesy67 · 17/03/2025 06:54

Went on a group weekend away with a group I'd known for years.
I've recently suffered a really traumatic bereavement so just needed to have a nice time.

One person in the group just made some awful comments to me throughout the weekend. We were hiking and saw a large toddler being carried and I commented it must be tough on that parent and hard to enjoy the activity. She said well your answer to everything is to leave the kids at home isn't it, you'll do anything to be apart from them.

I have no idea where she got this idea. I did say that our older teenager may not come on our next holiday with us but that's his choice. I said he mostly does his own thing but he's always included in our family life if he wants to be. Surely that's normal as kids get older?

I said my perfect day out is a walk around a National Trust property and she said well you won't want to do that anymore when your kids grow up. Even tiny little harmless things I said like that she turned against me.

She just wants to come across as so perfect saying she still does everything with her teenagers which just isn't realistic. No one else in the group seems irritated by her but I couldn't even look at her by the second day as she was so vile to me. Everything I said she would twist my words and paint me in a negative light.

I said we were taking the kids to Florida and she rolled her eyes and said she looked down upon people who enjoy those sort of holidays.

We drove past the place where my family have a holiday home and I said to another woman who I have a lovely mutual friend with that we should go sometime, the three of us. She was straight on this and said how could I be talking about going away with just one member of the group and how rude I was. I had previously offered the holiday home for our weekend away and she'd said she'd never stay somewhere like that as it wasn't nice enough for her.

My mum messaged me on the way back offering for me to come for dinner with all the family and she knew how happy and eager I was to get back so she deliberately went out of her way to make sure I was last to be dropped off and even then dropped me half a mile from the house with heavy bags to carry. Everyone else got dropped off at their houses.

There were loads of other comments and digs at me which I just tried to ignore. I have other friends who also can't stand this woman as she acts so superior to everyone and like her life and kids are so perfect.

I have loads of lovely friends who I can spend time with and not come away feeling like they've been negging me the whole time.

I really wish I'd spoken up for myself to be honest. I'm not sure if anyone else noticed how awful she was being as she always put it in a jokey way but it was really hurtful.

Is it worth saying something to her or just withdraw from the group? There's one member (who I was on about the holiday home with) who I have a separate friendship with anyway but the rest I'd probably lose touch with.

OP posts:
ArtTheClown · 17/03/2025 13:52

As someone who has also recently had a shock bereavement, I'm furious for you. Generally I'm non-confrontational and just pull away from anyone who is unpleasant to me, but in this case I'd really want to state clearly on the group chat how badly she has behaved and how disgusted you are given what you're going through. She's an absolute bitch.

namechangeGOT · 17/03/2025 13:56

I’ll never understand why more people don’t tell folks like this to fuck off. I mean actually look at her, laugh and say ‘fuck off’.

Arran2024 · 17/03/2025 13:58

I think it's interesting that you had a recent bereavement. In my experience a certain kind of woman can pick up vulnerability in another and exploit it, and until it has happened to you, you just wouldn't believe it was possible.

Hugs x

AnonymousBleep · 17/03/2025 13:59

Is she usually the centre of attention so was jealous that your recent bereavement put you in the spotlight instead? I'd guess it was something like that anyway.

I'm sorry for your loss OP. If it was me, I'd have said something to her face, but I'd probably just tell the friends from the group you're close to what a cow she was, and then ignore her.

Millymoonshine · 17/03/2025 13:59

@Askingabouttreesy67 in future whenever a person says something rude to you ask them to repeat it.
’Sorry, what did you say?
It makes them think about what they said. Then ask
’Why do you think that?
or
’Did you mean to sound rude?’

MyDeftDuck · 17/03/2025 14:15

This
And in your position I might consider telling them exactly why.

Pancakeorcrepe · 17/03/2025 14:25

Gosh she sounds horrendous! What is wrong with her.
I'm sorry OP that she ruined what was meant to be a nice and relaxing weekend.

anterenea · 17/03/2025 14:35

I'd have slapped her in the face but then I am impulsive!

Miaowzabella · 17/03/2025 14:50

Hwi · 17/03/2025 09:40

What is this need to do group activities? Why?

It's called having a social life. It's not compulsory, but most people enjoy it now and then.

Mellowautumnmists · 17/03/2025 14:52

People can be vile can't they. I agree with others who've mentioned bereavement.

I was in a WhatsApp group with school friends. I was also widowed some years ago. The only "single" member of the group.

We had a meet up a few years ago.

After dinner we were having a pleasant conversation about various members of the royal family. I mentioned that I thought one couple were lovely - despite their life of extreme privilege they remained down to earth and "normal". One so called friend leaned right over the person sitting next to me, jabbed me in the thigh, and said, "you can talk, your children have had a life of extreme privilege too!" She had the grace to apologise when I denied that to be the case and asked what she meant. Soured the evening though.

On a subsequent meet up same so called friend went all around the table at dinner asking if they all had joint bank accounts. She by passed me but came back to me at the end, asking, "Mellow, did you have a joint back account with X before he died?".

On the walk home to the Air BnB she came up to me, linking arms, drunkenly proclaiming that "just because X had died I wasn't to think that they couldn't talk about their husbands...." She said that several times. No one else said anything. So as not to cause a scene I laughed it off saying she was drunk and I wasn't listening anymore. She did pipe down. Again the evening was soured for me.

After the trip I noticed that she'd deleted and blocked me on Facebook. However, she did think that she could still communicate with me via WhatsApp generally and within the group chat 🤔

She ignored my message within the group about whether she'd deleted her Facebook account as I could no longer see her profile. She read it though.

I hung around in that group for far too long afterwards, like others have said on here I thought I wasn't going to let her stop me bring friendly with others.

I finally saw red when she posted asking for charitable donations for something she was doing in aid of a charity that supported families bereaved by cancer (as I was). The cognitive dissonance (is that the right phrase?) displayed there was off the scale to me and I left. She hasn't exactly been supportive to my little family who's been bereaved by cancer.

I said I was leaving for personal reasons but was happy to stay in touch with those who wanted. Only one has reached out to me to ask why etc and it wasn't the bully.

Original poster
Askingabouttreesy67 · 17/03/2025 18:04

I messaged one of the group. Not asking for advice but just letting them know how hurt I was and that I'd be withdrawing from the group. She asked me to speak to bitch about it as she said she was sure she'd be upset about losing me but I declined. I reiterated that I wanted to stay in touch with her.

I feel free. I don't need to put up with digs or underhand comments anymore!! I can just be with people who actually like me and make me feel good about myself. Maybe this is one benefit of grief.

OP posts:
Sidewinderer · 17/03/2025 18:08

Askingabouttreesy67 · 17/03/2025 18:04

I messaged one of the group. Not asking for advice but just letting them know how hurt I was and that I'd be withdrawing from the group. She asked me to speak to bitch about it as she said she was sure she'd be upset about losing me but I declined. I reiterated that I wanted to stay in touch with her.

I feel free. I don't need to put up with digs or underhand comments anymore!! I can just be with people who actually like me and make me feel good about myself. Maybe this is one benefit of grief.

Good for you OP. And I’m glad you gave a reason to someone. I think other people will end up leaving aswell.

ClairDeLaLune · 17/03/2025 18:33

Why should you be the one to leave the group? She’s a cunt and she should be the one to leave. Start challenging her, every single time. Preferably in earshot of the others. She sounds like she’s jealous of you and is trying to do you down. Talk to the friends you’re closest to and see if they’ve noticed it too.

Waterlilysunset · 17/03/2025 18:37

Sounds like that jellyfish friend in Bridget Jones that gives you loads of little stings. What a bitch

Serpentstooth · 17/03/2025 18:52

Why on earth would you give this creature more of your time than it takes to say 'goodbye'? Stop it OP. Don't spend time in her company and, if unavoidable, don't pay her any attention at all.

FairFuming · 17/03/2025 18:59

Life's definitely too short to put up with this behaviour. I think you've made the right decision

Mellowautumnmists · 18/03/2025 10:31

@Askingabouttreesy67 **

I feel free. I don't need to put up with digs or underhand comments anymore!!

That is so good to read, and I'm glad you've nipped it in the bud. I wish I'd acted sooner myself.

I'm sorry for your loss 💐

Fluffyholeysocks · 18/03/2025 10:57

I'm a bit of a coward so rather than address the issue with the nasty friend, I don't say anything at the time. Next time the group arranges to meet, I'll wait until nasty friend replies as to whether they can make it or not. If they can, straight after their response I will say sadly I can't make it. No excuses, no reasons, just no I can't make it. I've had people ask me privately why, so I just give a 'I didn't really enjoy the last meet'. Without exception, all your other friends will have noticed what a nasty person she was, but you aren't making a fuss, you're just not going to come. That way, you take the moral high ground. If your friends are real friends they will take your side and do everything to include you.

HavanaMoon · 18/03/2025 14:23

Fluffyholeysocks · 18/03/2025 10:57

I'm a bit of a coward so rather than address the issue with the nasty friend, I don't say anything at the time. Next time the group arranges to meet, I'll wait until nasty friend replies as to whether they can make it or not. If they can, straight after their response I will say sadly I can't make it. No excuses, no reasons, just no I can't make it. I've had people ask me privately why, so I just give a 'I didn't really enjoy the last meet'. Without exception, all your other friends will have noticed what a nasty person she was, but you aren't making a fuss, you're just not going to come. That way, you take the moral high ground. If your friends are real friends they will take your side and do everything to include you.

What a lovely response!

ByGoldMember · 18/03/2025 15:14

Some good advice given and a very good decision that OP made. Life is too short to have people like her in the group.

MyTwinklyPanda · 18/03/2025 15:20

Walk away from her, not the group. Go quiet for a while to the point of others asking how/wherr you are, then suggest a weekend away, but without her. She sounds troubled.

Wesel85 · 18/03/2025 15:28

Im sorry this happen to you OP as clearly this lady has some insecurities and have taken it out on you.
I must say though messaging others/ leaving WhatsApp chat sounds like something a child would do because their not happy just be honest.

The group harmony is not your concern there is a polite way to call someone out of their nasty bahviour/attitudes dont allow yourself to be trampled on......this lady choose her behaviour so you act accordingly to stand up for your self.

Denisee · 18/03/2025 15:29

I am agree, walk away from the group and the people interested in your friendship will contact you separately and you can say the truth how mean was that woman without reason, you don't need nasty people around you . Don't be afraid from anyone.

Cdu · 18/03/2025 15:44

RedCatBlueCatYellowCat · 17/03/2025 07:29

If you enjoy the rest of their company, don't give that up just because she is being a superior bitch. Talk with the one who you get on with best and ask if they know (or noticed) what was going on.

I agree with this. Dont withdraw. Sound the nicest one out to see if she knows what was going on. It might be quite revealing and possibly everyone got treated to some of this behaviours. Maybe they will all want to withdraw from the snob as a collective that still includes you

Mush62 · 18/03/2025 16:39

Askingabouttreesy67 · 17/03/2025 06:54

Went on a group weekend away with a group I'd known for years.
I've recently suffered a really traumatic bereavement so just needed to have a nice time.

One person in the group just made some awful comments to me throughout the weekend. We were hiking and saw a large toddler being carried and I commented it must be tough on that parent and hard to enjoy the activity. She said well your answer to everything is to leave the kids at home isn't it, you'll do anything to be apart from them.

I have no idea where she got this idea. I did say that our older teenager may not come on our next holiday with us but that's his choice. I said he mostly does his own thing but he's always included in our family life if he wants to be. Surely that's normal as kids get older?

I said my perfect day out is a walk around a National Trust property and she said well you won't want to do that anymore when your kids grow up. Even tiny little harmless things I said like that she turned against me.

She just wants to come across as so perfect saying she still does everything with her teenagers which just isn't realistic. No one else in the group seems irritated by her but I couldn't even look at her by the second day as she was so vile to me. Everything I said she would twist my words and paint me in a negative light.

I said we were taking the kids to Florida and she rolled her eyes and said she looked down upon people who enjoy those sort of holidays.

We drove past the place where my family have a holiday home and I said to another woman who I have a lovely mutual friend with that we should go sometime, the three of us. She was straight on this and said how could I be talking about going away with just one member of the group and how rude I was. I had previously offered the holiday home for our weekend away and she'd said she'd never stay somewhere like that as it wasn't nice enough for her.

My mum messaged me on the way back offering for me to come for dinner with all the family and she knew how happy and eager I was to get back so she deliberately went out of her way to make sure I was last to be dropped off and even then dropped me half a mile from the house with heavy bags to carry. Everyone else got dropped off at their houses.

There were loads of other comments and digs at me which I just tried to ignore. I have other friends who also can't stand this woman as she acts so superior to everyone and like her life and kids are so perfect.

I have loads of lovely friends who I can spend time with and not come away feeling like they've been negging me the whole time.

I really wish I'd spoken up for myself to be honest. I'm not sure if anyone else noticed how awful she was being as she always put it in a jokey way but it was really hurtful.

Is it worth saying something to her or just withdraw from the group? There's one member (who I was on about the holiday home with) who I have a separate friendship with anyway but the rest I'd probably lose touch with.

I'd go round and smack her in the mouth and see if she has a smart mouth then!