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Original poster

One of a group of friends spent weekend away being awful to me

177 replies

Askingabouttreesy67 · 17/03/2025 06:54

Went on a group weekend away with a group I'd known for years.
I've recently suffered a really traumatic bereavement so just needed to have a nice time.

One person in the group just made some awful comments to me throughout the weekend. We were hiking and saw a large toddler being carried and I commented it must be tough on that parent and hard to enjoy the activity. She said well your answer to everything is to leave the kids at home isn't it, you'll do anything to be apart from them.

I have no idea where she got this idea. I did say that our older teenager may not come on our next holiday with us but that's his choice. I said he mostly does his own thing but he's always included in our family life if he wants to be. Surely that's normal as kids get older?

I said my perfect day out is a walk around a National Trust property and she said well you won't want to do that anymore when your kids grow up. Even tiny little harmless things I said like that she turned against me.

She just wants to come across as so perfect saying she still does everything with her teenagers which just isn't realistic. No one else in the group seems irritated by her but I couldn't even look at her by the second day as she was so vile to me. Everything I said she would twist my words and paint me in a negative light.

I said we were taking the kids to Florida and she rolled her eyes and said she looked down upon people who enjoy those sort of holidays.

We drove past the place where my family have a holiday home and I said to another woman who I have a lovely mutual friend with that we should go sometime, the three of us. She was straight on this and said how could I be talking about going away with just one member of the group and how rude I was. I had previously offered the holiday home for our weekend away and she'd said she'd never stay somewhere like that as it wasn't nice enough for her.

My mum messaged me on the way back offering for me to come for dinner with all the family and she knew how happy and eager I was to get back so she deliberately went out of her way to make sure I was last to be dropped off and even then dropped me half a mile from the house with heavy bags to carry. Everyone else got dropped off at their houses.

There were loads of other comments and digs at me which I just tried to ignore. I have other friends who also can't stand this woman as she acts so superior to everyone and like her life and kids are so perfect.

I have loads of lovely friends who I can spend time with and not come away feeling like they've been negging me the whole time.

I really wish I'd spoken up for myself to be honest. I'm not sure if anyone else noticed how awful she was being as she always put it in a jokey way but it was really hurtful.

Is it worth saying something to her or just withdraw from the group? There's one member (who I was on about the holiday home with) who I have a separate friendship with anyway but the rest I'd probably lose touch with.

OP posts:
Wooky073 · 18/03/2025 18:45

To add another perspective - the behaviour may be a strategy as she wants you to withdraw from the group. I would speak to the others and gain their view before deciding.

Dogsbreath7 · 18/03/2025 19:04

Keep going and either make sure yiu have separation or challenge her next time

OldScribbler · 18/03/2025 19:06

Askingabouttreesy67 · 17/03/2025 06:54

Went on a group weekend away with a group I'd known for years.
I've recently suffered a really traumatic bereavement so just needed to have a nice time.

One person in the group just made some awful comments to me throughout the weekend. We were hiking and saw a large toddler being carried and I commented it must be tough on that parent and hard to enjoy the activity. She said well your answer to everything is to leave the kids at home isn't it, you'll do anything to be apart from them.

I have no idea where she got this idea. I did say that our older teenager may not come on our next holiday with us but that's his choice. I said he mostly does his own thing but he's always included in our family life if he wants to be. Surely that's normal as kids get older?

I said my perfect day out is a walk around a National Trust property and she said well you won't want to do that anymore when your kids grow up. Even tiny little harmless things I said like that she turned against me.

She just wants to come across as so perfect saying she still does everything with her teenagers which just isn't realistic. No one else in the group seems irritated by her but I couldn't even look at her by the second day as she was so vile to me. Everything I said she would twist my words and paint me in a negative light.

I said we were taking the kids to Florida and she rolled her eyes and said she looked down upon people who enjoy those sort of holidays.

We drove past the place where my family have a holiday home and I said to another woman who I have a lovely mutual friend with that we should go sometime, the three of us. She was straight on this and said how could I be talking about going away with just one member of the group and how rude I was. I had previously offered the holiday home for our weekend away and she'd said she'd never stay somewhere like that as it wasn't nice enough for her.

My mum messaged me on the way back offering for me to come for dinner with all the family and she knew how happy and eager I was to get back so she deliberately went out of her way to make sure I was last to be dropped off and even then dropped me half a mile from the house with heavy bags to carry. Everyone else got dropped off at their houses.

There were loads of other comments and digs at me which I just tried to ignore. I have other friends who also can't stand this woman as she acts so superior to everyone and like her life and kids are so perfect.

I have loads of lovely friends who I can spend time with and not come away feeling like they've been negging me the whole time.

I really wish I'd spoken up for myself to be honest. I'm not sure if anyone else noticed how awful she was being as she always put it in a jokey way but it was really hurtful.

Is it worth saying something to her or just withdraw from the group? There's one member (who I was on about the holiday home with) who I have a separate friendship with anyway but the rest I'd probably lose touch with.

With friends like that who needs enemies?

Nikki75 · 18/03/2025 19:07

Keep your other friends in the group..but speak to her privately saying how her behaviour towards you was out of order.
Don't let her get away with it.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 18/03/2025 19:13

Askingabouttreesy67 · 17/03/2025 07:00

Should I leave the group chat or just archive it? There are a couple of them that I also really like. I might just tell them if they ask but not offer the reason otherwise.

Don’t leave it. Maybe mute it for a month.

Honestly though I think you just need to give less shits and call her out more.

next snarky comment from her:
Eye roll and loud sigh- “Are you going to be making rude comments the whole day again Sandra? It wasn’t really funny last time. Anyway….” And change the subject. Every time.

Liguria · 18/03/2025 19:14

VanillaVein · 17/03/2025 07:52

There's no need to give up on the whole group just because of one knobhead. Don't give her the satisfaction that she's driven you away. Just stop engaging with her. She's a stuck up, oxygen thief who loves the sound of her own voice. If you do have to reply just keep it short & straight and move swiftly on.

I too am sorry for your loss. 🙏🏼

I agree. This person is looking for a reaction and the best response is carry on as usual.

Sorry for your loss, OP.

KIlliePieMyOhMy · 18/03/2025 19:18

Pop a Scooby Doo in a box and send it to the b*tch.

fetchacloth · 18/03/2025 19:21

monsterfish · 17/03/2025 07:07

My stock response to nasty comments like these is 'are you OK?' is there something you want to talk about' and then blank them. Maybe just archive the group for now and return at a later date.

The woman sounds like a snob. pity no one else stood up to her.

I would react the same way. In fact in this instance I would have put her back in her box and ignored her.
Life's too short for dealing with negative people.

asrl78 · 18/03/2025 19:21

Given you have been in the group for some time, was this a one-off incident or does it happen with the same woman every time you are together?

If the first, it could be she was having a bad day and needed to offload anger on someone and you were the chosen target, not that this in any way justifies her behaviour, and I would be inclined to carry on with the group socialising. If the second, she could have narcissic personality disorder and you should get the hell out as she will destroy you emotionally.

asrl78 · 18/03/2025 19:24

namechangeGOT · 17/03/2025 13:56

I’ll never understand why more people don’t tell folks like this to fuck off. I mean actually look at her, laugh and say ‘fuck off’.

This. I wish it was permitted for people like that to be punched hard in the face to teach them that unpleasant actions have unpleasant consequences, but we live in a civilised society so we can't go around doing things like that. The reason we have so many twats in society is because they can get away with it without comeback, because there is frequently no way to apply a comeback and they know it.

Fountains · 18/03/2025 19:34

asrl78 · 18/03/2025 19:24

This. I wish it was permitted for people like that to be punched hard in the face to teach them that unpleasant actions have unpleasant consequences, but we live in a civilised society so we can't go around doing things like that. The reason we have so many twats in society is because they can get away with it without comeback, because there is frequently no way to apply a comeback and they know it.

Show quote history

But it’s perfectly possible to respond assertively and draw attention to someone else’s poor behaviour without anyone needing to be ‘punched hard in the face”. The OP chose not to on this occasion, and sounds as if she had her own reasons to do with a bereavement for not responding, but there’s nothing preventing her tackling this person head-on in future. It’s not a situation where she’s under threat, as she would be standing up to an aggressive man on a deserted upper deck of a bus.

Arran2024 · 18/03/2025 19:35

Slightly different but I was in a book club, I actually set it up when my girls were small and I didn't actually know the other women I invited that well. One woman clearly wanted to be the alpha and was so incredibky passive aggressive to me - the other women all flocked to her, agreeing with everything she said, complimenting her... the dynamics were unbelievable.

I think you have to be careful in a bunch of women. They often take the easiest option, aligning themselves with the most powerful figures. After all, they don't want them to turn on them!

asrl78 · 18/03/2025 19:42

Fountains · 18/03/2025 19:34

But it’s perfectly possible to respond assertively and draw attention to someone else’s poor behaviour without anyone needing to be ‘punched hard in the face”. The OP chose not to on this occasion, and sounds as if she had her own reasons to do with a bereavement for not responding, but there’s nothing preventing her tackling this person head-on in future. It’s not a situation where she’s under threat, as she would be standing up to an aggressive man on a deserted upper deck of a bus.

Show quote history

You can, but they can just laugh in your face and belittle you all the more. Some people are just scum with a fake outer layer of civility and I have no problem with scum getting painful consequences for nasty actions. I would not resort to violence myself because that in itself comes with consequences (and two wrongs don't make a right), but if I hear of someone being nasty and getting thumped for it, I would side with the retaliation, not the provocation. When consequences become detached from actions and authorities cannot be relied on for regulation, civility itself is in great danger of collapse.

littlemisspigg · 18/03/2025 19:48

Askingabouttreesy67 · 17/03/2025 06:54

Went on a group weekend away with a group I'd known for years.
I've recently suffered a really traumatic bereavement so just needed to have a nice time.

One person in the group just made some awful comments to me throughout the weekend. We were hiking and saw a large toddler being carried and I commented it must be tough on that parent and hard to enjoy the activity. She said well your answer to everything is to leave the kids at home isn't it, you'll do anything to be apart from them.

I have no idea where she got this idea. I did say that our older teenager may not come on our next holiday with us but that's his choice. I said he mostly does his own thing but he's always included in our family life if he wants to be. Surely that's normal as kids get older?

I said my perfect day out is a walk around a National Trust property and she said well you won't want to do that anymore when your kids grow up. Even tiny little harmless things I said like that she turned against me.

She just wants to come across as so perfect saying she still does everything with her teenagers which just isn't realistic. No one else in the group seems irritated by her but I couldn't even look at her by the second day as she was so vile to me. Everything I said she would twist my words and paint me in a negative light.

I said we were taking the kids to Florida and she rolled her eyes and said she looked down upon people who enjoy those sort of holidays.

We drove past the place where my family have a holiday home and I said to another woman who I have a lovely mutual friend with that we should go sometime, the three of us. She was straight on this and said how could I be talking about going away with just one member of the group and how rude I was. I had previously offered the holiday home for our weekend away and she'd said she'd never stay somewhere like that as it wasn't nice enough for her.

My mum messaged me on the way back offering for me to come for dinner with all the family and she knew how happy and eager I was to get back so she deliberately went out of her way to make sure I was last to be dropped off and even then dropped me half a mile from the house with heavy bags to carry. Everyone else got dropped off at their houses.

There were loads of other comments and digs at me which I just tried to ignore. I have other friends who also can't stand this woman as she acts so superior to everyone and like her life and kids are so perfect.

I have loads of lovely friends who I can spend time with and not come away feeling like they've been negging me the whole time.

I really wish I'd spoken up for myself to be honest. I'm not sure if anyone else noticed how awful she was being as she always put it in a jokey way but it was really hurtful.

Is it worth saying something to her or just withdraw from the group? There's one member (who I was on about the holiday home with) who I have a separate friendship with anyway but the rest I'd probably lose touch with.

I think she's jealous of you.
Trying to undermine you and pull you down at every opportunity.
Passive aggressive
I'd stay with the group if you like the rest of them...just enjoy her jealousy, now that you understand it.
To Understand All Is To Forgive All.
And you will no longer be triggered by it, but will find peace within you, while she continues to tie herself in knots trying to make you upset.
Also don't share your life with her, she'll only try and sabotage it.

Horses7 · 18/03/2025 20:07

I’d give the group one last shot but this time call her out every time - EVERY TIME.
Ask her to explain further a comment/put down, look genuinely perplexed and ask again for further clarification then say how hurtful that is now you understand. Do it every time, have fun with it she’ll soon get fed up and leave you alone.
I did this with a bully in my group and now she leaves me alone and often actually tries to be pally …. I still don’t trust her an inch 🤣

Fountains · 18/03/2025 20:12

asrl78 · 18/03/2025 19:42

You can, but they can just laugh in your face and belittle you all the more. Some people are just scum with a fake outer layer of civility and I have no problem with scum getting painful consequences for nasty actions. I would not resort to violence myself because that in itself comes with consequences (and two wrongs don't make a right), but if I hear of someone being nasty and getting thumped for it, I would side with the retaliation, not the provocation. When consequences become detached from actions and authorities cannot be relied on for regulation, civility itself is in great danger of collapse.

Show quote history

Respectfully, I think you’re projecting here. The OP was dealing with snide remarks on a weekend away, not anything involving the ‘collapse of civility’

Yerdawasasausagemaker · 18/03/2025 20:36

I wouldn’t do a big dramatic I’m leaving the group type post, it’s far better to archive it as they’ll not be able to accuse you of flouncing or gaslighting you about what happened.

sorry it happened to you, sounds shit but I’d be wary of the others now too as they didn’t stick up for you. Focus on the friends who bring positivity to your life.

Original poster
Askingabouttreesy67 · 18/03/2025 20:38

I've ended up with the best scenario to be honest. I'll keep in touch with the couple I really like and never need to see her again.

I literally don't have the energy to have a fight with her and call her out. She's been like this towards me for years. A few people who've met her before have told me she's an insufferable snob so it's not just me.

I'll be fine honestly. I have a nice life and I've been through a horrific bereavement, this seems insignificant compared to that.

OP posts:
MyTwinklyPanda · 18/03/2025 20:41

At least you'll be ready for her if and when she pokes her nose in again.

Mush62 · 18/03/2025 20:45

Askingabouttreesy67 · 18/03/2025 20:38

I've ended up with the best scenario to be honest. I'll keep in touch with the couple I really like and never need to see her again.

I literally don't have the energy to have a fight with her and call her out. She's been like this towards me for years. A few people who've met her before have told me she's an insufferable snob so it's not just me.

I'll be fine honestly. I have a nice life and I've been through a horrific bereavement, this seems insignificant compared to that.

Fair play to you OP, if I was in your shoes I would have given her a smack just to belittle her as she did you, good luck 👍

DisabledDemon · 18/03/2025 21:29

What a dreadful person! Don't give up your other friends - why should you? I'd actually go so far as to contact her and tell her that due to her nasty behaviour you no longer wish to have any contact with her - she deserves a shock! And copy in your group.

BooneyBeautiful · 18/03/2025 23:14

If she is being this nasty, it sounds like she is really unhappy with her own life, so feels she has to pick on someone and put them down. It's a particularly horrible thing to do when someone is going through a bereavement. You could say something to that effect which might stop her in her tracks.

Girlsjustwannahavefunno1 · 18/03/2025 23:37

Good responses in this situation to call it out for next time is ,
"Thanks!" Said really loudly and in an offended /angry tone & then promptly walking off from the person amd probably direct eye contact.
'Why are you being so rude to me? I haven't been rude to you, please do me the same courtesy?"
"The way you are speaking to me is unacceptable, please stop it."
Braver :
"Why what's it to you?"
"Tell me x y z WHO asked you anyway?!" (I usually make a joke of it to soften the blow)
"What's the problem ...crappyfriendnamehere as everything I've said you have been negative about ..is the fact that I'm grieving offend you somehow?"
....

Girlsjustwannahavefunno1 · 18/03/2025 23:41

Or asked them to repeat what they said ...it gives them a chance to rephrase & think about what they said without too much embarrassment.
However, she is lucky she has any friends the way she acted towards you & totally uncalled for.

Lotsofsnacks · 19/03/2025 05:05

Askingabouttreesy67 · 17/03/2025 06:54

Went on a group weekend away with a group I'd known for years.
I've recently suffered a really traumatic bereavement so just needed to have a nice time.

One person in the group just made some awful comments to me throughout the weekend. We were hiking and saw a large toddler being carried and I commented it must be tough on that parent and hard to enjoy the activity. She said well your answer to everything is to leave the kids at home isn't it, you'll do anything to be apart from them.

I have no idea where she got this idea. I did say that our older teenager may not come on our next holiday with us but that's his choice. I said he mostly does his own thing but he's always included in our family life if he wants to be. Surely that's normal as kids get older?

I said my perfect day out is a walk around a National Trust property and she said well you won't want to do that anymore when your kids grow up. Even tiny little harmless things I said like that she turned against me.

She just wants to come across as so perfect saying she still does everything with her teenagers which just isn't realistic. No one else in the group seems irritated by her but I couldn't even look at her by the second day as she was so vile to me. Everything I said she would twist my words and paint me in a negative light.

I said we were taking the kids to Florida and she rolled her eyes and said she looked down upon people who enjoy those sort of holidays.

We drove past the place where my family have a holiday home and I said to another woman who I have a lovely mutual friend with that we should go sometime, the three of us. She was straight on this and said how could I be talking about going away with just one member of the group and how rude I was. I had previously offered the holiday home for our weekend away and she'd said she'd never stay somewhere like that as it wasn't nice enough for her.

My mum messaged me on the way back offering for me to come for dinner with all the family and she knew how happy and eager I was to get back so she deliberately went out of her way to make sure I was last to be dropped off and even then dropped me half a mile from the house with heavy bags to carry. Everyone else got dropped off at their houses.

There were loads of other comments and digs at me which I just tried to ignore. I have other friends who also can't stand this woman as she acts so superior to everyone and like her life and kids are so perfect.

I have loads of lovely friends who I can spend time with and not come away feeling like they've been negging me the whole time.

I really wish I'd spoken up for myself to be honest. I'm not sure if anyone else noticed how awful she was being as she always put it in a jokey way but it was really hurtful.

Is it worth saying something to her or just withdraw from the group? There's one member (who I was on about the holiday home with) who I have a separate friendship with anyway but the rest I'd probably lose touch with.

what a nasty piece of work she is!! She’s jealous of you. Though I couldn’t have bitten my tongue if someone was that plainly rude to me all weekend! And you sound lovely. She needs calling out on this behaviour, every time, say to her e.g. did you mean to say that? Or ‘What a strange thing to say’ etc. did you not say anything back to her when she was so rude? What did u say when she tried to drop you off half mile from your house (and the others were dropped at doorstep)? The others may not dare speak up either, and I’m sure if you leave the group, she will be picking on one of them on their next trip instead