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Original poster

One of a group of friends spent weekend away being awful to me

177 replies

Askingabouttreesy67 · 17/03/2025 06:54

Went on a group weekend away with a group I'd known for years.
I've recently suffered a really traumatic bereavement so just needed to have a nice time.

One person in the group just made some awful comments to me throughout the weekend. We were hiking and saw a large toddler being carried and I commented it must be tough on that parent and hard to enjoy the activity. She said well your answer to everything is to leave the kids at home isn't it, you'll do anything to be apart from them.

I have no idea where she got this idea. I did say that our older teenager may not come on our next holiday with us but that's his choice. I said he mostly does his own thing but he's always included in our family life if he wants to be. Surely that's normal as kids get older?

I said my perfect day out is a walk around a National Trust property and she said well you won't want to do that anymore when your kids grow up. Even tiny little harmless things I said like that she turned against me.

She just wants to come across as so perfect saying she still does everything with her teenagers which just isn't realistic. No one else in the group seems irritated by her but I couldn't even look at her by the second day as she was so vile to me. Everything I said she would twist my words and paint me in a negative light.

I said we were taking the kids to Florida and she rolled her eyes and said she looked down upon people who enjoy those sort of holidays.

We drove past the place where my family have a holiday home and I said to another woman who I have a lovely mutual friend with that we should go sometime, the three of us. She was straight on this and said how could I be talking about going away with just one member of the group and how rude I was. I had previously offered the holiday home for our weekend away and she'd said she'd never stay somewhere like that as it wasn't nice enough for her.

My mum messaged me on the way back offering for me to come for dinner with all the family and she knew how happy and eager I was to get back so she deliberately went out of her way to make sure I was last to be dropped off and even then dropped me half a mile from the house with heavy bags to carry. Everyone else got dropped off at their houses.

There were loads of other comments and digs at me which I just tried to ignore. I have other friends who also can't stand this woman as she acts so superior to everyone and like her life and kids are so perfect.

I have loads of lovely friends who I can spend time with and not come away feeling like they've been negging me the whole time.

I really wish I'd spoken up for myself to be honest. I'm not sure if anyone else noticed how awful she was being as she always put it in a jokey way but it was really hurtful.

Is it worth saying something to her or just withdraw from the group? There's one member (who I was on about the holiday home with) who I have a separate friendship with anyway but the rest I'd probably lose touch with.

OP posts:
CautiousLurker01 · 17/03/2025 08:19

I’d personally leave the group and see who reaches out to ask why, because they will be the ones who like you and care. This particular woman sounds obnoxious and judgmental, but presumably the others all heard and said nothing in your defence either? Not sure passive friendship is much better than being attacked by this woman, so I’d let them step up once you’ve left and then explain your reasons if you decide to pursue separate friendships with them.

OriginalUsername2 · 17/03/2025 08:21

She’s a bit socially inept isn’t she?

Reach out to the mum with the autistic child, I bet she’s livid. You can bond over what a horrible cow she is and make plans without her.

StepawayfromtheLindors · 17/03/2025 08:24

Please leave the group for your mental wellbeing. Someone who puts you down in this way, does it to feel better about themselves. It’s a sign of deep insecurity on her part. You could comfort yourself by thinking of her as a sad lost lonely insecure person as you walk away and agree with yourself from now on only to spend time with people who make you feel positive about yourself. Good luck 💐

PoorLion · 17/03/2025 08:25

Contact the ones you like then leave the WhatsApp. She sounds awful

AuntAgathaGregson · 17/03/2025 08:26

I don't understand why you're thinking of giving up the group for the sake of one person. If you challenge her along the lines suggested here, you'll probably find the others are really pleased that someone is standing up to her and will help.

HomeBodyClub · 17/03/2025 08:28

I would have told her straight.

My teenager would rather be with her friends. It’s normal.

Daisyvodka · 17/03/2025 08:29

I agree, I think reaching out to the others to explain is a good idea.
There is no excuse in the world for her behaviour, she went out of her way to be horrible to you. What a bizarre person.

Schoolchoicesucks · 17/03/2025 08:32

If you enjoy the company of the rest then I don't see why you should have to lose that. Don't set them a test by leaving the group and seeing who contacts you, that is juvenile.

If you have a close friendship with one, then mention to her that you found bitchface's company difficult that weekend and that you will likely minimise contact with her in future.

You should have responded to her at the time - particularly with comments about the holiday house.

Then avoid her. In a group it's possible. You may notice that others avoid her too. If it's a smaller social then don't go when she is there, happily go when she's not. Ignore her on group chats. If you witness her being awful to one of the others, point out her behaviour and check in on the one she is being rude to.

Maybe she's got something going on, maybe she's just a bitch but don't lose other friendships because of her.

sesquipedalian · 17/03/2025 08:53

So of a holiday in Florida, “she rolled her eyes and said she looked down upon people who enjoy those sort of holidays.” That’s the point at which Imwouodmhave put a large distance between her and me. As for dropping you off half a mile from your mother’s - clearly this woman has a problem, and it’s not for,you to be her victim. I’d start by asking the friend you know separately what she thinks, and also the mum with the SEN child - it may well be that they too would rather dispense with her company. She sounds an absolute pill, OP, and you really don’t need to put up with her.

Tiredofallthis101 · 17/03/2025 08:55

I'd have spoken up at the time and said - speaking of being rude, not sure why you have been so rude to me all day?! I'd definitely tell the people you like in thw group, it may be that everyone else is secretly feeling the same and there is a way to phase her out.

TidyDancer · 17/03/2025 08:57

I had a friend like this. Went away in a small group about 12-13 years ago and her behaviour was abhorrent the whole week. Sullen, rude and generally deeply unpleasant to be around the whole time. Tolerated it for the sake of group harmony but the friendship was never the same again between her or anyone else who went because she just ruined it. Went away one on one with her a year later (thinking it might be the group setting that made her uncomfortable) and she behaved really badly again. Have seen her maybe 5 or 6 times in the years that follow, she is now an arms length person who I only see at events we are both independently invited to.

I wouldn’t walk away from a group because of one horrible person, at least not without seeing if they are feeling the same!

FatherFrosty · 17/03/2025 09:02

At the weekend I saw some of DH’s friends. They did somethings I find morally awful and I do judge people who do it

did I say anything. Hell no. For the sake of group harmony I bit my lip. This woman is awful, if she doesn’t agree with the choices you make your diplomatic and say nothing. As you don’t want people to feel awkward. You did that. She showed herself up as an arse. I wouldn’t leave the group, but I’d definitely withdraw from her and cautiously gauge who else might feel like you.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 17/03/2025 09:02

Don't walk away from the entire group, just this one person, but I wouldn't challenge her at all about her behaviour. She will turn it around and say that your bereavement has made you 'over-sensitive' (I'm absolutely not saying that it has, just that this will likely be her tack) and she will try to split the group. Maybe message the others, one on one and tell them what happened and that you're taking a back seat for a while. It's extremely likely, as others have said, that they will tell you privately that this woman has been unbearable to them too. You can make another group excluding Dreadful Woman, and that way you can keep your support network.

HereintheloveofChristIstand · 17/03/2025 09:05

This is really nasty
And as for sticking up for yourself - I get you. Bereavement leaves you vulnerable and it is way harder to do that than it normally is.

2chocolateoranges · 17/03/2025 09:07

Don’t walk away from the group for the sake of one person.

however I would private message her asking if she is ok as she wasn’t her usual self at times on the weekend away and see what she says.

OriginalSkang · 17/03/2025 09:09

I would continue to stay with the group, but just completely blank this woman. If she makes a comment just act as if you haven't heard it, to a point of speaking over her if necessary. Don't accept any lifts from her

flatsevenup · 17/03/2025 09:11

Ask her what does she mean by that! Let her through her own explanation realize how awful she is.

SmugglersHaunt · 17/03/2025 09:17

I wouldn't walk away - I strongly suspect others will think she's a complete horrible cow (especially if they heard what she said to you). They may be afraid of rocking the boat and scared of her, which is a different issue.

Isthiswhatmenthink · 17/03/2025 09:23

SwerveCity · 17/03/2025 07:52

Walk away. But please tell her she’s a twat first.

Yes. Publicly. Make sure everyone reads it/hears it. You’ll be surprised how many people agree but also haven’t spoken up.

Daleksatemyshed · 17/03/2025 09:26

She's a bully Op, she targetted you because you're vunerable and she thought you wouldn't fight back. I'd contact the group, excluding her, and say you're talking some time out due to her deep unpleasantness, with luck they're tired of her too and they'll ask her to leave

Codlingmoths · 17/03/2025 09:27

I wouldn’t give up the group, I’d reply!! Luckily you’re not invited, but did you notice my kids are?
well it would be a bigger invite but someone said the house was too crappy, so over my dead body are they invited <smile>

madaboutpurple · 17/03/2025 09:28

Would you be able to meet up with the others in the group and leave this woman out. She does not seem to be nice at all

PullTheBricksDown · 17/03/2025 09:30

AuntAgathaGregson · 17/03/2025 08:26

I don't understand why you're thinking of giving up the group for the sake of one person. If you challenge her along the lines suggested here, you'll probably find the others are really pleased that someone is standing up to her and will help.

This. She's the problem! Distance yourself from her but don't lose the others.

NewMarmiteJar · 17/03/2025 09:30

I would have asked her if there was any reason for her being so contrary towards everything you were saying. In front of the others. As for dropping you off last and a distance away that’s downright nasty. Don’t leave the group and give her the satisfaction.

madaboutpurple · 17/03/2025 09:33

I had another thought you could invite the other women to stay with you at your holiday home and not invite the nasty woman. You could always say Sorry there is not enough room if she asks.