How can I tell ds he can't come on holiday.

[Youagain2025]

I'm not 100% it will happen. But im trying to sort out a holiday for me my 3 youngest and adult ds. I want adult ds to come so that I have some company.

The reason I don't want my other ds to come is he's hard work he really drains me and in all honesty I Need a break . This would be my first holiday since I was around 15 years old. Also ds has been on holiday with his sister. He's going again in may . Then again next year .

He's coming up 18 . He is able to pay for himself. But that's not what it's about . Obviously I can't tell him that he's hard work etc.

Why oh why did you have six children!?

@brokenwand OP has already said that she doesn’t have any friends. Unfortunately it seems that she’s the primary caregiver and clearly needs respite care. OP did not share all relevant info in the original post so I am assuming a lot of people have missed key information.

@LivelyHare That’s not particularly helpful is it? OP not only has 6 children, she also has grandchildren.

I will order passports . I need one for ID anyway. Not sure about going away i will have a think.

Ffs what a stupid comment and utterly unhelpful to the thread.

Maybe she is a brilliant mother who has done remarkably well and has produced 5 well balanced happy children who will contribute to society. She is unlucky enough to have one with high needs, if she had that one child only, she would still be in the same pickle.

Stop drip feeding, it’s so annoying.

You haven't read the thread at all.

OP, I have changed my.mind. Do as you originally planned and leave DS behind.It's not ideal but you clearly need a break or you wlll break down.

This mum who is a carer to 2 children with additional needs and other children too is almost at breaking point and would benefit from leaving the nearly 18 year old at home with a responsible adult. You perfect parents who have prob never been under extreme pressure trying to deal with the demands of being a carer to a disregulated adolescent can never understand how difficult that is ! Please have a well deserved holiday with your other children and don’t let anyone make you feel you deserve less . Have a lovely holiday x

When i posted the op i did not realise how much more I would have to add. I have answered things best i can . If it was that easy just to get everything on an op. Then all threads would literally have just 1 post from the op. Sometimes situations are not easy to explain in one go .

Ok. You would probably have more people agreeing with you to go on the holiday if you had included everything, is what I am saying.

Can you take just the DD14 away? Could your older son and DD look after the others together in your home?
It's easier to rationalise only one sibling going away to your 17yr old, perhaps suggest her doctor has said she needs a holiday and 1-1 time with you, then it's not so polarising for him to be the only one left behind.

No that would be to much for adult dd to manage.

But if OP had posted the information all in one go people would have been sniping 'I didn't make it to the end of your very long post, OP', etc etc, and would probably have missed relevant information because they didn't read the whole post. Sometimes people really can't win on here when there is a lot of relevant information to impart.

Yes, probably. 😂

But what if your adult DS helped out as well, so your eldest two taking on the younger children together?

Adult ds won't do that. He would book time of for a holiday but not to help dd,ds with all the kids . He has a really stressful job and the combination of them altogether is a bit much .

Don't take adult dc and just take younger ones. As you can then say anyone over 16 has their own holidays

Adult ds will be coming if I go because ds 9 has autism and if he's overwhelmed by stuff he may find them to hard to do which would = ds 8 not doing stuff . If adult ds cones that means ds9 can be looked after when needed and ds 8 doesn't miss out on stuff he wants to do .

It's okay. Don't bother explaining again. A lot of people simply want to argue - but some of us do understand your difficulties @Youagain2025

Thank you 💐

It isn't that complicated.

"DS you've got 2 holidays this year with DD, you're almost an adult, so I'm taking the other kids on a holiday so they don't feel left out."

I guess so . It just felt complicated. I guess it's not really

@Youagain2025 It’s quite clear that you need a break. It’s not clear how your son has managed to go on 50 holidays and why you weren’t able to accompany him. He needs to understand that you need a break as well and that he’s gone on plenty of holidays. But to make everyone feel included, there can be family outings and events so that the holiday is not seen as an exclusionary activity especially seeing as your son has special needs. He might just see it as not going on a holiday with you so he needs to be able to understand why he’s not going and why it’s important for you to get a break.

He's not been in 50 holidays. If i put that somewhere it would have been a mistake. He's been on 1 holiday so far he's going on another in may. Then another next year. Its very hard to explain how ds is . We would definitely do days out etc . To be honest he does quite a bit when dd gos out for family days he tags along to . And when I go out he comes to. And we also go out as a whole group as well. So he sort of does double what the others do.

It does sound like you can trust your dd to take good care of him, and include him in some fun parties etc.