Incident at school

[Namechangeagain225]

I am in need of some advise please as I am really upset and am not sure what i should do. My dd is in y2 and they've sat her next to a child who has special needs. I do not know the full extent of his needs, but I know he has a lot of health issues. He is behind in work apparently, he used to always be sat at the table where children needed more help with learning. Since the last term they stopped grouping children according to how well they perform. They've mixed all the children. I found out from a mum that this boy has dropped his trousers and showed his bits to to my daughter. When I queried this from my daughter she seemed to have been traumatised by this, she started crying and almost shivering , thinking she had done something wrong because she saw his bits. She then told me that he was facing her and he dropped his trousers and was looking down. Both my dd and the dd of this mum who told me about this said the teacher witnessed what happened. The teacher just told him to put his trousers back up. I wasn't informed of this by the teacher , and my dd didn't tell me either, until I asked her tonight. During the parent consultation which took place before half term , I had already asked for my dd to be moved as there was an incident where this boy hurt my dd by grabbing something off her, and it caused a deep cut on her finger. When we returned from half term break , they still hadn't moved my dd or him. For context, my dd doesn't have any siblings so hasn't seen boy bits before. I am really annoyed with the school that they are not taking this as seriously as they probably should be. What should I do? Speak to the headteacher? Email the headteacher? Also, this child disrupts my dds learning. He is constatly copying from her and my dd ends up having to teach him. I feel like the class teacher finds it convenient to keep her sat next to him ,so she can do part of the TAs job. I am really annoyed by this all. I dont want children flashing at my dd. What would you do?

Where did I say it was a rule?
I am basing it on my experience, the experience of friends and quite a few threads I have seen on here about it.
You seem to be taking this very personally, are you a parent of a disruptive child or a teacher who uses this outdated method?

This

‘She could report this to the police’

Of course she could, if she wanted to escalate something about which she doesn’t even have the full details, which would be utterly absurd. We are talking about a 6 year old boy, who may or may not have additional needs, I don’t think there’s any reason for him to be arrested just yet.

No , not at all. I am not a teacher. I just don’t approve of gender stereotyping of young children. Maybe teachers put disruptive children next to quiet ones I don’t actually know but I doubt the children’s sex is taken into account when making such decisions. I don’t see why it would be

I don't approve of gender stereotyping anyone.
I was explaining what I have seen

Hmmm if you say so. You described it as a “behaviour management strategy” while being very specific about the children’s sex .

Her daughter has been hurt and flashed at by this boy. She could report this to the police.

The child is under the age of criminal responsibility, there’s no role for the police here.

Agree it would be ludicrous to report a 6 year old to the police for this.

i think since this girl is clearly upset the school need to do something about what is happening.

Because it happens
It would be lovely to think it doesn't but it does.
Perhaps you need to look up what Strategy and Rule mean as they are quite different?

You do have to stand really firm. Draw a line and don’t back down.

what we did was look up the legal responsibilities of the school and point out where they were failing DC by not stopping the disruptive kid causing chaos and injuries.

Either way you can’t sit quietly and wait for the school to act. Your child will miss huge amounts and potentially be traumatized.

perhaps you need to watch your own language. I don’t think it’s a strategy to put boys specifically beside girls for that reason. That’s stupid . Sorry . Plenty of disruptive girls out there as well.your own experience doesn’t make something a “strategy” perhaps you should look it up yourself

They did this at my school, it was always the girls who had to tolerate the disruption. Disruptive girls were also put next to quiet girls. The boys were not expected to deal with this. This was in the 1970s! I would have hoped things had moved on. Gender stereotyping still happens.

You need to make a report to the school's designated safeguarding lead. There are two issues, your child being physically hurt, and the indecent exposure.

I'm not sure why the first few responses were so unhelpful, OP. I'm not an interventionist parent at all but if my kid was being put next to someone who hurt her and flashed her I would also be insisting that they were moved or she was moved.

I agree with those who've said it's a safeguarding issue, not just for your child but for the other child if they're unable to regulate their behaviour themselves (in an age-appropriate way).

Tell her when you have the conversation that you'll be following up via email and copying in the head & safeguarding lead so that everything is on record ahead of any future action you may take against the school.

Oh look @TheIceBear
Not just my experience then
It is just fact and if you have never had a quiet well behaved girl used as a tool to manage a disruptive boy then count yourself lucky
It would be great to believe it didn't happen and yes in some cases a quiet well behaved boy is used in this way.
I should probably just have said "child", thats the only stupid part of anything I have posted here

Exactly you should have said children and not specified.In my school we had disruptive children of both sexes and they appeared to be seated at random but never together of course. What’s “fact”

How can you make it easier for your child to tell you when things that worry them happen @Namechangeagain225 ? For me that’s the biggest take away from this incident. You seem to have created an environment where a penis is so taboo it cannot be seen or mentioned. That is quite dangerous for a child. If she was hurt at school then it should be logged. I personally would be much more concerned at the scissors than the trousers but I suspect neither is really an issue as there haven’t been repeat incidents. Teachers tend not to put disruptive students side by side because they can make each other worse. If the child has a TA there’s also a space issue if you get too many 1:1s on a table. Why do you think dd needs to move seats to be safe? She hasn’t been hurt again and has been going into school for three weeks without issue.

No. She was shaken by her mums line of questioning.

Well ritzy we don't know either way or it could be both.
Girl still needs to feel heard and supported.

The child is at this point being led. What the boy did is typical age appropriate behaviour. The girl was clearly unaffected until questioned by mom.

She could report it to the police. Who would think she was mad.

I am so sorry to hear this has happened to your little girl. I know someone who works in Child Social services, so I asked their opinion on your problem and this is what they said. This serious safeguarding incident has been handled badly and has not followed the rules on this kind of incident. Both the boy and your daughter should have been referred to the child services team for extra support. Your daughter should not be left feeling like she has done anything wrong. There is also a lot of work they can do with this boy regarding his inappropriate behaviour and anger management.

I suggest asking for a meeting with her teacher and the head to allow them to explain what happened and tell you what they are doing about it. If you are not happy with the outcome of this meeting, make a formal complaint to the board of governors, clearly indicating all the incidents with this boy, how it has affected your daughter, and your expectations moving forward. If you're unhappy with their handling and want to arrange support for your daughter yourself, look for a service called "Front Door" which is the portal you can use to raise this directly with your local authority.

Telling someone to “do their research” is never a good opener.

There is normal sexual behaviour at this age, and there is sexual behaviour that would raise a red flag. As someone who has clearly “done their research” I am sure you also know this.

I’m sure you’re also aware that as neither you or I were present, or know either child involved, so we actually know sweet FA. I was merely raising the fact - perhaps clumsily - that it is the child’s behaviour that needs exploring, not simply moving the OPs daughter elsewhere. There may be a problem, there may not.

But yes. My immediate reaction, like the OP’s, would be immediate concern for my daughter and the other children present, including the boy in question, until I feel satisfied otherwise.

I say this as a well-rounded adult who definitely flashed her bits when she was five!

Some people are overcomplicated the situation the simple fact is the teacher didn’t inform the mother of what happened. The teacher clearly saw what happened because she told the boy to pull his trousers up. You’ve had good advice up threads regarding meeting with the teacher and copying in the head and safeguarding lead to any emails For whatever reason he’s pulling his trousers down. They’re simple things that can be used braces for one.

I am so sorry your daughter is going through this OP, it is a horrible thing.

Yes the boy may have learning difficulties, but your daughter should not suffer...

Something similar happened at my friend's daughter's school - they dismissed her concerns, until she called the police and told them that a boy was exposing himself to other children.

She mentioned the school is not showing any concern and how the boy could have been abused at home to behave like that.

The school promptly took action and the headteacher either sacked the teacher or she resigned, not sure.

Of course, address it with the school first OP, but if they are not willing to help your daughter then don't be afraid to take it further.