What They Don't Tell You About Getting Older?

[LetGoLetThem1234]

...Is that your motivation/desire/enthusiasm for everything and anything may wane.

In my case, the love of exercise and socialising.

During my 20s, 30s and 40s - I rarely went a day with physical activity.

Now, in my early 60s - I can a take it or leave it. Mostly I leave it. Knowing all the benefits of exercise etc makes not a jot of difference.

My enthusiasm for most things - socialising, meals out, travel - my overwhelming attitude is I would rather be at home, I can't be doing with the hassle, faff and effort of it all.

I guess I underestimated the effects of hormones to drive one out and into the company of others.

It was once remarked about me " you never leave someplace without talking to others". I was very social loved being out and about. Definitely I am not like this now.

I know what depression feels like and this is not it. I am actually the happiest I have been in decades.

But this gradual change has given me an understanding of why older people might not do what they ought, purely because they no longer have the drive, for want of a better word, to do it.

I am also on HRT, and have been for years.

Does anyone have the same feelings, noticed similar changes in their motivation (to do things they used to do) as they advance in age?

@Shetlands

"I rarely travel overseas any more as it's often more hassle than it's worth to get there. However, if anyone offered me a taxi straight to the runway and a private jet I'd love that (while feeling guilty about my carbon footprint of course!)."

How that comment resonated with me! I've travelled extensively when a bit younger (mid 60s now) and I gradually got to absolutely HATE the hassle of flying in the past few years. I don't think it's particularly an age thing, as I'm sure the stresses of airports and airline rules, security, crowds, and so on applies to everyone, but it's easier to cope with when younger I think. That's because my tolerance levels have significantly reduced now!

Anyway, I am retired now and decided that I wouldn't let it beat me. So I just travel on short 4-5 day trips now and just bring that small underseat backpack that even Michael O'Leary allows! No worries about luggage not fitting overhead, lugging it about, etc. All my possessions are in the little bag that I shove underneath the seat. It's amazing how little we need really.

If on a longer trip I use my husband as a shield, and make no apologies for that. You see he needs assistance at the airport due to mobility issues. So we get a wheelchair, fast track through security, special check in, wheeled straight to the gate, and the arrival airport take us off at the door straight through to the taxi stand also.

I still don't like the thoughts of travelling, but a few times a year I go for it!

Totally agree! I gave my DH for his 70th birthday this year the gift of going no where for a year!!! I also enjoy the freedom of not giving a.......

I've been there since 40. It's probably in part my life, invitations out are thin on the ground when you have kids with SEN and my marriage imploded just after my 40th. I just want to collapse in front of the TV with a cup of tea if I get any free time.

👏 well done! you're an inspiration, please post more

I am in my early 50's and reading this post - I have friends in their 50s who are scared of
Flying, the tube, driving, swimming or anything water related and doctors just make me think what happened to make them become like this?
I have seen some people become like this say in their mid 70's and above. It could be due to poor health, a bad fall, a car accident the loss of a husband or wife or the loss of friend's.
At the same time I know people in their 80's who are going on holidays, meeting friends, reading, doing crosswords and puzzles. They are still very involved in their own interests. I think it good for people both physically and mentally to be like this as they get older.

A few years ago one of my friends was very overweight, unemployed and her world was beginning to get very small. She realised that she needed to make changes. She got involved with a few groups, lost weight and did some voluntary work. She is planning to get back into part time work for both social and financial reasons.

@Shetlands & @valderan I am in total agreement.

I feel the same but linking it to my frequent bouts of depression. However, when I’m feeling better I still don’t have any enthusiasm to go through the faff of travel or anything that means leaving home for more than a few hours😂

I think as well, as we age we tend to forget that we might just need to scale back a touch. I used to be able to go out in the city for a day's shopping then out for a meal, work the next day, then the following day out for a long hike with the dog, work a full weekend then spend Monday convincing myself I was 'taking it easy' whilst heading into town for some sight seeing or off to a local historic place of interest.

Now in my 60s I can do one thing on one day - two at most, but I then need a day or two just sitting at home to recoup my energy. I don't JUST sit at home, I run five miles a day and cycle and everything, but it's done in my own time and in my own head. I have to remember to build these 'doing not much' days in to my life now otherwise I end up exhausted and swearing never to go further than the end of the garden again.

Time! What is it? Where did it go? All those years being young and free with loads of ambitions, hopes and dreams for the future. Then one day you wake up and realise that today is the tomorrow you dreamed about yesterday - and you are still alive! It was said to me years ago that as long as you have your health and wealth in older age you'll be OK. Well, I've not got my health so all the wealth in the world doesn't make up for it. What I'd give to be fit and healthy again. I didn't use it so I've lost it. My fault entirely.

I swear my arms are shorter now. If things succumb to force of gravity they stay there till I can fetch my grabber. I'm supposed to wear socks but cant put them on without an aid cos my knees don't bend enough. We got a stair lift fitted recently cos stairs have been a problem for a long time with me put some days I can't use it cos my knees don't bend enough to tuck my feet in,

However, despite all this I am still 20 in my head. My mental image of 'an older lady' is someone at least 20yrs older than me. I'm not ready for God's waiting room yet.

I love just pottering and being at home (early 50's) maybe boring to some but I find comfort and happiness in the smaller things in life now and I am more content that I have ever been

I definitely feel less motivated but I make sure i go for long walks

I am not bothered by not having the desire to go out much, I will now say thanks but no thanks before I felt obliged to go, I have no real desire to travel anymore (i have done a lot of travelling) and the less faff the better

I go out a few times a month for a meal with friends or the cinema occasionally theatre but that's enough for me and I am absolutely fine with this and have found most of my friends are the same

I know what you mean OP.

Partly I feel that I can see a lot of things about life/other people/society so clearly now and can't ever go back to how I thought before. I've seen others allude to that on here.

I really don't care about going out at night, in fact I actively dislike it now. I used to love it! Now I can't think of anything that's worth the effort of getting a train home late at night 🤣

In contrast though, I have much more self confidence in a lot of ways. There are lots of things I just don't care about any more, in relation to what other people will think. So in that way I feel much more free. Not having to live up to other people's idea of how to spend my weekend for example!

This really made me chuckle!!

I think that’s a you thing! My mum (in her 80s) has enthusiasm for all sorts of things, socialises, looks forward to travelling, enjoys activities. Sure, she likes days of relaxation but she’s not just descending into inactivity in a chair!

My husband and I are 60s and we still do lots of things. I have days where I can’t be bothered, but I always have done. It’s not new or age-related.

I still love going out, travelling when I get the opportunity, meeting friends etc. I'm 59. Not scared of flying, the tube, water, driving at night or doctors either!

I never loved exercise! The time I did it most was in my late 30s to mid 40s, but that was because I worked part time and had time to do it!

I kind of agree about socialising, but it's partly that I don't really have a local group of friends to socialise with, and my family are good company. I don't actively avoid socialising with others, I just don't try hard to seek out the opportunity to do so. Plus my work is very intensively people-based, so I've had enough interaction by the end of the day/week!

No its me too. Once I get in from work I am in sofa mode as exhausted. I make excuses not to go out in the evening as its just so much hassle getting anywhere and home again and rarely worth it. I might venture out if there is easy and cheap car parking

I cut from the OP to here (sorry). But 💯 I cannot be arsed. I’m 62. At 35-40 I’d assumed that in my semi retirement, we’d be hiking up mountains as before, and (re) visiting Argentina and Thailand, for example; a bit more upmarket maybe than our 25 years old backpacking, but not ‘all-in resort’. I thought I’d throw myself into my arty/gardening hobbies, but, no.

It’s a real gamble whether I wake up full of enthusiasm, or roll over and go back to sleep. But even the ‘enthusiasm’ stage means I suddenly see ALL the jobs that need doing before the one I feel inspired to do; or, ‘the job’ is a 4-5 day say painting the lounge job, which would require 4-5 days of enthusiasm.

I am shocked by my ‘I can’t be bothered’ feeling in my early 60s.

I need to cram in all my Thailand hiking trips super quick before I can't be bothered.
!

The CHIN HAIRS!! Nothing before bed, then 5mm in the morning... I wish my eyelashes grew like that!!

👏👏🤣 Also you hands go wrinkly no matter how much hand cream you apply, when you can remember that is.

I’ve certainly lost interest in travel - I increasingly loathe the faff and hassle of airports/planes, and I do like my own bed!
On the plus side, the older I get, the less I give a flying fuck what anybody else thinks.
I do make a point of getting some exercise - just walking daily and swimming at least twice a week. I can’t say I really enjoy it but I make myself go, to get my money’s worth from my David Lloyd sub.🙂

The menopause really is a change. You change as a person. You become someone that you weren't before, or the person that you were before disappears. It's an endurance to get through and part of that is the realisation that everything is changing.

You also become more preoccupied with death.

And you are randomly stiff, have aches and pains for no good reason.

Otherwise ... it's a blast!

I am post menopause.
Dont have aches or pains or stiffness
When I think of death, it's only because I want to cram in as much travel, theatre, going out and meeting new people as possible before I die.

Maybe I am alone in this, but I dont think so.

I agree , the death thing gives me impetus to make the most of everything

You’re not alone. I was lucky, sailed through the menopause, hardly any issues. A lot older now and still no aches or pains, and only the sort of mild stiffness that’s fairly normal at my great age if I’ve been sitting in the car for any length of time.