What They Don't Tell You About Getting Older?

[LetGoLetThem1234]

...Is that your motivation/desire/enthusiasm for everything and anything may wane.

In my case, the love of exercise and socialising.

During my 20s, 30s and 40s - I rarely went a day with physical activity.

Now, in my early 60s - I can a take it or leave it. Mostly I leave it. Knowing all the benefits of exercise etc makes not a jot of difference.

My enthusiasm for most things - socialising, meals out, travel - my overwhelming attitude is I would rather be at home, I can't be doing with the hassle, faff and effort of it all.

I guess I underestimated the effects of hormones to drive one out and into the company of others.

It was once remarked about me " you never leave someplace without talking to others". I was very social loved being out and about. Definitely I am not like this now.

I know what depression feels like and this is not it. I am actually the happiest I have been in decades.

But this gradual change has given me an understanding of why older people might not do what they ought, purely because they no longer have the drive, for want of a better word, to do it.

I am also on HRT, and have been for years.

Does anyone have the same feelings, noticed similar changes in their motivation (to do things they used to do) as they advance in age?

I’m with you. I’m in my 60’s and love my own company and a quiet life. I love my close friends, and these are people I’ve known for decades, so they are like family really. Other than that I don’t bother. I’m quite clear what I find rewarding and I don’t waste my time!

@PeggyMitchellsCameo - 😂😆

I'm exercising more at 64 than I did at 40 or even 50. But I do find myself less enthusiastic about work - I used to enjoy turning up and doing my bit but now I am finding it more and more of an effort. I mostly do the exercise to keep fit so that work isn't so tough, but instead I just seem to get tireder. It might be the fact that retirement is on the horizon so I don't feel like getting involved in anything too deeply.

I get what you’re saying and don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing. (I’m not sure you were even saying it’s a bad thing?)

I think there’s a time in life to be driven and outwardly focused - on others, socialising - and a time to be inwardly focused, which brings wisdom, deep thought, a valuable perspective on life, reaping the rewards of the more driven time (maybe enjoying things like your home and being with yourself more). Neither is right/wrong or good/bad. Both are really valid and needed for a healthy society.

At 54 with a nearly 16 yo, my time is coming again! I've been a lone parent for many years. I work full time and do a lot of juggling as most people do. But DS needs me less now - once I could leave him home alone things changed a great deal.
I could socialise and/or do sport every night of the week. I don't because I do need and want to spend time with DS - it's GCSE year as well.
I'm at the age where peers are losing their parents, as well as having their own health issues (some of my less fit peers are struggling more than I think their age warrants), so I truly appreciate that I have the time, means and health to do things I enjoy. I'm through menopause, which was pretty smooth for me, but looking back I think I had stuff going on physically (aches and taking longer to recover from hard sport).

Don't get me wrong, I'm not skipping about with joy. I'm pretty low on resilience and small things tip me into tears of frustration (e.g. how fucking hard is it to report that my bin wasn't collected - I don't want to make a sodding account with the council to report it). Sport and getting out helps me keep things in perspective so small things don't become big things.

@LetGoLetThem1234 @PeggyMitchellsCameo & @Giggorata

COMPLETELY agree 😂

Late 50's you are describing my life .
I am happy as a pig in muck not going out socialising .
I blame it on covid lockdown .
I had a very busy house pre covid with maybe two drop ins from friends and family every day/evening.
Then lockdown came and this was no longer allowed .
I realised I had been entertaining a lot of people and providing free coffee and biscuits . The joy of sitting in house during lockdown knowing no one was going to just pop in was bliss .
I very much kept to this after lockdown was lifted ...bliss .

What a miserable, negative bunch of responses!

No, it isn’t, I’m like that too. I think, oo maybe I’ll go to the seaside (or somewhere) tomorrow, then tomorrow comes and I think, nah I can’t be bothered.

@LetGoLetThem1234 it's not just you! I'm nearly 56 , still not in menopause or on HRT and whilst I love the thought of going out to a nightclub and dancing the night away, I haven't been for a night or evening out for well over 2 years. Since Covid my desire to mix with the human population has dwindled massively and I just can't be bothered with anything. I no longer wear make up or style my hair. New clothes come from charity shops and I recently turned down an invitation to an evening out just because I couldn't bear the thought of dressing up.
Can't face a 0430hrs wake up to get to the gym so the only exercise I get is walking the dog which is lovely but very isolating. I would love to get back on my bike and cycle with my local club on a Sunday morning but its SO much effort to get organised, then get changed, never mind actually cycling. 😀

I'm mid 50s and finding my mojo in terms of socialising and exercise when previously I was too overwhelmed with work and children.

What I am finding is that have have zero motivation for work, whereas previously my work was very important to me.

Worryingly I know of two recent marriage break ups where long term husbands have reached their mid - late 50s and finally have the time, money and inclination to get out and "do things" just as their previously very active wives decided they wanted to stay home all the time.

I dont understand why on MN there are only 2 options: going clubbing or sittimg at home forever!
I have not been to a nightclub in 20 years. Very rarely go to a pub. There are a milliion other things to do outside the house.

Do people realise menopause is one day? So when you say ‘I’m 56 and not in menopause’ you will either be in peri menopause or post menopause (if it’s a year since having a period). So hormones will be having an impact.

Completely up to the individual whether to replace hormones but hormone fluctuations will be having an impact…

Tiredness. I am not old but I find myself wanting to be in bed by 9pm most nights to watch TV, rather than sitting up downstairs. To be fair, it's probably my kids that make me tired, but I had small kids in my 20s too and I seemed to have endless energy. Now I just want to curl up of an evening. I also give less of a fuck about fitting in with people than I did when I was younger and I'd rather be in my own company than investing in people I don't really like.

@PeggyMitchellsCameo hahahahaa can't wait!
(Is it worrying im already experiencing the 15 min per month feeling-like-sex window - im 39)

OP... I feel seen! Yes, absolutely agree - happier than I've ever been, now I don't feel the need to do everything 'just because'. I'm not that social and love being free from the need to turn up to everything. Don't love exercise, but I walk everywhere and do weights twice a week and that is plenty as far as I'm concerned.

I say we just pull up the drawbridge and enjoy!

Late 50s here, I am at the gym six days a week. Motivation is not really an issue, I've seen what a sedentary lifestyle does to people in older age, it's not something I want. I meet friends twice a week and that's about my limit.

I've just booked tickets to a show, but not before I said to my DH, "That'll give us a long drive and a late night three days in a row, are you OK with that or do you think it'll be too tiring?" Even just 10 years ago we wouldn't have given it a thought.

I'm still enjoying exercise and socialising, but can't throw myself from one activity to another without stopping to draw breath like I used to. I see my young adult children doing several different things in a day, getting from one to the other on public transport, and I wish I still had that sort of energy and enthusiasm.

The biggest unexpected thing is that I always said, "Oh, yes, when we've retired and the DC no longer need us DH and I will be off travelling, we'll be unstoppable, the Exodus catalogue will be our oyster." I hadn't counted on being tethered to the present by DH awaiting treatment for a significant health problem prevalent among middle aged men (no resentment, it could just as easily have been me with the health problem, and I know being limited by it is much harder for him), or on the sense of responsibility I'd have towards my parents, who are of an age where a health crisis could always be just around the corner (again, no resentment, I'm really pleased that they're both still alive, independent and competent).

About to turn sixty and doing all the things I never did in my prime years due to looking after every other bugger but myself and married to a financially controlling arse.

So long-haul trips to exotic places, just got back from Thailand. Art classes plus workshops for things that take my interest. Try to keep bendy with yoga and pilates. Joined a 'serious' book club, loving some challenging reads. Long hikes with my partner around the country, plus weekends away. Volunteer one day a week doing something very fulfilling. Dance lessons and plans to take up another interest when I have the time. Made loads of new friends. However, I do realise how fortunate I am and not everyone can afford these things.

These are the go-go years. You have to make the most of them imo!

Things seem less real somehow. Maybe it’s just me, but nothing seems to matter anymore. The only things that seem real are illness and death. Everything else feels like an absurd joke.

Also, when you’re young new experiences seem valuable. You feel like you’ll learn from them, and maybe some day they’ll make an interesting anecdote. Beyond 40 new experiences are just hassle.

I dunno, I agree with you to sone extent OP.

Mid 40s here, and I had a head injury and post concussion syndrome before being injured permanently by an off label antipsychotic prescribed for severe anxiety and insomnia, with a neurological involuntary movement disorder called tardive dyskinesia.

I was incredibly fit and healthy before my injury, ran half marathons, ate well etc. Now in perimenopause and havd less motivation and desire to do things like before. Obviously 3 DC make it a bit harder time-wise but I think back to how i was so healthy before, and it made bugger all difference to the head injury and subsequent suffering/health woes.

Yes, being sedentary and overweight isn't good obviously, plus exercise does help mental and physical health, but it's not a panacea for menopause or chronic health issues.

I wish I'd made the most of being in rude health before. I took it for granted so much. 😪

Exactly. This is so true. I've had my eyes opened to this over the past decade. Illness is something a lucky few are spared but for lots of us, it's a bit of a slog.

Beyond 40 new things are just hassle? Goodness. I am 53 and solo travelling around the world. Hope to do it till I am 80.

Thank God! I lost my husband at 51 and maybe I shouldn't admit it , but I have loved finding myself and experiencing loads of new things in my 50s.

Am very sorry for your loss. My mum was widowed at 63 and immediately set off travelling.

I have a husband. But I still travel solo sometimes because I have niche interests. And I try a lot of new things.

I can quite understand enjoying your own company but I am not going to sit around waiting for death and pondering illness.