Page 3 | What They Don't Tell You About Getting Older?

LetGoLetThem1234 · 2025-03-13T11:43:55+00:00

...Is that your motivation/desire/enthusiasm for everything and anything may wane. In my case, the love of exercise and socialising. During my 20s, 30s and 40s - I rarely went a day with physical activity. Now, in my early 60s - I can a take it or leave it. Mostly I leave it. Knowing all the benefits of exercise etc makes not a jot of difference. My enthusiasm for most things - socialising, meals out, travel - my overwhelming attitude is I would rather be at home, I can't be doing with the hassle, faff and effort of it all. I guess I underestimated the effects of hormones to drive one out and into the company of others. It was once remarked about me " you never leave someplace without talking to others". I was very social loved being out and about. Definitely I am not like this now. I know what depression feels like and this is not it. I am actually the happiest I have been in decades. But this gradual change has given me an understanding of why older people might not do what they ought, purely because they no longer have the drive, for want of a better word, to do it. I am also on HRT, and have been for years. Does anyone have the same feelings, noticed similar changes in their motivation (to do things they used to do) as they advance in age?

rosemarble · 13/03/2025 15:39

Delatron · 13/03/2025 13:55

Do people realise menopause is one day? So when you say ‘I’m 56 and not in menopause’ you will either be in peri menopause or post menopause (if it’s a year since having a period). So hormones will be having an impact.

Completely up to the individual whether to replace hormones but hormone fluctuations will be having an impact…

I think we know what women mean when they say "still not in menopause"

Delatron · 13/03/2025 15:59

rosemarble · 13/03/2025 15:39

I think we know what women mean when they say "still not in menopause"

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I don’t know what they mean. I guess they mean they are still having periods. That doesn’t mean they are not in perimenopause especially at 56. And this can have a big impact.

At that age you’re either perimenopausal or post-
menopause.There’s no ‘in menopause’.

Gardenyear · 13/03/2025 16:07

Lentilweaver · 13/03/2025 14:58

Am very sorry for your loss. My mum was widowed at 63 and immediately set off travelling.

I have a husband. But I still travel solo sometimes because I have niche interests. And I try a lot of new things.

I can quite understand enjoying your own company but I am not going to sit around waiting for death and pondering illness.

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No of course not, what I was saying is that getting out and living life in my 50s has been great for me, whereas when I was younger and had more ties (DC more than DH) I didn't necessarily have the time or inclination for it.

rosemarble · 13/03/2025 16:12

Delatron · 13/03/2025 15:59

I don’t know what they mean. I guess they mean they are still having periods. That doesn’t mean they are not in perimenopause especially at 56. And this can have a big impact.

At that age you’re either perimenopausal or post-
menopause.There’s no ‘in menopause’.

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I understand it to mean she has not yet reached menopause and is not having symptoms, or at least not ones that impact her life hugely.

Cometojesusmoment · 13/03/2025 16:16

@PeggyMitchellsCameo thank you for your hilarious post. You made me laugh

Sidebeforeself · 13/03/2025 16:16

@Giggorata Your experience matches mine exactly. Including the fartiness sadly

Delatron · 13/03/2025 16:21

rosemarble · 13/03/2025 16:12

I understand it to mean she has not yet reached menopause and is not having symptoms, or at least not ones that impact her life hugely.

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Ok. I’m merely saying a lot of what is being described on here could be due to a loss in hormones. Those that influence motivation, help with energy, sleeping, joint heath etc.

Even if one hasn’t reached that day of menopause yet.

As long as people are happy then fine. But it doesn’t have to be like this. And exercise is really important as we get older. Clubbing less so!

crushedbandicoot · 13/03/2025 16:35

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 13/03/2025 13:11

Your fanny shrinks.
Your memory is not far behind your fanny.
Your hormones fall to the floor.
Dragging your arse with them.
Everything dries out, from your hair to your eyeballs.
Hair grows everywhere you’d rather not have it.
At least your arse is cushioned by it when you drag it round behind you all day.
You have absolutely no time for bullshit.
You turn into your mother.
If you are still looking after your mother, sometimes just the sound of her voice going on about nothing you want to gauge your eyes out with a rusty spoon.
Then if you lose your mum you miss her, and feel guilty for all the times you wanted to reach for that rusty spoon when she went on about Sheila’s bridge on the NHS cost just as much as it would private.
Then you need a bridge yourself and moan about the cost.
Then you go for an eyesight test and they go on about your floaters and detached retinas.
So you come home and make a cuppa, put the telly on and it’s rammed with ads for direct cremation, chairs which catapult you, and vibrating leg machines as modelled by Eamonn Holmes.
You start checking pensions calculators.
A dressy shoe becomes something that’s not a trainer.
Without asking you get sent Cotton Traders catalogues, and ones for helpful home aids.
You go for a wee and it takes forever.
You think you might want to have sex during the 15 minutes a month when you don’t hate your DH/OH but between the Gobi desert flaps and atrophy, you think, is it worth the agony?
Apart from that, it’s fabulous.

Edited

Omg 😂😂 Thank you for this.

TheGhostOfPatButcher · 13/03/2025 16:51

I sometimes watch travel videos on YT, usually of the variety I could never actually afford, such as first class flights, hotels beyond the budget range and luxury sleeper trains. It's amazing, they have access to food and drink and a quiet sit down in a lounge, and their own bed and shower! I always think, yeah well, I shall stay at home where I also have all of these things! The thought of travelling economy for any distance and braving hoardes of people to see anything is just too much to contemplate.

This is a big part of the reason why I mostly stay at home. The only reason I will willingly travel now is to see people I love and, in the summer, to go camping with them.

TheGhostOfPatButcher · 13/03/2025 17:00

No need to leave the house to exercise though, thankfully! I put a treadmill in the living room and it's been a gamechanger.

Friartruckster · 13/03/2025 17:03

62 and dipping my toe in the water of retirement - if too early will go back to work. Divorced, adult children geographically distant. Friends scattered across the country. Consciously adjusting from a lonely life to a solitary life because I too have lost the impetus to socialise. However, I am working toward an MA, and then hopefully a Phd. The younger me couldn’t have tolerated the solitude required to research at this level. Maybe this third age of my life is the perfect opportunity for such an activity.

Bignanna · 13/03/2025 17:11

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 13/03/2025 13:11

Your fanny shrinks.
Your memory is not far behind your fanny.
Your hormones fall to the floor.
Dragging your arse with them.
Everything dries out, from your hair to your eyeballs.
Hair grows everywhere you’d rather not have it.
At least your arse is cushioned by it when you drag it round behind you all day.
You have absolutely no time for bullshit.
You turn into your mother.
If you are still looking after your mother, sometimes just the sound of her voice going on about nothing you want to gauge your eyes out with a rusty spoon.
Then if you lose your mum you miss her, and feel guilty for all the times you wanted to reach for that rusty spoon when she went on about Sheila’s bridge on the NHS cost just as much as it would private.
Then you need a bridge yourself and moan about the cost.
Then you go for an eyesight test and they go on about your floaters and detached retinas.
So you come home and make a cuppa, put the telly on and it’s rammed with ads for direct cremation, chairs which catapult you, and vibrating leg machines as modelled by Eamonn Holmes.
You start checking pensions calculators.
A dressy shoe becomes something that’s not a trainer.
Without asking you get sent Cotton Traders catalogues, and ones for helpful home aids.
You go for a wee and it takes forever.
You think you might want to have sex during the 15 minutes a month when you don’t hate your DH/OH but between the Gobi desert flaps and atrophy, you think, is it worth the agony?
Apart from that, it’s fabulous.

Edited

😆😆😆😆

JeanGenieJean · 13/03/2025 17:14

One thing I've noticed in others when they age (but not myself or my OH yet) is a reluctance to go on holiday. One of my friends used to love holidays abroad and cruising but now her OH refuses to go anywhere further than the Lakes (an hour away) for a couple of nights.
Another friend has decided she's never going to travel further than 20 miles from home again.
I love my holidays and hope I don't get like that.

Stickytreacle · 13/03/2025 17:20

I've always been a loner and am quite happy without close friends to socialise with. What I dislike about my age (60) is that I want to focus on myself and doing things I love, but I am just so tired a lot of the time. Health issues currently are stopping me doing the things I love and four elderly parents, all with health issues and appointments to sort etc sap every last bit of time and enthusiasm.
On the plus side, I just ignore what people say you should be doing or feeling without guilt. Older and wiser hopefully!

Swuirrelsaremarauders · 13/03/2025 17:24

I spent a year in a rental in a rural area before moving to a city. It was an absolute joy to be living in a peaceful, tranquil place with no traffic noise,
quiet neighbours who were out all day and no through traffic. It’s the happiest I’ve ever been. I don’t see any ‘friends’ just husband.
Likewise during Covid I was amazed that I didn’t miss any socialising,
meals out or holidays at all. The lack of pressure and stress was wonderful.

WestwardHo1 · 13/03/2025 17:24

My mum is 78 and is very sociable with a few certain people doing a few certain activities. She absolutely won't do anything outside her comfort zone though, and she has no drive or energy to sort anything out that needs sorting out e.g. reducing clutter, getting things in the house fixed.

I can feel myself slipping into it! That unwillingness to try new things. I must fight it.

Spacehop · 13/03/2025 17:26

Dappy777 · 13/03/2025 14:35

Things seem less real somehow. Maybe it’s just me, but nothing seems to matter anymore. The only things that seem real are illness and death. Everything else feels like an absurd joke.

Also, when you’re young new experiences seem valuable. You feel like you’ll learn from them, and maybe some day they’ll make an interesting anecdote. Beyond 40 new experiences are just hassle.

Seriously you sound depressed. I would see your GP about possible physical causes or maybe see a therapist. None of this is inevitable.

justasking111 · 13/03/2025 17:35

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 13/03/2025 13:11

Your fanny shrinks.
Your memory is not far behind your fanny.
Your hormones fall to the floor.
Dragging your arse with them.
Everything dries out, from your hair to your eyeballs.
Hair grows everywhere you’d rather not have it.
At least your arse is cushioned by it when you drag it round behind you all day.
You have absolutely no time for bullshit.
You turn into your mother.
If you are still looking after your mother, sometimes just the sound of her voice going on about nothing you want to gauge your eyes out with a rusty spoon.
Then if you lose your mum you miss her, and feel guilty for all the times you wanted to reach for that rusty spoon when she went on about Sheila’s bridge on the NHS cost just as much as it would private.
Then you need a bridge yourself and moan about the cost.
Then you go for an eyesight test and they go on about your floaters and detached retinas.
So you come home and make a cuppa, put the telly on and it’s rammed with ads for direct cremation, chairs which catapult you, and vibrating leg machines as modelled by Eamonn Holmes.
You start checking pensions calculators.
A dressy shoe becomes something that’s not a trainer.
Without asking you get sent Cotton Traders catalogues, and ones for helpful home aids.
You go for a wee and it takes forever.
You think you might want to have sex during the 15 minutes a month when you don’t hate your DH/OH but between the Gobi desert flaps and atrophy, you think, is it worth the agony?
Apart from that, it’s fabulous.

Edited

Crying 🤣🤣

justasking111 · 13/03/2025 17:41

Dinner out with the girls, becomes lunch out with the girls. You peruse the menu because now none of you can handle onions, garlic, cream, tomatoes in some of the dishes. You ask for another jug of water instead of another bottle of wine. You no longer need a nominated driver.

valderan · 13/03/2025 17:51

It's all about YOU, not what others do.

Ageing gives me the freedom to do what I want, and to refuse to do what I don't want to do.

Who gives a shiny shite anyway? Once you are feeling well and not clinically depressed or neglecting some health issue, do whatever the fuck you want once it's legal. Or do nothing if that pleases you also.

There is far too much pressure on people to conform. To eat less of this, more of that, do less of this sedentary thing and get moving, moving moving even if you have no desire to and couldn't give a fuck what some sculpted babe or chiselled diet guru/doctor tells you on TV/Facebook/Instagram wherever.

Be a loner if you want. Introverts are highly underrated. Anyway it's only the extroverts who put pressure on others to be active, go out, socialise etc. because without others they are done.

Be quiet, be peaceful, be lazy, be alone, be everything YOU want to be and do, and ignore everyone else. They are usually projecting. It's a very nice place to be if you are very happy in your own skin.

I think I'm just about getting there at 67. FREEDOM!

Swuirrelsaremarauders · 13/03/2025 17:52

crushedbandicoot · 13/03/2025 16:35

Omg 😂😂 Thank you for this.

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Hilarious!! Xx

Lifecircle · 13/03/2025 17:56

LetGoLetThem1234 · 13/03/2025 12:54

It's just me, then.

Fair enough. I stand corrected.

However, maybe this is where the adage: "everyone's different" comes into play.

No it's not just you.I am a similar age as you and can assume (according to a previous poster) that I have a similar 'personality ' to you. I have adopted a lifestyle that may be considered a tad unusual and takes me somewhat off grid.
I have lived a very full life with numerous holidays abroad and spent a lot of time socialising. I have 2 successful adult children who are settled and financially ok. I loved their childhood days as I did my career.
I feel done with normal life and feel content.

Dragonsbe · 13/03/2025 18:00

I feel exactly the same as you. I’m not depressed. I think it’s the impact of the loss of the driving testosterone hormone. Whenever I read about all these people who are apparently still full of vim and vigour, well, lucky them. I wonder if hormone loss impacts us differently.

caringcarer · 13/03/2025 18:11

LetGoLetThem1234 · 13/03/2025 12:54

It's just me, then.

Fair enough. I stand corrected.

However, maybe this is where the adage: "everyone's different" comes into play.

I feel more tired than I used to OP. I'm 63, in my 50's I definitely had more energy. I still enjoy eating out and going out generally but if we walk too far I feel shattered in the evening. If I garden for too long I get stiffer than I used to the following day. I still enjoy walking and gardening but I just have to pace myself a bit more.

TwinklyOrca · 13/03/2025 18:12

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 13/03/2025 13:11

Your fanny shrinks.
Your memory is not far behind your fanny.
Your hormones fall to the floor.
Dragging your arse with them.
Everything dries out, from your hair to your eyeballs.
Hair grows everywhere you’d rather not have it.
At least your arse is cushioned by it when you drag it round behind you all day.
You have absolutely no time for bullshit.
You turn into your mother.
If you are still looking after your mother, sometimes just the sound of her voice going on about nothing you want to gauge your eyes out with a rusty spoon.
Then if you lose your mum you miss her, and feel guilty for all the times you wanted to reach for that rusty spoon when she went on about Sheila’s bridge on the NHS cost just as much as it would private.
Then you need a bridge yourself and moan about the cost.
Then you go for an eyesight test and they go on about your floaters and detached retinas.
So you come home and make a cuppa, put the telly on and it’s rammed with ads for direct cremation, chairs which catapult you, and vibrating leg machines as modelled by Eamonn Holmes.
You start checking pensions calculators.
A dressy shoe becomes something that’s not a trainer.
Without asking you get sent Cotton Traders catalogues, and ones for helpful home aids.
You go for a wee and it takes forever.
You think you might want to have sex during the 15 minutes a month when you don’t hate your DH/OH but between the Gobi desert flaps and atrophy, you think, is it worth the agony?
Apart from that, it’s fabulous.

Edited

I laughed so hard I cried about 3/4 times