What happens to the families of those who have committed heinious crimes?

[FaeFae]

Given recent heinious crimes and sentencing, set me thinking. How do about their parents, siblings and grandparents continue their lives?

What happens to them?

Worked with someone who just vanished for a few months and suddenly he iis n Court and pleading guilty to grooming a young girl and got years.He had adult children and young grandchildren. I often think how what if that had been my father. Years of love just gone. How would you explain to your grandchildren why he has gone to jail. What do you say when/if you meet up and he has to sign the Register. A terrible thing to happen to a family.

I know the family of someone that committed a murder (domestic). It's been incredibly difficult for them, both because of the horror of their family member having done that, and because they knew and loved the victim.

Me too in theory. But when listening today to the judge summarising and sentencing I also wondered about the family. I've heard nothing about the parents at all.

I used to know the DD of a very famous posh fraudster.

She and her DB were bewildered and horrified by DM who was gaoled for ripping off the rest of their family. They didn’t know anything about it. Until they did and were left reeling.

Rather unpleasantly, some people always made sure to tell everyone at every party who her DM was.

I adore my DC, I dont know where my line would be. Could I disown them? I'm really not sure.

Definitely had me thinking still a few days later..

Do they? I don’t know a single person who thinks LL is innocent

With Lucy Letby, her parents are in hell either way.

She’s either their innocent daughter who’s been unjustly locked up for life with the whole world thinking she’s a killer of babies

Or she’s a killer of babies.

Dreadful for them in both scenarios.

John Hunt referenced them in his statement. Something about how he’d complained about his family to them and they’d been sympathetic.

Couzens mother stood by him...
She sent him a bday present. He wasn't allowed to receive it and he didn't like it and complained.

Wonder if she has any friends.Thoroughly embarrassing and horrible to think you raised someone like couzens, Huntley et al.

My DH's ex-wife married a murderer. He killed his first wife. It was a big case at the time and was a TV show. The ex-wife swore he was innocent and forced DH's DD to talk to him on the phone in jail every week. Even now DSD says he was always kind to her. He was released after he served his sentence of about 18 years and immediately divorced the ex-wife.

Some people just won't see what's in front of them.

Lionel Shriver's We Need To Talk About Kevin explores this question quite brilliantly.

I would think that either I or their father or both of us should bear much of the responsibility.

I personally knew someone (married to a friend) who murdered a young boy in a fight. He's serving a life sentence. His daughter who was then about 6 or 7 was a beautiful and bright little girl. Fast forward about 12 yrs and she's a drug addict and alcoholic who is sexually exploited as a sex worker and in and out of mental health units. It's so tragic. Her Mum developed an alcohol issue after her husband was put in to prison and from what I can gather, failed to protect her daughter so the poor child didn't stand a chance.

Most people don’t actually. A few vocal people in the press doesn’t equate to most people. Personally I know no one who thinks she’s innocent.

I read Fred Wests daughter (Anne Marie i think) book. It's awful how she was just expected to get on with her life after everything she'd been through. I read that her own daughter now doesn't talk to her because she still holds some loyalty towards Rose - They write letters to each other. I also read the son died by suicide, he'd witnessed his sisters murder. There was a documentary on a while ago about Fred's abusive childhood, his brother and niece swear blind that Fred lied about his abusive childhood. It must be awful to be related to such evil.

They are in disbelief/ denial.

When a family member was arrested for molesting his daughter my first reaction when told was Denial then shock .

He did it . He confessed straight away .

I have a family member in prison for a serious crime, we are in no contact.

The fact is that the prisoner gets to go to prison and not have to face up to the outside world.

Where the family who had zero to do with the crimes suffer years of constant stares, people writing lies about them online, threats to where we called the police and were told to just install cctv. Had bricks smashed through our living room windows, graffiti all over our houses.

No one ever seems to think of the family, that already has to pay for therapy for the realisation and trauma of what their family member has done, but also has to suffer the consequences of the outside world while the prisoner does not.

This is a haunting book.

I remember after the terrible mass killing in Norway in 2011 by Andres Breivik that his Dad released a statement, expressing his grief for the victims and saying he would never live another happy day.

I cannot imagine the pain of knowing you've raised a person who could do such a thing.

I know someone whose son committed a terrible crime that was widely reported. He pleaded guilty, and is serving a long sentence. His family moved house and siblings moved school. The perpetrator is unlikely to survive prison due to his psychosis and numerous suicide attempts; if he does survive his sentence, he will, I believe, need to be under lifelong psychiatric care. I mention the guilty plea as many of the posts here have talked about family denial, whereas in this case the acceptance of the family was there from day one, but they are experiencing the awful consequences anyway.

This was an interesting and thoughtful discussion, a few years back, started by a family member trying to come to terms with what their loved one had done, and wondering how to interact with them going forward.

Some difficult reading on here. Thank you to those sharing personal experiences, I hadn't intended that and I hope it hasn't brought to the fore difficult memories and feelings.

In my very limited experience, they build a narrative around the crime to explain or justify it.

I have a distant relative who was arrested and charged with having CSA images on his computer.

I’ve not seen him or his immediate family in years. He’s early 30’s and lives with his mother (who is grandma to her other son’s children), so she obviously isn’t bothered about him or the risks he is to his nieces and nephews.