What happens to the families of those who have committed heinious crimes?

[FaeFae]

Given recent heinious crimes and sentencing, set me thinking. How do about their parents, siblings and grandparents continue their lives?

What happens to them?

Interesting thread.
I met the family of the man who killed my Dad. They hated their son/brother almost on a par with how much I did. It seemed that he’d been a vicious, violent sadist since birth. They seemed ok ish - living in a shitty part of the UK, no education or jobs and not particularly intelligent but they wished him dead.
I think it depends on the crime. My friends brother killed someone with one drunk punch. She stood by him. I think I would too. But anything cruel - no way.

I knew a family years ago

3 kids,mum who only had them for the benefits,dad claimed he gave a fuck,but really didn't and no extended family

The kids where feral and the house was beyond bad-dog shit ground into the carpet (an inch thick) was the 'cleaner' of all the rooms

The eldest had to have all his teeth removed as they where rotten and the other neglect was off the scale

Anyway the father was sent to prison (and 'forgot' he had kids) and mum lost the kids to the care system (and believe me,it was for the best)

All 3 siblings were bounced about in the care system and the eldest ended up with mental health problems and a personality disorder-his foster carers where scared of him

Fast forward about ten years later and the eldest one found his mother (she'd walked away when the benefits ran out)

She'd found god by then (or at least the others supported her and didn't judge) and had found a boyfriend

The son murdered the boyfriend in cold blood (I think he wanted to murder him to hurt his mother-it worked,she was gutted to lose this bloke but not bothered by losing her son)

He was sent to prison (I don't think he's going to get out) and the mother moved away,she had a piece in chat magazine claiming to be the best mother in the world and didn't know what had gone wrong,her son was born 'bad'-she ended the piece with 'and now I'm going to vist my son to say goodbye,forever'

No shame at all-I saw her in the street not long after the murder and she was telling me how bad her son was and how she'd tried her best with him

Some kids stand no chance

Some families are just completely in on the game eg family with no obvious source of income, insisting on the relative's innocence while all the kids are in private school and the girls have ponies.

I know a situation like this. DS came home from primary school asking why we weren't rich like X's dad. The Dad in question has served prison time for drugs and organised crime offences. The mum & older DC meanwhile, live in a multi bedroom country mansion and regularly upgrade their BMWs and Mercedes.

Come on now, don't be silly.

I’ve NCd for this. My ex boyfriend (we parted on good terms) was friends with one of Fred West’s children.

The children all suffered immensely, obviously during their time with West but also afterwards. Two of the children were adults legally but barely (19/20) when their parents were arrested and they were thrown out, given no support by the police, obviously limited support in Gloucester.

Awful for them.

These are serious confessional messages.

The person who killed my relative had a very dysfunctional family - and it was stated in a variety of ways that the their mother did not want them, or care for them unlike other siblings. So I guess if you dont care for your kid before they murder someone, you dont suddenly start caring now.

How do you know this?

And while I enjoyed WNTTAK, I’m not sure it can be taken as a documentary style ‘what happened next to the family!’ It was far reaching to say the least.

I've read it. It was a few years ago now but it was very interesting and lacking in self pity. IIRC she met any of the families who asked to meet her and faced any of their wrath they put her way. I remember coming away thinking she was a decent lady and she was as perplexed as everyone else about their motivation.

Brianna Ghey' mum Esther is working together with the mum of one of Brianna' murderers to raise awareness of teen mental health.

I guess for Emma Sutton (the other mum) it provides her with something positive to focus on, underlines the point that both women have 'lost' children and also means that she / her family aren't hidden away eg I presume they still live locally.

I assume that working with Esther may also help to reduce any guilt she may (or may not) feel about her daughter's actions. I imagine that you'd blame yourself and search for reasons within the child's upbringing to explain their crime.

There is absolutely not a shred of evidence to say this. Be careful of Karma. It might one day be your miserable life.

I remember reading an interview with Fred West's elder daughter once and it sounded like the poor woman was suffering from Stockholm Syndrome, she spoke about how kind he and Rose would be to her after they'd abused her and how distraught she was after he'd died. Even after all he'd done to her.
It was one of the most harrowing things I've ever read and I hope life has been kind to her in the years since.

The book is better imo.
Even tho she has a bed for him. It's is very clear she was creeped out from the very start and completely uncomfortable with her own child..the book does a lot good job of making you wonder for a long time if she might be being unfair/even causing the early issues..
The Push is a great book of a similarish theme if you like this kind of story.

I was “friends” with some individuals within a large group of men who were involved in a very notorious case relating to young girls and young women.

The families of these men closed ranks, victim blamed and publicly tried to shame the young girls and young woman. It was appalling.

The wider community were disgusted and it did cause a cultural divide within the area.

Their comments coupled with the actions of their family members provoked racism and racial attacks.

@mikado1 I read the push last week. It kinda rattled me and took me a couple of days to shake it off. That doesn't happen often, even with thrillers.

I am friends with an elderly lady whose ex husband is in prison for a terrible murder. When she told me the story, she said 'I bet you will think I knew exactly what he had done and covered up for him. That is what even people in our family said'. I said you said you didn't and I believe you. And I mean that.
She has had an awful life. Had to leave her job, lost her home, one of her sons disowned her. She is now divorced from him and a kind lawyer in our community is advising her on changing her name my deed poll (she didn't know this was possible). Even though she is now very old, at least she can live out the rest of her years without his name attached to hers.

I was talking to someone recently who planned to go and see Gladiator 2. He complained that I "spoiled" it all for him by revealing that Russell Crowe eats sword at the end of Gladiator 1. Turns out he was planning to see the sequel without ever seeing the first one.

I was just surprised there's anyone alive who doesn't know that RC doesn't make it out alive of Gladiator 1. 😐

I have a family member who is in prison for murder, and other things. It was a fairly well publicised case, there’s been a mainstream TV drama made too.

My closest family member to the murderer initially wanted to believe they were innocent. I understand why. I spent a lot of my early life around this person.

There’s no support. This person is a diagnosed psychopath, it was an otherwise normal family, you can’t try to explain it.

It’s exceptionally hard, the impact it’s had on our family is huge. I don’t expect support as I know the victims’ families have had very little. But it’s shattered my family member who loved this person and trusted them.

I loved the book of WNTTAK. Definitely worth the read. Haven't seen the film (yet).

Massive spoiler!

@Unconvinced8768 I think it depends on the crime. My friends brother killed someone with one drunk punch. She stood by him. I think I would too. But anything cruel - no way.

I agree. I read something in the news recently about one punch deaths; the mother of a man who died in exactly that scenario met the even younger man who was responsible through a restorative justice programme. If you read the article you can see that that both parties have a lot to contribute to a conversation and awareness-raising about casual violence and how horrific its consequences can be. I think in those circumstances, I'd traipse myself on prison visits and support my errant family member back on the road to a law-abiding existence. But if they'd been motivated by calculation and cruelty. . .I hope I never have to find out.

www.theguardian.com/stage/2025/mar/02/my-sons-killer-and-me-grief-pain-and-the-power-of-forgiveness-after-a-one-punch-death?CMP=Share_AndroidApp_Other

I read that Axel Rudakubana’s parents asked repeatedly for help to 'cope with him' (and they called police to their house several times) but they struggled with his behaviour and he also stopped engaging with MH professionals. They tried to help him and I imagine they are devastated by what he did.

I read this book and it is well worth reading.

DB of one of my school friends raped and beat a girl half to death. DF disowned him. Their DM still visits him in prison and talks about him as if it never happened and he's just working away.