What happens to the families of those who have committed heinious crimes?

[FaeFae]

Given recent heinious crimes and sentencing, set me thinking. How do about their parents, siblings and grandparents continue their lives?

What happens to them?

That was such a hard book to read

Over here Denis Callely was brutally (is there any other kind?) murdered by her husband & the OW & his mam used to visit him all the time, it was mind boggling

I know the family of someone who committed a heinous crime, and they've all spent most of their time campaigning for his release as it's apparently definitely isn't a massive miscarriage of justice.

That makes it worse for me, it shows such a lack of respect and sympathy for the victim.

Ah yeah, Sue Klebold.

She does regular Ted talks about being the mother of a school shooter. I think his upbringing was far from the typical chaos and abuse we see.

That was a tough book to read.

A 20 year old near me got 8 years for raping a woman in broad daylight on a piece of waste ground at the bottom of the road. His parents & younger brother who was in ds class at school (another little shit) sold up & quietly moved because everyone knew who they were.

I don't think that's a fair comment. If you genuinely believed that your relative was innocent, of course you'd try to get them exonerated and released! It's not respectful or sympathetic to the victims to allow the wrong person to rot in prison. I'm not saying your relative is innocent - I have no idea - but if his family believe that, then I don't know what else you'd expect them to do.

I recently watched the Netflix docuseries "American Murder; Gabby Petito" & that was very interesting about how parents view their children

Another one, same series, was "Laci Pieterson" it's mind boggling

Edit to fix spelling

Yes, absolutely. I can be pretty ruthless when necessary.

I'm not saying your relative is innocent - I have no idea - but if his family believe that, then I don't know what else you'd expect them to do.

It's not my relative, just someone local. The evidence was just overwhelming - and he murdered his wife, the mother of their grandchildren. To spend the last however many years proclaiming his innocence when their own grandchildren were left without a mother is beyond comprehension to me.

I understand that they might want to support their son, but as I say, the evidence was overwhelming.

I couldn’t bear to think about having that quandary

I know of a woman who lived with her two sons. The two sons had an argument and one killed the other. I remember feeling terribly sorry for that mother who essentially lost both her sons that day. As far as I know, she remains in contact with the surviving son who is in prison.

We Need To Talk About Kevin is a fantastic and chilling read.

How utterly awful. So your daughter could any crime against humanity and you'd be rooting for her? No wonder you're "RuledByHormones".

Society depends on its participants advocating for civilisation, not condoning hideous crimes.

This thread immediately made me think of 6 year old Alesha MacPhail murdered by a 16 year old (she lived quite close to me), this case utterly horrified me at the time. His mother gave police the CCTV images of him believing he had nothing to do with her disappearance. To know the child you gave birth to and raised was capable of that how do you even start dealing with that?

As always I think it depends on the situation and the family itself.

I guess there are so many reactions and emotions. Shame, self blame, denial, loyalty, unconditional love.

I guess unless you live in that family you would never know. Was there abuse? Neglect? Trauma? within the family dynamic?

Ultimately I think it's something the families have to live with. I can't imagine how it must define the families.

What I do notice about families for say things like someone who has had an affair, or done something that is generally plain wrong is that they change the narrative over the years, they gloss over nasty details, reframe things little lies and untruths which make things more palatable and acceptable. 'The marriage was pretty much over' or 'he was always troubled as a child' etc.

I guess the question is 'how unconditional is the love for your family?'

It was horribly depressing. I wish I hadn’t read it.

I have a distant relative, my dad’s cousin, who murdered his girlfriend. He was always a strange man. He lied constantly and enjoyed being menacing so my dad and the rest of the cousins never socialised with him. Most of the cousins continued their distance after he had been put in prison for murdering his lovely girlfriend. Except two female cousins who suddenly became regular visitors and provided him with weekly letters and phone calls. Previously, they’d had nothing to do with him.

It was very disconcerting.

She didn’t say she’d lie for her or help her cover up heinous crimes. Just that she wouldn’t disown her.

It struck me from your post that the families who stay in touch in a superficial way may be storing up danger when their relative is released. What do you think about that?

This is a really interesting thread @FaeFae. Not just your initial question, but the points of conversation after, such as disowning etc.

All hypothetical, but my closest living blood relatives are my 2 sisters. I love them unconditionally and even if they committed a crime as heinous as that of Lucy Letby, I don't think I could just stop loving them. I'd hate them, but I'd still love them.

My DH who I love profoundly, albeit not unconditionally, if it turned out he was a serial killer or a paedophile, I'd absolutely grieve and 'mourn' him, but he would no longer exist to me.

To answer your question, which was perfectly answered by @marriednotdead, you'd hope that your family, friends, colleagues and even neighbours would be supportive and see it wasn't you that was the criminal.

That poster simply said she wouldn’t disown her, whatever her crime. Not that she would believe in her innocence against all evidence, minimise the crime etc.

C

'Most people' in my world certainly don't!

There have been some experts disputing the evidence. It’s certainly gaining traction.

I’m not invested in either a guilty or innocent verdict. I do think we need to be 100% certain she did it if we’re putting her in prison for the rest of her life with no chance of release.