Things you’re guaranteed to find on mumsnet

[Kibble29]

I think there have been lots of serious topics on MN recently, particularly in relation to benefits, people allegedly faking mental health issues to get out of work etc.

So, in the spirit of some lightheartedness that we can all identify with, tell me some generic things you are guaranteed to find on MN.

For me, it’s in the Style & Beauty section.

A person will post and ask for recommendations for comfy joggers to wear when they WFH with no visitors or Teams calls. I think the average human would expect that people will link them to Next, H&M etc.

Instead, because it’s MN, they get “oh I love these ones. They’ve got a bit of a homeless vibe about them and obviously you wouldn’t wear them outdoors, but they’re sooo comfy and perfect for home!”

Then a link for an obscure company selling loungewear for £187 per item.

“I lost my shit”
“That boils my piss”

Both are horrible phrases that thankfully I never hear in real life.

And the awful - 'This too shall pass.'

Imagine your world is falling apart and some smug poster writes that!

It's the most unhelpful comment and written by posters who have absolutely nothing constructive to say.

Can I have a link to the cat threads please?

@TheAmusedQuail

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/the_litter_tray/5290740-koko-stole-the-butter-weirdest-thing-yours-has-stolen

…the latest one, but there have been many over the years!

Baby name threads where someone suggests a perfectly normal classical name like Hermione and gets told that it's a made up name and their child will be picked on for having Harry Potter fans as parents.

Poster "how do you wash your vagina properly?"

1st poster "oh so you wash your actual vagina do you? That's odd! How do you see inside it ? Have you got a torch ? "

2nd poster: "it's a VULVA! You may as well give the local paedophile a key to your house by not being able to correctly identify your anatomy ! That is LITERALLY what you're doing !"

Next: " oh I use 4 different soaps and a bit of dental floss for those hard to reach areas. I stand over the sink at work for an extra douche. Anything less is DISGUSTING"

Next: " you must never use anything other than pure water. I just clean my teeth in the morning and allow my vulva to catch the drips from the tap"

I have never ever heard 'boils my piss' until Mumsnet. What an odd phrase!

OP: DH has been out every night until 4am, suddenly started being overprotective of his phone and sleeps with it under his pillow. I found a moment to look as I had strong suspicions he is cheating. I was right. How do I build up the courage to leave?

Reply: that's what you get for snooping. You have invaded his privacy. How the bloody dare you. You need therapy.

Oh come on, of course Harry Potter has forever changed the name Hermione.

Completely opposite opinions depending on what you do. If you talk about your outdoor roaming cat, you should not let them roam, it is cruel they will get run over. Indoor only cat, they can't possibly be happy indoors.

From the cat thread, is there really life like this?
My mum’s Siamese trotted home one day with a pheasant. ‘Splendid’ thought mum and hung it in the shed (times were hard and this was the country). 20 minutes later the same Siamese came back with the accompanying pheasant to make the brace, even better.
10 minutes later he trotted in with the box addresses to the brigadier who lived over the roa
MC Bingo; siamese, country, pheasant, brigadier 🥳🥳

Blackmumsnetters: "I'm looking for responses only from black women, who have lived experience. Remember, respectfully ,this is blackmumsnetters"

1st 2 pages: "knock knock, only me, I'm not black, I'm white, but ......" (Cue loads of "oh so original" self flagellation and gushy apologies for existing, and then some 'advice' that can't possibly address the original question from the perspective that the OP asked for.

When the tumbleweed goes past and the hand claps and likes and "oh thankyou so much for your original perspective" never comes and instead the blunt "yeh, cool story, but I asked for black women's perspective, can you respectfully refrain from posting as asked " is replied, cue "how dare you! Well I never liked you anyway! Humph!"

Ewwww, it is

😂😂😂😂😂

Someone claiming that it isn't possible to have flu if you can lift your head off the pillow.

No, it isn't.

The Russians are going to nuke us next week, where are you fleeing to?

Or answer - why haven’t you batch cooked at least a month in advance?

OP; 'I was walking to the shop to buy my DC some crisps yesterday. My neighbour came past, laughed and hit me over the head with a hammer. I called the police and they said I was a dickhead and refused to help. AIBU to be upset?'

MN; 'Why are you buying your child crisps?'

Salads are all massive

Pots of chilli are always HUGE

People are cross and horrid

Advice on loungewear for long haul flights. As if a pair of trackie bottoms isn't glamorous enough for such a glam activity.

An obsession with nicknames (nn) before the baby is even born.

VAT on school fees. Has literally never come up in conversation irl, even from friends and family who paid or are currently paying.

😂

That some people don't use google first before coming on here and asking ridiculous questions like 'can I reheat cooked rice?'

They’re not pots of chilli, they’re vats 😂

It really hasn't. And my post also includes names like Calliope or Xanthe - which get the same 'Urrgggh, I HATE made up names, what's wrong with Sue?' replies.