Things you’re guaranteed to find on mumsnet

[Kibble29]

I think there have been lots of serious topics on MN recently, particularly in relation to benefits, people allegedly faking mental health issues to get out of work etc.

So, in the spirit of some lightheartedness that we can all identify with, tell me some generic things you are guaranteed to find on MN.

For me, it’s in the Style & Beauty section.

A person will post and ask for recommendations for comfy joggers to wear when they WFH with no visitors or Teams calls. I think the average human would expect that people will link them to Next, H&M etc.

Instead, because it’s MN, they get “oh I love these ones. They’ve got a bit of a homeless vibe about them and obviously you wouldn’t wear them outdoors, but they’re sooo comfy and perfect for home!”

Then a link for an obscure company selling loungewear for £187 per item.

Or "batch cook and bulk everything up with lentils - including lentils."

😂 Hate to tell you but it was bloody amazing and I loved every second of it.

God I love this thread, I'm nodding in agreement with all of these!

I actually ordered (2nd hand thank god ) that Lundy Bancroft book and I found it Americanised twaddle.

No wonder this 'no contact ' and 'he's abusive ' because he sneezed has took off here in the UK.

It's sad because actual cases of abusive relationships and parents that really are toxic are getting watered down and people take it less seriously. I think these books aren't bloody helping tbh.

MIL hating

Vanity Sizing..

"I have been an 8 since 1984 but now even a 6 is hanging off me"

"We have lost sight of what a healthy weight is"

Fuck off.

The Gift Of Fear is TERRIBLE

Either that, or if the miscreant is over the age of 42, it's blamed on early onset dementia.

Also, OP "our sex life has taken a dip since the kids were born, we probably are averaging once a week, maybe less "

Followed by pages of "that's unhealthy. Me and DH were having sex 3 times a day when I was 8 months pregnant! We've now been together 25 years and we're still shagging over the kitchen table at noon most days! We do it at least once per day , twice at the weekends! You're asking for him to have an affair !"

Next message "can you try to give him a form of non penetrative sex " (so a BJ or hand job whilst you're screaming 5 week old baby lies in a cot at the end of the bed )

Next : "sex is so important. Sex is basically oxygen. You're depriving your DH of a basic NEED! You clearly don't love him anymore. Let him go find someone who does"

When In reality when you've been together 10+ years it probably averages once a month with two tired people yawning away next to each other exchanging a look that says "can we be bothered?" 😁

Man.... You've interrupted my deepness, I was getting heavy in to it. It's like you cut me down man. Yeah... Chill.

I had one of those. He's now married and a bit chubby.

If you are a woman in your 40s, it will be the perimenopause
"My fridge freezer keeps icing up at the back and freezing my salads"
Reply - "are you mid 40s? It is the perimenopause".

This really made me chuckle 🤭

That will be the perimenopause 😁

A ‘What do you think of this house/ Why isnt my house selling’

Go 'no contact' with any friend or family member who disagrees with you about anything

How old is your estate agent - could it be perimenopause?

I don’t like when we’re told to “think” things because something is too outing.

I can't stand this! We have a furry 4 legged pet that miaows, think cat. Why not just say it?

Does anyone actually say "think xxx" in real life?

Your messing with my chakras now...

Trying to chill....

Need to charge my phone with nothing but a pair of metal balls you clang together. Neighbours love that shit. I might do it in the garden, dogs love it too. Gets them barking.

Yeah man I'm chilling...

Wtf? 🤣 I shouldn't change my pants, because some people can't. So I don't. My handbag consists of my hand. If I can't carry it in that, I clearly don't need the fucker. Luckily I have quite large hands for a lady. I could probably go and rescue every child in danger with just one grab. Nobody's asked me yet.

Luckily I have neither time nor battery to tell you about my feet. You'd be enthralled though. I guarantee it.

They're tiny.

"I am allergic to lentils"... well, you are just not trying hard enough to try lentils. How old are you? It is probably the perimenopause.

I was quoting someone somewhere. I knew my chakras were fucked.

Also "I'm looking for recommendations for super quick and easy 30min after school dinners "

Reply:

"I bake spinach and falafel wood fired home made goujons with an Italian petit-joue. I tend to rustle up some home made sour dough bread as a side. Better if you add a slow roasted sprig of saffron as a garnish. I pop to my local ethically sourced organic family run store 3 miles away for that"

People raging at other people just for breathing and existing. It's either because of the menopause or because they're not people pleasing any more.

You there, I was quoting you,

Until someone pissed on my spiritual plane (plain?) plene...

Ha! Mine does 😬

She hates chocolate too, which I don’t understand. And chocolate cake! I make the best chocolate cake in the world and she won’t bloody touch it 😂

Have you been through it?

It literally affects everything around ”that age”.