Things you’re guaranteed to find on mumsnet

[Kibble29]

I think there have been lots of serious topics on MN recently, particularly in relation to benefits, people allegedly faking mental health issues to get out of work etc.

So, in the spirit of some lightheartedness that we can all identify with, tell me some generic things you are guaranteed to find on MN.

For me, it’s in the Style & Beauty section.

A person will post and ask for recommendations for comfy joggers to wear when they WFH with no visitors or Teams calls. I think the average human would expect that people will link them to Next, H&M etc.

Instead, because it’s MN, they get “oh I love these ones. They’ve got a bit of a homeless vibe about them and obviously you wouldn’t wear them outdoors, but they’re sooo comfy and perfect for home!”

Then a link for an obscure company selling loungewear for £187 per item.

“It’s a limit, not a target.”

”it’s an invite, not a summons.”

Despising family and friends being in your house as standard.

Husbands’ hobbies - it’s always sport - outside of MN I’ve never heard anyone refer to sport as a hobby. I keep hoping it’s going to be an actual hobby like building model railways or scale versions of the Guggenheim with matchsticks but it never is.

Op, gently ,.......... Followed by some old shit

Get. A. Grip.

but then log it with the police.

Someone being horrified that a tradesman working at their house for 8 hours a day might need to use the toilet.

My children had those for a few years at primary school, until ds2 very bluntly said "can't we have cheesestrings and frubes like everyone else?" I compromised after that and chilled out a bit. He's a chef now and very adventurous!

I think the most ubiquitous MN tropes for me are:

religious adherence to White Everything (towels, babygros, sheets, loo roll);

any post about food being swarmed by orthorexic ghouls wittering about portion sizes and not being able to "manage" a second sausage;

perfectly nice and articulate women putting up with the most appalling slovenly, selfish and hurtful behaviour from men who aren't fit to clean their shoes;

ableism, unfortunately, often rooted in jealousy at the perceived unfairness of benefits, sick pay, reasonable adjustments at work and school... and it is getting worse.

Cyclists, no one wants to admit to being married to a man dons Lycra and acts as if he owns the roads.

Everyone suggests that a woman should LTB after something very minor.

Everything being blamed on undiagnosed ND, especially when it comes to a husband acting like a knob.

fucking RG uni's

Oh, and irrational hatred of dogs. And how the dog haters seem to be obsessed with dog arseholes... "I hate being in a restaurant that allows dogs, and I can see dog bum holes whilst I eat".

Competitive undereating

I simply couldn't manage more than a sliver of ham and one grape for lunch and that one grape is too much sugar and I feel guilty!

Eating McDonalds being treated on a par with eating out of bins

'Don't get me wrong, he's an amazing Dad, he just sometimes tells me I'm a stupid dickhead and leaves for 6 days at a time. AIBU?'

We’ve lost sight of what a healthy weight is, OP.

Every child is 'beautiful' first then 'bright'

Someone posts that they are struggling with the cost of living.... "have you tried moving to somewhere cheaper?", when OP is in a grim bedsit in the middle of junkie land.

A whole cast of miscreants and ne'er do wells, that includes: An 'older lady' of 60 who barges you rudely out of the way. A colleague who only ever eats half a doughnut just to make you feel greedy. A MiL who kisses your baby without permission. A child who's so bright their teacher can't cope and so hates them. An attractive 20 year old colleague who is making a play for a 55 year old DH. A selfish boomer, a dog in a cafe and a fat person on a plane.

Spelling mistakes and poor grammar, someone having a dig about it and then derailing the thread.

“Grandparents who don’t look after their grandchildren “

I think there’s a new thread on this every week.

People whose kids don't eat chicken nuggets. And on the healthy packed lunch threads you'll guarantee someone will point out the sugar content of fruit.

Everything wrong with the world is the fault of parents whilst also being the fault of the child less/free.

A utterly batshit, thread derailing argument over a totally innocuous comment.

The same advice or statement being repeated 98 million times.

Lidl and Aldi are basically trying to poison us and must be avoided at all costs.

Oh and if you spell or punctuate something wrong you'll get chased off by an angry mob with pitchforks. Which certainly keeps this dyslexic twit on their toes 😂.

If your neighbours are getting on your nerves, it is just move to a detached house then!

Same if you live in a two bed flat and need more space, "can't you just move to a house".

Benefit bashers
Lots of jealousy about council houses

I only drink half a thimble of sherry every other Christmas and anyone who drinks more than that is an unreconstructed alcoholic.

”How often do you have a takeaway?”

”oh, probably three times a year maximum”

”hmm, usually on Christmas Eve, but never any other time. Chinese is £30 for four people now!”

”I haven’t had one since 2014.”