Things you’re guaranteed to find on mumsnet

[Kibble29]

I think there have been lots of serious topics on MN recently, particularly in relation to benefits, people allegedly faking mental health issues to get out of work etc.

So, in the spirit of some lightheartedness that we can all identify with, tell me some generic things you are guaranteed to find on MN.

For me, it’s in the Style & Beauty section.

A person will post and ask for recommendations for comfy joggers to wear when they WFH with no visitors or Teams calls. I think the average human would expect that people will link them to Next, H&M etc.

Instead, because it’s MN, they get “oh I love these ones. They’ve got a bit of a homeless vibe about them and obviously you wouldn’t wear them outdoors, but they’re sooo comfy and perfect for home!”

Then a link for an obscure company selling loungewear for £187 per item.

“Latymer v Herriot School of Excellence?”

Yes, but often that is because that very minor is an indication of the very major. We can all see it as a collective because we have been through it previously.

Never understood this. I do have a downstairs loo. Any visitor is welcome to use it. We all need to go!

Half a thimble? You lush! Most civilised people have one drop from a pipette every 5 years and find that's quite sufficient.

Or dementia - kicking in at around the same age as menopause.

People on threads to support each other solely listing DC’s incredible 12x grade 9 / grade 8 in múltiple instruments/ national level cross country

I don’t like when we’re told to “think” things because something is too outing.

“DH is a high earner, think £500K plus bonuses per year”

”DD does a hobby at county level where she needs expensive kit, think hockey or fencing”

”My DS is studying a niche degree, think biomedical English literature or computer physiotherapy”

Just say it.

I have bad anxiety
How old are you?
21
It is perimenopause

Sorry but I do only have takeaway about 3 times a year!

I don't like quoting an OP, but wasn't there a recent thread saying stop hammering the S&B board because of shit narratives like the one you've just posted.

Is that where you got the idea?

Nope, didn’t see that thread, but I’ll search for it now.

It’s not that deep. Chill.

Posters who can’t comprehend that some people don’t drive, don’t want to drive and have no interest in driving.

OP " I've got 20£ to feed my ND child for the week and one of his safe foods is mcdonalds chicken nuggets can anyone suggest the closest shop bought alternative?"

Within the first page of responses ill guarantee youll read "Go to an Asian supermarket and buy a big bag of lentils"

Yep absolutely, little Johnny won't be able to tell the difference, no not at all 🙄

People have teens who eat loads (e.g. three bowls of cereal after a roast lunch) but are super skinny

And whose family can’t afford two cars

@JanglingJack The one I saw most recently was asking people not to go onto a S&B thread about choosing a handbag and reply about children dying in the Middle East and posters should have better priorities. Which is also extremely MN!

Bonkers SILs
Neighbours who park their cars on a poster’s doormat
Cats who regularly haul an entire Waitrose shop or a dead bull through their cat flap

Mandatory reading for every mumsnetter:
Lundy Bancroft Why Does He Do That?
Gavin de Becker The Gift of Fear
These authors must have made a fortune through mumsnetters recommendations!
Also must read that article about the bloke who got divorced because he left a cup in the sink or some such nonsense

Hi, just wondering if anyone who's been to Paris recently can recommend anywhere for cocktails?

First reply - don't know, never been

You forgot to mention the poster who always pops up just to say that takeaways are awful and the food they cook is far superior, and so they never get a takeaway. They often invoke their husband and children who agree wholeheartedly that mum’s cooking is much better than any takeaway.

Bonus points if they manage to shoehorn in that they always cook ‘from scratch’.

A&E, NOW!

In my local shop today a man tipped a can of tomato soup all over a 93 year old nun, stole an envelope of money she'd collected for abandoned kittens and spent it on disposable vapes. Everyone in the queue just stood there. So I said loudly "Did you mean to be so rude?" He looked throughly shame faced, the nun cried with gratitude and I got a standing ovation from the queue. But I'm worried now, was I in the wrong to defend a 93 year old nun? I feel awful, but I just saw red.

Or POLICE NOW

People piling places.

“On a Sunday we all pile into the Mondeo and go to a National Trust site”

Or at least log it with 111.