Do you get chatted up in RL?

[sepp]

How common is it for women to be chatted up in RL?

Even when I was younger it only happened very rarely. Apart from drunken snogging in dodgy clubs, I can probably list all the times a man has approached me without having had any previous interaction with the intention of asking me out.

I'm older now so it doesn't happen in RL. It happens all the time online but that's another story, and it's meaningless.

So it just got me wondering.

Exactly this. But it seems women are expected to coyly "not notice" these glaring signs, despite watching the same situation replay over and over again for years.

I have an 18 year old cat. Whenever she's hungry she does a very particular performance. Just as I know her "Feed me, human!" performance off by heart, I know a man's chatting up performance. Pretending I don't would just be bloody ridiculous. What's the point?!

Yes and more so as I get older, both men and women. It's always happened but think its a combo of confidence, finding my look and giving out better vibes.

Well quite. But the chatting up had been ongoing for some months before going full throttle like that. And you try and ignore, and doubt yourself and think well maybe he’s just being friendly and I’m being big headed. And then they go and prove it

. I’ve had 3x “admirers” in the last 2 years. One of which was pretty much stalking me to the extent he got a job at a cafe I go to most weekends and got the sack for just standing by my table talking to me and not working when I was there. Then he rocked up as a cleaner at the gym I go to and would trail me round the gym. Then I saw him a few times walking past my house. I mean we do live in the same big village but he has no reason to be in my road. He’d stand opposite my house staring at it. And send me messages saying he thought I was sexy. He started off seeming like a nice friendly guy but escalated.

im sure some people would think I was being big headed thinking I had 3 guys showing an interest in 2 years but I’m confident in my ability to interpret their behaviour.

Hah! I wish! Only ever got chatted up a couple of times in my youth, and not at all since then. I’d like to think I wasn’t that unattractive, but the evidence suggests otherwise. Haven’t had someone hit on me since, hmm, ex about 20 years ago I think? I definitely am ugly now though.

Why the shock? Why wouldn't someone find you attractive?

@Franjipanl8r It does happen all the time, I'm out and about a lot though. We are not narcs to state facts.

OMG!

In my teens and 20s lots, I'm 45 now and haven't for a very long time !

When I was younger & prettier I did. It was lost on me because I had (still have) low self esteem and intense shyness. I never get hit on now.

But you have been. And if you are not out it can be difficult to chat you up.

Yes prior to having my little boy a year and a half ago it used to happen pretty regularly, now he's always with me and I have a six month pregnant belly it doesn't really happen anymore funnily enough 😀

Nope, barely ever. A few times in my whole life.

@Ph3 Exactly, you have to be out and about. And how is getting chatted up only on MN? It's real life! My mum was still getting chatted up in her 70s

Yes all the time when younger, it's really alarming when you become in your fifties and suddenly invisible. Fickle men 😂

That must be really weird - I’ve never really had it so nothing has changed… I do see changes in the mirror mind you!

Not for a lot of people. My mum and ex MIL were getting chatted up in their 70s.
Do you think men above 50 don't chat people up anymore? I know a lot do calm down but many still want relationships.

I agree! I am in my early 60s and get more male attention now than when I was younger. But it is not disrespectful-men are much more aware now of the need to avoid being seen as predatory, so if I don’t show interest they don’t persist.

Sounds good to me. Personally, l prefer to be chatted up rather than meet someone on line. At least you know what they really look and sound like.

@ThymeScent Yes it's also got more frequent for me in my mid 40s, men from very young, my age, and a lot older. I just don't get the weird pervs who only like young ones anymore but they always creeped me out anyway.
I have the confidence now to flirt with the ones I like and steer away the ones who I don't.
I don't understand all these women who feel shit about themselves at this age, I thought we all got that inner "fuck it" attitude in our 40s.

I think for attractive women that is very much the case, @Disturbia81, but for those of us who have never been particularly attractive, and are now effectively invisible, it can knock one’s confidence. In addition I am pretty confident in a lot of ways, but regularly (for example) being sent flying because people haven’t registered my walking stick, and barge into me, has made me quite fearful when I’m out and about. My balance is poor and something that would just annoy someone able bodied and maybe make them stumble for a moment, can leave me measuring my length on the floor. Things like that, never being chatted up, being asked if I want the ‘pensioner discount’ (I’m pushing 50 not 70!), have left me feeling pretty rubbish about myself.

I'm sorry you've had that experience, people can be really shit sometimes

@AllTheChaos its awful how selfish people are. I’m sorry to hear of your experiences. It’s not quite the same, but I’m finding being out and about much more difficult these days due to the fact that there is so much noise - often Muzak in eg airports and shopping centre which then competes with people playing their phones out loud, causing my brain to explode… - and then the much brighter lighting nowadays everywhere, being forced to walk through the perfume section to get to the gate at the airport etc - it’s a sensory nightmare! I’ve been met with a very rude response at times from men when asking them politely to turn off eg videos or music - I’m not sure if a younger me would have got quite as aggressive a response. It’s the Karen thing that has given people permission to be nasty to our age group I think. Basic decency would be nice, wouldn’t it?!

I always got chatted up, pretty much all my life and I hated it (20s, 30s and 40s). Last year I lost my looks due to cancer treatment (bald and weight gain) and became pretty much invisible to men, it was a relief tbh. Now I'm fit again and my hair's growing back, I welcome the odd compliment and flirty exchange.... shallow I know 😉

Yes,
more so as I've got older.
When I became single in early 50s it went a bit mental, I'm no great looker, however I have a default setting of talking to people like I've known them forever which can give the impression of being a come-on in response to chat.
It's got me into interesting situations^ a couple of great snogs* and two fairly light hearted relationships.

^The stalker. Less said the better. And the serial shagger who insists that one day I'll come crawling back begging him, which will be roughly at the heat death of the Universe, the odious little farticule.

*yes. I have the mental age of a teenager.

I used to when I was young and slim!