Do you get chatted up in RL?

[sepp]

How common is it for women to be chatted up in RL?

Even when I was younger it only happened very rarely. Apart from drunken snogging in dodgy clubs, I can probably list all the times a man has approached me without having had any previous interaction with the intention of asking me out.

I'm older now so it doesn't happen in RL. It happens all the time online but that's another story, and it's meaningless.

So it just got me wondering.

Yep, l’m in my 40s and it’s usually 20 somethings!

I've never been very approachable

Yes most recently by a young man working in Costa who 'upgraded' my order and also a guy who was 37 - I'm 51!!

What "attributes" do all of you who get chatted up frequently have that make you so approachable?

I have been invisible for years. 5'7" glasses wearer and flat chested.

A guy I used to work with said it’s because I’m very smiley and friendly. He said he thought for ages I fancied him as I really smiled at him every time I passed him in the corridor 🤷‍♀️. Apparently he told the other guys he thought I had the hots for him and they all told him I was like that with everyone!

Not since about 2009, although I did have a random bloke in Starbucks tell me I 'looked really sexy' which I took as inappropriate and felt quite intimidated so told him to f off.

I'm nudging 50 and married so I probably give off 'stay away' vibes to most men well that's what I tell myself as it's better than saying I'm past it.

Perhaps it’s demeanour as I’m a smiley sort of person too. For the person asking about the supermarket, a few weeks ago I was in Sainsbury’s walking up an aisle looking for something (and also smiling at the time - I do that a lot when I’m thinking about something in my head as I’m wandering around). Anyway I looked down the aisle and there was a man who caught my eye, like happened to be looking in my direction as I was scouring the shelves. A brief one second catch of the eye and he smiled at me. Maybe he thought I was smiling at him?! Who knows. I continued with my shop. A short while late and a few aisles down, he came up behind me and put his hand on my arm. I turned and he smiled at me again and said something along the lines of “can I just say I think you’re really beautiful”. He also asked if I was single and I laughed a little, thanked him for the compliment and told him I was married. He laughed a little nervously too, wished me a good day and left quite quickly. Maybe it’s the resting bitch face/ smiley thing??

Those who’ve never had random men chat to you in public have obviously never spent any time in Glasgow!

I was with DH when we stayed in Glasgow.

When I am out and about I tend to walk with purpose and not catch any glances from other people. I must just look unapproachable.

Not for ages, but I used to work in a shop that was opposite a factory and a popular pub. Men were our most frequent customers.
You’d get chatty with the regulars and they’d see it as a come on.
All of the women working there got chatted up on a daily basis.

I joke that if I ever divorced I’d go back to working there just to pull.

When I was younger I’ll have to be honest and say it was the way I looked. Tall, slim and not bad looking. Now I’d say still tall, more of an hourglass figure and have been told I don’t look my age. I am in trainers and leggings a lot of the time so nothing to do with how I dress. But I also don’t walk about with resting bitch face. Happily married and more smiley so maybe seem more approachable?

Like others have said, being friendly. Smiley helps too, but subtle not manic. Thankfully I have never suffered from resting bitch face.

BTW I am an inch shorter and also wear glasses. I don’t wear makeup. I’ve never been invisible.

I don't really know. I was very attractive when I was young. I'm told I don't look my age at 64. DH has always made comments if we are going out that I'll be schmoozing with my boyfriends.

It's most likely that I've never actually been after male attention combined with being smiley, approachable and having small talk. I'm always asked for directions as well. Even by the French in France.

5'6" blonde, just inside a normal BMI, have worn glasses rather than contacts since I was late 40s. I am generous of nork though - just because you mentioned it

No, not even when I was younger. The only attention I received from male strangers was insults because I was ugly; I still am but now I am middle aged I am thankfully invisible.

I think some people definitely give off don’t talk vibes. But it sounds as if some of the time, it isn’t very clear as pps have had to have their friends alert them to the romantic / sexual aspect ie there isn’t an overt “asking out“ … in which case you’d never know for sure, would you? Unless you take the view that men chatting are always “interested” in that way… fascinating discussion.

‘Previously posted briefly up thread. I wear glasses and in my 40s but it’s the 20 somethings that home in on me. It has never really been a problem though in public places and daylight. only on one occasion has someone got pushy. But yes, that’s one occasion too many.

One man literally stalked me round a supermarket staring at me and eventually approached me for my number. I was initially creeped out by the stalking but he was conventionally attractive so I gave him my number. He indeed turned out to be a weirdo that would happen to show up at the supermarket at the same time as me for weeks on end after I blocked him and follow me round, or wait by my car. It turned out we worked for the same employer so I ended up reporting his behaviour and never saw him again. This is why I started shopping online.

Another man wandered past me at the self check out and stole my basket and ran off with it while I was mid scan. He came back and claimed it was a case of mistaken identity as he was "sure he knew me from somewhere". Shortly followed by asking where my partner was, and on hearing I was single, asking for my number and if he could take me out.

Supermarkets are prime scouting grounds 😂

Yes, I’m middle aged with pretty face and curvy body. Short and look younger. I get chatted up often by random people, so my default facial impression is resting bitch face/ do not approach me and I often wear buggy clothes to hide curves. I feel that because I’m short, men think that I’m an easy target to be aggressive to. I only smile to women, children and dogs when I’m out and about, never to men.

No, thank god. Though I’m married (with an obvious wedding ring) and I don’t come across as friendly at all. 😂 I don’t think I generally attract small talk from anyone.

For a brief period in my 20s when I was attractive and friendly. But since then I have become increasingly fat and unfriendly. Now in my 50s I am generally pretty scary with a resting bitch face, so no chatting up, down or sideways. 😂

@RampantIvy DH says I have a friendly cheeky face, the corners of my mouth have a natural upturn. I am complimented especially by women on my skin tone, sort of a pale olive tone. Slim but hourglass figure. Been told I’m pretty all my life. Last time was 2 weeks ago when an elderly chap said he had to open the door for such an attractive woman. I’m mixed race, Chinese and white and do look younger than I am, I look very Chinese for a half mix, the classic Asian don’t raisin. There is a bit of a joke about Asian women ageing that they are all cute and Hello Kitty and then age overnight to looking like something that’s been around for a thousand years. So I await my fate.

Well surely there's a difference between small talk and actually flirting/getting asked out. A lot of these interactions posters are mentioning just sound like general chit chat to me.

Do I have lots of random conversations with both men and women? Yes. Do I get asked out by randoms on the street? No.

I met an old friend from uni at a reunion and he chatted me up for months. I actually had no idea that’s what he was doing, I thought h was a friend happy to reconnect. He was married and wanted me to be a fwb. I said no thanks and now he’s disappeared. I’m very disappointed and feel very sorry for his wife.

Am l the only one who, providing it is done politely and pleasantly (l’m not talking about stalking or objectionable comments) sees this as a harmless bit of fun? We are not talking about “Me Too” type situations.

Happened occasionally when I was younger, very rarely now I’m mid 30s. I’m neither incredibly attractive or unattractive.

I definitely have RBF though, and walk ridiculously fast everywhere. I imagine I give off a very strong “fuck off” air.