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Original poster

trying to evict adult stepchild

806 replies

DionneEz · 01/03/2025 22:33

This is my dilemma. The property is a marital home with my husband from whom I am now separated.

Before the separation, his adult son (21) was living with us. My husband has now left the property but insists that his adult son remain with me. This has been nearly 2 years.

At first I was accommodating, as my husband still pays half the mortgage, I pay all of the bills.

The stepson living here was not an issue at first, but now I can no longer cope as he basically stays indoors on his phone all day. The only time he comes out of his room is to collect his Ubereats.

I asked him about getting a job and contributing something financially towards the bills and I was given a story about how he was freelancing from home...and that his pay was intermittent.
However, I see the receipts for his Ubereats orders and they amount to about £20 daily, which is about £500 a month. When he does leave the house, he takes a £7 cab to the station when he can get the bus, which costs £2 or even walk as it is only 10 mins away...so clearly he has funds to splurge but he doesn't feel he has to contribute to the running of the house since his father owns half.

So the scenario is that I have a nearly 22-year-old man 24/7 in my house who refuses to lift a finger to do anything in terms of chores and doesn't contribute financially. I recently had to stop him using my toothpaste and bath soap because I was like you can buy your own surely.
I do go into the office 3 times a week and have errands and stuff to run on weekends but will come back to clean my house as this guy does absolutely nothing. When I was on hols for 3 weeks, he didn't even take the bins out. Yet his father insists that as he owns the house as well., he has every right to dictate who lives there. Is this true?

Anyway, I have given stepson notice even though he is not a tenant. The notice has now passed but he is still here and has no intention of leaving. I know the next step is to change the locks when he leaves which is rare but can his father come and let him in again and will I be breaking any laws if I lock the father out as well? Father doesn't live there and does not pay any bills..just half the mortgage but as the resident homeowner shouldn't my rights surpass his?

OP posts:
RawBloomers · 02/03/2025 00:32

DionneEz · 02/03/2025 00:30

Even before I disclosed DV, I have never heard of an ex-husband who chose to leave the marital home charging the ex-wife rent in the UK.

That was ridiculous, and lo and behold, reading through the link sent, it is only in rare cases when the husband can charge his ex-partner and co-owner rent and that is if he has been excluded from the home. So bearing in mind that I never mentioned that I had excluded my ex from the home and that I was just talking about his son, I don't know why occupational rent was brought up.

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Excluding his son from the property is legally the same as excluding him if the son has his permission to use the property. Excluding isn’t just about keeping your Ex physically out of the property, it’s about stopping him from using it as though he owns it. Someone who owns a property can have guests stay in it.

MagentaRocks · 02/03/2025 00:33

DionneEz · 02/03/2025 00:30

Even before I disclosed DV, I have never heard of an ex-husband who chose to leave the marital home charging the ex-wife rent in the UK.

That was ridiculous, and lo and behold, reading through the link sent, it is only in rare cases when the husband can charge his ex-partner and co-owner rent and that is if he has been excluded from the home. So bearing in mind that I never mentioned that I had excluded my ex from the home and that I was just talking about his son, I don't know why occupational rent was brought up.

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You are asking strangers on the Internet who will have different understanding on the law. Just see a solicitor.

CrispieCake · 02/03/2025 00:35

Can you invite guests of your own to stay, OP? Personally, I'd be tempted to let the remaining bedrooms to lodgers, arse off and let SS deal with them and rent a peaceful 1-bed on my own.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families Family law Relationship problems
Original poster
DionneEz · 02/03/2025 00:36

OkayLetMeKnowHowItGoes · 02/03/2025 00:28

Which human right specifically is this a breach of?

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Right to Peaceful Enjoyment of Property (Article 1, Protocol 1, European Convention on Human Rights - ECHR)
Right to Respect for Private and Family Life, Home and Correspondence (Article 8, ECHR)

At the moment I do not have peaceful enjoyment of the property I work hard to pay for and maintain because there is a person living here against my will and without my consent.

OP posts:
Velmy · 02/03/2025 00:39

DionneEz · 02/03/2025 00:36

Right to Peaceful Enjoyment of Property (Article 1, Protocol 1, European Convention on Human Rights - ECHR)
Right to Respect for Private and Family Life, Home and Correspondence (Article 8, ECHR)

At the moment I do not have peaceful enjoyment of the property I work hard to pay for and maintain because there is a person living here against my will and without my consent.

Edited
Show quote history

You should take this straight to Brussels!!

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 02/03/2025 00:39

DionneEz · 02/03/2025 00:13

I am not disputing ownership so how is this a property dispute?

I am disputing who has the right to live in the home I pay for. It is a breach of human right if I who has home rights in the marital home does not consent to my husband's adult son who is technically a guest in my home.

Show quote history
  1. Human rights refer to the rights afforded to you by the State. They don't cover disputes between individuals unless the State should have intervened and didn't.
  2. Pretending for the moment that human rights did apply to a property dispute between two owners, where in the human rights act does it let you deny your husband the right to decide who can be a lodger in the house he co-owns? I'll wait for you to read it and respond. He has the right not to be deprived of his possessions, which means he can permit his son to use his possessions as his guest.
thrifty24 · 02/03/2025 00:40

You are very naive. Lots of good advice, legally and accurately yet your responses are full of misinformation and attempts at detracting from your problem, for example, the guy uses a lot of electricity, plays video games. News flash, this doesn't have anything to do with the problem you have at hand. Also you can't move any old randomer into your other property, I'm surprised you don't know this already and quite frankly if I was your tenant I would be rather alarmed that you think you can move any old todger in with consent.

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 02/03/2025 00:41

DionneEz · 02/03/2025 00:36

Right to Peaceful Enjoyment of Property (Article 1, Protocol 1, European Convention on Human Rights - ECHR)
Right to Respect for Private and Family Life, Home and Correspondence (Article 8, ECHR)

At the moment I do not have peaceful enjoyment of the property I work hard to pay for and maintain because there is a person living here against my will and without my consent.

Edited
Show quote history

I say again: your husband has the right not to be deprived of his possessions, which means he can permit his son to use his possessions as his guest.

Buy him out. And stop being silly with this "human rights" guff. It's folk like you who give human rights a bad name.

RawBloomers · 02/03/2025 00:41

DionneEz · 02/03/2025 00:36

Right to Peaceful Enjoyment of Property (Article 1, Protocol 1, European Convention on Human Rights - ECHR)
Right to Respect for Private and Family Life, Home and Correspondence (Article 8, ECHR)

At the moment I do not have peaceful enjoyment of the property I work hard to pay for and maintain because there is a person living here against my will and without my consent.

Edited
Show quote history

Unfortunately you won’t get anywhere with article 1. The wording sounds like a lovely promise but it doesn’t mean what the words mean in everyday life. Peaceful enjoyment of your property, legally, doesn’t mean that it’s peaceful to live there, only that the state won’t interfere with your use of your property for no good reason. If anything, Article 1 supports your ex using the home to house his son.

BruFord · 02/03/2025 00:43

I agree with others that you need to seek
proper legal advice on the house and also get your divorce moving. Your husband has been cunning delaying the divorce so he can dump his son on you, which is appalling. Unfortunately, his son is also taking advantage of you- you need both of them out of your life. 💐

Re. The bills. Change the WiFi password, leave the bare minimum in the fridge, I’m not sure whether you can disable anything else that he uses-maybe other posters have suggestions?

OkayLetMeKnowHowItGoes · 02/03/2025 00:43

DionneEz · 02/03/2025 00:36

Right to Peaceful Enjoyment of Property (Article 1, Protocol 1, European Convention on Human Rights - ECHR)
Right to Respect for Private and Family Life, Home and Correspondence (Article 8, ECHR)

At the moment I do not have peaceful enjoyment of the property I work hard to pay for and maintain because there is a person living here against my will and without my consent.

Edited
Show quote history

A1P1 is regarding state interference, and A8 is “without government interference”.

So no, your human rights aren’t being breached.

RawBloomers · 02/03/2025 00:46

Article 8 is also not useful to you. The ECHR is almost entirely about what the state is forbidden from doing and has little bearing on what private individuals are allowed to do to others.

Article 8 stops the state from interfering in your private life without good reason. It isn’t something that your ex or his son have to adhere to. The police and the courts cannot require your ex or his son to do anything because of Article 8.

Original poster
DionneEz · 02/03/2025 00:46

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 02/03/2025 00:39

  1. Human rights refer to the rights afforded to you by the State. They don't cover disputes between individuals unless the State should have intervened and didn't.
  2. Pretending for the moment that human rights did apply to a property dispute between two owners, where in the human rights act does it let you deny your husband the right to decide who can be a lodger in the house he co-owns? I'll wait for you to read it and respond. He has the right not to be deprived of his possessions, which means he can permit his son to use his possessions as his guest.
Show quote history

Right to Peaceful Enjoyment of Property (Article 1, Protocol 1, European Convention on Human Rights - ECHR)
Right to Respect for Private and Family Life, Home and Correspondence (Article 8, ECHR)

TOLATA (Trusts of Land and Appointment of Trustees Act 1996), which governs co-ownership. Under Section 12, both owners have the right to occupy, but under Section 13, the court can regulate occupation to ensure fairness. One co-owner cannot unilaterally impose a lodger or guest on the other, especially when they don’t live there.

OP posts:
selffellatingouroborosofhate · 02/03/2025 00:46

OkayLetMeKnowHowItGoes · 02/03/2025 00:43

A1P1 is regarding state interference, and A8 is “without government interference”.

So no, your human rights aren’t being breached.

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I'm so glad that you and @RawBloomers understand this.

BruFord · 02/03/2025 00:47

A WiFi thermostat would enable you to turn down the heating when you’re not in the house…just a thought!

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 02/03/2025 00:49

DionneEz · 02/03/2025 00:46

Right to Peaceful Enjoyment of Property (Article 1, Protocol 1, European Convention on Human Rights - ECHR)
Right to Respect for Private and Family Life, Home and Correspondence (Article 8, ECHR)

TOLATA (Trusts of Land and Appointment of Trustees Act 1996), which governs co-ownership. Under Section 12, both owners have the right to occupy, but under Section 13, the court can regulate occupation to ensure fairness. One co-owner cannot unilaterally impose a lodger or guest on the other, especially when they don’t live there.

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You can pursue that "TOLATA" thing then. I recall from another thread that family law solicitors who cover TOLATA are hard to find, apparently because it's a complex area of law that's usually handled by company law solicitors because co-ownership disputes are more common in company law.

You may find it easier just to buy him out. Again, take professional legal advice.

It's still not a human rights issue because the Govt isn't forcing SS to live with you. Human rights refers to how the State interacts with the citizens, not to how the citizens interact with each other.

WillIEverBeOk · 02/03/2025 00:49

DionneEz · 02/03/2025 00:15

I have given him notice, and that expired yesterday. I will be calling the Citizens advice bureau on Monday.

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Forget that. Just call the police! Them coming around may just give him the 'shock' that is needed, even if they don't do anything there and then.

RawBloomers · 02/03/2025 00:49

There are ways to get control of your home and kick the layabout out. Talk to a lawyer about the best way for you given all your circumstances. But it will require legally removing your Ex’s ownership or is right to use the property, one way or another, and then excluding his son. You aren’t going to be able to legally demand that the son leave if your ex is adamant that he stays until you remove your ex’s rights to use the property.

Original poster
DionneEz · 02/03/2025 00:50

RawBloomers · 02/03/2025 00:46

Article 8 is also not useful to you. The ECHR is almost entirely about what the state is forbidden from doing and has little bearing on what private individuals are allowed to do to others.

Article 8 stops the state from interfering in your private life without good reason. It isn’t something that your ex or his son have to adhere to. The police and the courts cannot require your ex or his son to do anything because of Article 8.

Article 8 should apply in property disputes where someone is being forced into a living situation against their will, especially when there has been domestic abuse or coercive control. I think part of the reason why ex wants his son here is to do with control.

OP posts:
WilfredsPies · 02/03/2025 00:50

My human rights are an issue here because how is my ex-husband allowed to dictate who lives in the marital home with his ex-wife when he himself does not live there and does not foot any bills except the mortgage he is obligated to pay

Your human rights are absolutely not an issue here. Which human right do you think you have that takes precedence over law? Right to a private life? Definitely not. Article 8 is a Qualified right, which means it can be interfered with to protect someone else’s legal rights to a property they are a partial owner of. You can’t just shout ‘Human Rights’ whenever someone does something you don’t like.

It has been two years now. Did you think he was just going to pay half the mortgage forever? What would you do if he decides to be bloody minded and move back in tomorrow? Pay for some proper legal advice and either buy him out or sell up.

Nanny0gg · 02/03/2025 00:51

DionneEz · 01/03/2025 23:37

I pay the mortage in my buy to let property. Do I have the right to impose a resident on the tenants without their consent because I own the property?

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He doesn't have to pay half the mortgage, he can force a sale

You should have seen a solicitor ages ago, so go now

There's no point in arguing - your ex probably looks at paying half the mortgage as rent for his son.

You need to buy him out. Start getting valuations

Nanny0gg · 02/03/2025 00:52

DionneEz · 01/03/2025 23:53

For a marital home?
In any case I can pay the full mortgage.

I own 60% of the property. I paid for all the furnishings plus the new kitchen.
Plus, I made contributions to the marriage and to his kids over the 15 years we were together, and this allowed him to even save for his deposit to put towards the property.

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So buy him out already!!

RadioWhatsNew · 02/03/2025 00:52

I'm beginning to understand how the OP has gotten herself into this mess. Flogging a dead horse comes to mind

StrikeAlways · 02/03/2025 00:52

DionneEz · 01/03/2025 23:37

I pay the mortage in my buy to let property. Do I have the right to impose a resident on the tenants without their consent because I own the property?

Show quote history

A tenant pays rent. You are not a tenant and you do not pay rent. You simply share mortgage payments with the other owner of your house. You came here to ask a question, but you have a fixed view on this, so what was the point in asking? 🤷‍♀️

BruFord · 02/03/2025 00:54

RawBloomers · 02/03/2025 00:49

There are ways to get control of your home and kick the layabout out. Talk to a lawyer about the best way for you given all your circumstances. But it will require legally removing your Ex’s ownership or is right to use the property, one way or another, and then excluding his son. You aren’t going to be able to legally demand that the son leave if your ex is adamant that he stays until you remove your ex’s rights to use the property.

Exactly @RawBloomers it sounds like her husband is deliberately delaying the divorce so that he can keep his son in the house,