trying to evict adult stepchild

[DionneEz]

This is my dilemma. The property is a marital home with my husband from whom I am now separated.

Before the separation, his adult son (21) was living with us. My husband has now left the property but insists that his adult son remain with me. This has been nearly 2 years.

At first I was accommodating, as my husband still pays half the mortgage, I pay all of the bills.

The stepson living here was not an issue at first, but now I can no longer cope as he basically stays indoors on his phone all day. The only time he comes out of his room is to collect his Ubereats.

I asked him about getting a job and contributing something financially towards the bills and I was given a story about how he was freelancing from home...and that his pay was intermittent.
However, I see the receipts for his Ubereats orders and they amount to about £20 daily, which is about £500 a month. When he does leave the house, he takes a £7 cab to the station when he can get the bus, which costs £2 or even walk as it is only 10 mins away...so clearly he has funds to splurge but he doesn't feel he has to contribute to the running of the house since his father owns half.

So the scenario is that I have a nearly 22-year-old man 24/7 in my house who refuses to lift a finger to do anything in terms of chores and doesn't contribute financially. I recently had to stop him using my toothpaste and bath soap because I was like you can buy your own surely.
I do go into the office 3 times a week and have errands and stuff to run on weekends but will come back to clean my house as this guy does absolutely nothing. When I was on hols for 3 weeks, he didn't even take the bins out. Yet his father insists that as he owns the house as well., he has every right to dictate who lives there. Is this true?

Anyway, I have given stepson notice even though he is not a tenant. The notice has now passed but he is still here and has no intention of leaving. I know the next step is to change the locks when he leaves which is rare but can his father come and let him in again and will I be breaking any laws if I lock the father out as well? Father doesn't live there and does not pay any bills..just half the mortgage but as the resident homeowner shouldn't my rights surpass his?

Chase up divorce
Buy ex out
Ss out

You need to, as a priority, disentangle yourself from your husband. Get some legal advice to get the divorce rolling, or at least something related to sorting the property situation.

If you don't want to be paying for the son, you could do things like make sure he doesn't have passwords to things like the wifi, streaming services, etc, since he doesn't contribute towards them. I wouldn't stop him accessing things like water and power though. I'd be more concerned with disentangling from the husband though. Then you can move on from the son, if you actually want to.

Yes, one way to gain control is to apply for an occupation order from the court which will remove your ex’s rights to some extent. This may be the best way, but since it still leaves your ex with ownership and whatever rights aren’t removed by the order, it may not be. Since it will be excluding your DH to some extent you may then be required to pay him rent (e.g. by taking on the full mortgage while he retains his percentage ownership of the equity). Hence the advice to see a lawyer and consider your options.

Oh my word this is infuriating! You're not taking any of what people are saying on board and just arguing with people! Why post with this attitude?!

Just buy him out.

As for this being a breach of your human rights, are you having a feckin' laugh?!

OP you are not listening.

Yes it's unfair.
Yes it's horrible for you.
Yes your nearly ex is deliberately making you unhappy when he wouldn't have his son himself.
Therefore yes he's still being abusive.

But..

He is paying half the mortgage and is part owner of the property. He has the law on his side.

You only have two choices. You buy him out or you sell up. If you're determined to cling on to your 2% mortgage and him paying half you are also stuck with the son.

Human rights are about action of the state, not individuals. Your comparison with your buy to let tenant is false. They are paying you rent and have legal protections, so no you can't put anyone you like in there to live with them.

It may be hell having the son there, but if you don't want to live with him, you only have the options of buying ex out or selling up. Nobody on MN can give you any other way out.

Cool..but I was asked what human rights of mine were breached and I mentioned article 8. Whether it applies to state sanctioned actions or not, it is stil a breach of my human rights to be forced to live with someone without my consent.

Op, When doing my degree I used to volunteer for a charity that was based inside the family/county court for people who couldn’t afford legal assistance, I would see if you have one in your area, most even offer telephone/zoom meetings and are much more knowledgeable than citizens advice on this subject. I’m very sleep deprived (new baby) however it’s my thinking that as he left the marital home two years ago changing the locks for your safety (especially bring the dv into the situation) would be acceptable, especially if he wanted access to the property you agreed to let him gain it when needed. His son is not him I can’t fathom how he can decide he can live there when he himself is not present not withstanding the fact his son is not contributing to any bills incurred. You are the majority owner therefore that will go in your favour also. His son and him are separate entities the mortgage ownership lies with yourself and him, not his son. These are all points I would be making. You really do need to look into getting your financial arrangements order into place, and divorces can be very cost effective now you can do them online yourself, but at least getting that financial arrangements order into place will draw a line in the sand from any money earned from this point on the other not having an entitlement to, say you come into any inheritance if memory serves me well legally right now he would still be entitled to half.

Whether it applies to state sanctioned actions or not, it is stil a breach of my human rights

No, it's not a breach of your human rights. Only the State can breach your human rights.

No no no no
Adult son can go and live with daddy. He is NOT your responsibility. And by the way, where is his mother????

Change the WiFi password. Dad isn't paying the bills is he?

I am listening which is why I am responding.

Paying half the mortgage doesn’t give my ex the right to impose a resident on me against my will, especially when he doesn’t live here himself. I have as much right to say no as he has to say yes. Why should the law be on his side buy not me who pays all the bills and who is a resident homeowner? Especially as a victim of DV?

Buying him out will happen in due course but it will be a long drawn out process. In the meantime I shouldn't have to suffer in silence with a grown man lounging in my home doing nothing. It is a tinderbox situation waiting to happen.

Co-ownership means shared rights, not absolute control.

If he wants his son housed, he’s free to do it elsewhere.

It would be more appropriate for you to seek full legal advise in this matter. Rather than asking here.

God, your ex knows exactly what he is doing and is still exerting control by having his son live there. If it was me I would just sell up and get the hell away from them both. I can't see any other way out. Yes, you lose the favourable mortgage rate, but what price freedom? I could not have put up with what you have endured for a week, let alone two years (I think you said?)

Jeez, the stuff some MN's have to put up with.

If you applied for an occupation order, the law would almost certainly be on your side. People haven’t said you can’t get the son out. They’ve just said you need to take the right legal steps to do so. And that much of the legislation you’ve cited is not directly relevant to what you want you want to do and won’t help you.

Please stop talking about your human rights. You’ve been told (correctly) multiple times that human rights are simply not relevant in this situation. It’s embarrassing to keep on insisting that your human rights are being breached.

The best advice on here, suggested by multiple pp is CHANGE THE WIFI PASSWORD. Why haven't you done that?

You’ve just demonstrated the perfect example of how Google is not always your friend. Human rights do not work in the way you think they do. It is not a breach of your human rights to be forced to live with someone without your consent because a) nobody is forcing you to live there. You have the option of selling up or buying him out, and b) you do not own the entire property. He owns 40% and if he wants to move back in, he does not need your consent.

If he has been abusive, I’d consider myself lucky that I only needed to put up with his son, and I’d get a bloody move on in extracting myself from any shared ownership. What have you done in the last two years to get things moving?

Individuals can indreed breach your human rights, especially in cases where their actions result in a violation that the courts recognize. UK courts have used human right laws against landlords, employers, etc. and in some domestic violence cases in the past.

My right to a peaceful home life is a human right. My husband forcing his adult child to live with me is a breach of this.

Co-ownership gives your ex the right to impose a guest on you until you get a court order stopping him from doing so.

At the moment you both have the right to use the property equally. Section 13 of TOLATA gives a court the right to regulate occupation. It doesn’t give you that right.

This is why the best thing to do is buy him out and get the divorce finalised. XH cannot control OP once the financial settlement and decree absolute are finalised.

I feel sorry for the 21 year old! You've been in his life since he was 9 and his father doesn't want him either. He doesn't sound very capable.

Just call the police OP, and ignore all these idiots acting like you are wrong for not accepting an intruder in your house. Just....call....the....police tomorrow morning. And tell them there is an adult not on any deeds who has no legal right to stay who is refusing to go. Please ignore these idiots and just call the fucking police.

Wow. You are consistently ignoring advice. I’m starting to actually feel sorry for the stepson. Poor bloke is probably bankrupting himself ordering Uber Eats to eat in his bedroom to avoid bumping into you in the kitchen….

Poor bloke? Wtf is wrong with you? He is a cocklodger who refuses to pay for any bills or do any cleaning up or help or anything. Christ. Poor bloke? FMD!

Take it to court then, if you’re so sure you’re right and we’re all wrong. See how far you get.

I can tell you now, you won’t get anywhere because you have fundamentally misunderstood how human rights work when someone else owns 40% of your home.