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trying to evict adult stepchild

806 replies

DionneEz · 01/03/2025 22:33

This is my dilemma. The property is a marital home with my husband from whom I am now separated.

Before the separation, his adult son (21) was living with us. My husband has now left the property but insists that his adult son remain with me. This has been nearly 2 years.

At first I was accommodating, as my husband still pays half the mortgage, I pay all of the bills.

The stepson living here was not an issue at first, but now I can no longer cope as he basically stays indoors on his phone all day. The only time he comes out of his room is to collect his Ubereats.

I asked him about getting a job and contributing something financially towards the bills and I was given a story about how he was freelancing from home...and that his pay was intermittent.
However, I see the receipts for his Ubereats orders and they amount to about £20 daily, which is about £500 a month. When he does leave the house, he takes a £7 cab to the station when he can get the bus, which costs £2 or even walk as it is only 10 mins away...so clearly he has funds to splurge but he doesn't feel he has to contribute to the running of the house since his father owns half.

So the scenario is that I have a nearly 22-year-old man 24/7 in my house who refuses to lift a finger to do anything in terms of chores and doesn't contribute financially. I recently had to stop him using my toothpaste and bath soap because I was like you can buy your own surely.
I do go into the office 3 times a week and have errands and stuff to run on weekends but will come back to clean my house as this guy does absolutely nothing. When I was on hols for 3 weeks, he didn't even take the bins out. Yet his father insists that as he owns the house as well., he has every right to dictate who lives there. Is this true?

Anyway, I have given stepson notice even though he is not a tenant. The notice has now passed but he is still here and has no intention of leaving. I know the next step is to change the locks when he leaves which is rare but can his father come and let him in again and will I be breaking any laws if I lock the father out as well? Father doesn't live there and does not pay any bills..just half the mortgage but as the resident homeowner shouldn't my rights surpass his?

OP posts:
Resttime · 22/04/2025 10:46

anyolddinosaur · 22/04/2025 10:33

@Resttime Instead of being rude about OP you could just point out that she needs an occupation order and how to apply to the court for one against the about to be divorced husband. I hope you switched the cameras back on the moment he left, OP.

Could you point out where I have been rude to the OP? If you read the full thread, OP was advised of this over a month ago. She is well aware. I have empathy for her situation but she is going about this is the wrong way and actually well meaning posters advising her to change the locks, block exs access, tell ex to go away etc could actually put OP in more danger than OP choosing to take the correct legal route. If the occupation order was in place, the police would have removed the ex.

anyolddinosaur · 22/04/2025 10:58

"She wants to find a loophole in the divorce" is insulting. HTH

Resttime · 22/04/2025 11:08

I personally think it is helpful to OP to point this out, that if I see it this way, a judge deciding the settlement may too. Would it be better to lie and say 'I'm sure it'll all work out in the end hun xox' when you actually think she is messing things up for herself?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

DionneEz · 22/04/2025 11:50

Resttime · 22/04/2025 10:46

Could you point out where I have been rude to the OP? If you read the full thread, OP was advised of this over a month ago. She is well aware. I have empathy for her situation but she is going about this is the wrong way and actually well meaning posters advising her to change the locks, block exs access, tell ex to go away etc could actually put OP in more danger than OP choosing to take the correct legal route. If the occupation order was in place, the police would have removed the ex.

Edited

Actually I did apply for an occupation order for the son but the judge rejected it as they claimed he was not an ‘associative party’ as he is technically an unrelated adult in my home. Judge actually advised me to got fit a protection from harassment order which would have been long.
i wrote to me te judge again and he said they would consider my application with exclusion. The NMO has been granted so the hearing is just for the exclusion bit.

OP posts:
Resttime · 22/04/2025 12:02

DionneEz · 22/04/2025 11:50

Actually I did apply for an occupation order for the son but the judge rejected it as they claimed he was not an ‘associative party’ as he is technically an unrelated adult in my home. Judge actually advised me to got fit a protection from harassment order which would have been long.
i wrote to me te judge again and he said they would consider my application with exclusion. The NMO has been granted so the hearing is just for the exclusion bit.

An occupation order for your ex, not the SS.

DionneEz · 22/04/2025 12:21

Resttime · 22/04/2025 12:02

An occupation order for your ex, not the SS.

Yes… applied soon after he was put on police bail. However he went in there coughing and acting like he had done nothing wrong so the judge felt sorry for him and had a go at me. Even asked me if I had somewhere to go! In the end I withdrew my application and just allowed the NMO to be granted. His NMO has expired now.

OP posts:
Resttime · 22/04/2025 12:39

At the beginning of the thread you mentioned that he couldn't charge occupation rent as he has every right to be in the property, it is the SS that you had a problem with. You did not mention that you previously applied for an occupation order. You stated that you accepted your ex could access the property and that you do not want to sell currently due to interest rates. Now you call the police when your ex accesses the property.

Donsyb · 22/04/2025 14:24

DionneEz · 22/04/2025 12:21

Yes… applied soon after he was put on police bail. However he went in there coughing and acting like he had done nothing wrong so the judge felt sorry for him and had a go at me. Even asked me if I had somewhere to go! In the end I withdrew my application and just allowed the NMO to be granted. His NMO has expired now.

But wasn’t he arrested for domestic abuse? Did the judge not acknowledge that?

DionneEz · 22/04/2025 14:49

Donsyb · 22/04/2025 14:24

But wasn’t he arrested for domestic abuse? Did the judge not acknowledge that?

Exactly! He was arrested and was even on bail at the time, forbidden from coming in to the property.

in yesterday when the police attended, he put on a performance in front of the female officers saying that I filed the nmo on him for absolutely no reason, that I had mental issues and that was doing the same to his son. They lapped it up and whey they came to talk to me their tone had changed. He also lied and said he owned 100% of the property and paid the mortgage in full. His son was looking at him proudly saying “I didn’t know that!”
this is why I don’t have faith in any of these services at all.

OP posts:
DionneEz · 22/04/2025 14:56

Resttime · 22/04/2025 12:39

At the beginning of the thread you mentioned that he couldn't charge occupation rent as he has every right to be in the property, it is the SS that you had a problem with. You did not mention that you previously applied for an occupation order. You stated that you accepted your ex could access the property and that you do not want to sell currently due to interest rates. Now you call the police when your ex accesses the property.

Yes I applied soon after he was placed on bail for assault so if in the event the bail was lifted quickly the occupation order would still offer me protection from him. He was on bail for 5 months anyway so I needn’t have bothered with the occupation order. On that occasion, the judge did grant an ex-parte order on the basis of the bail but we had to have a hearing for the occupation part and that is when he put on his act.

I called the police this time because ex came there after his son had been served and proceeded to switch off my security cameras. I called and asked what he was doing and he responded angrily that about his son being taken to court. This was a clear breach of the order which forbade son from encouraging 3rd parties to harass or intimidate me in the home. Coming in a tampering with my security equipment was intimidation.

OP posts:
Donsyb · 22/04/2025 16:29

DionneEz · 22/04/2025 14:49

Exactly! He was arrested and was even on bail at the time, forbidden from coming in to the property.

in yesterday when the police attended, he put on a performance in front of the female officers saying that I filed the nmo on him for absolutely no reason, that I had mental issues and that was doing the same to his son. They lapped it up and whey they came to talk to me their tone had changed. He also lied and said he owned 100% of the property and paid the mortgage in full. His son was looking at him proudly saying “I didn’t know that!”
this is why I don’t have faith in any of these services at all.

But you can evidence that is false.

Your best way forward, as others have said, is to progress the divorce asap. The lawyer will
tell you what he’s entitled to by law (not what he thinks) and then you can sell the house and move on. In the meantime, keep documenting everything and calling the police.

DionneEz · 22/04/2025 16:55

Donsyb · 22/04/2025 16:29

But you can evidence that is false.

Your best way forward, as others have said, is to progress the divorce asap. The lawyer will
tell you what he’s entitled to by law (not what he thinks) and then you can sell the house and move on. In the meantime, keep documenting everything and calling the police.

Thanks. The divorce is on its way. I have instructed solicitors for that. The nmo with exclusion hearing is coming up as well and I have instructed a Barrister to help me represent my case as I am in no fit state to do so on my own.

OP posts:
Donsyb · 23/04/2025 07:36

DionneEz · 22/04/2025 16:55

Thanks. The divorce is on its way. I have instructed solicitors for that. The nmo with exclusion hearing is coming up as well and I have instructed a Barrister to help me represent my case as I am in no fit state to do so on my own.

I wouldn’t even consider representing myself with something like this - if you have been up till now, that’s part of the problem.

Adagio2023 · 12/05/2025 18:28

Thinking of you any updates? x

Christmaschildcare · 27/08/2025 20:37

How are you @DionneEz x

Starlight7080 · 27/08/2025 20:58

I have just caught up with the post.
I hope things are alot better now op.
Its sounds awful. I hope he has moved out .

DionneEz · 31/08/2025 10:19

Hi Everyone...Thanks for checking on me @Christmaschildcare , @Starlight7080 and @Adagio2023 .

He is out now by court order but he has filed an appeal to set aside the court order so waiting to attend the hearing. It is a complete waste of time but obviously the Judge feels that his appeal is worthy of being heard so here we are.

It has been a whirlwind but this has what has happened. Putting this here just in case anyone else finds themselves in a similar situation and it can help them.

I initially paid a Barrrister to represent me at the first hearing but that was a waste of money as she didn't get to say 2 words before the judge threw us out as SS (He did didn't turn up) had filed a statement that I had lied about the incident where he had threatened me which I had not received. I was then ordered to present a court bundle of all my evidence. I went away and prepared this and got rid of the barrister.

At the next hearing date The adult stepson turned up with his father, and it was intimidating. The judge didn’t seem favourable to me at all, even going as far as to shout me down when I corrected her when she referred to my home as 'his' home as well and that I couldn't just throw him out. I left that day feeling really low. But I decided to keep fighting. I sent him another formal letter asking him to leave and not to use any of my amenities or items in the hoyse. Stepson of course forwarded it on to his Dad who accused me of harassing his son.

at that hearing the judge set another hearing for June and the The judge made it clear that the burden was now on him to prove he had any legal right to remain in the home, especially since I’m the sole resident and joint owner, and he’s not a tenant or contributor. His father's joint ownership of the home was not enough to override my objection as as equal owner.

Around mid may While waiting for the June hearing, the stepson asked his father to come to the home so that the wifi could be installed. I was woirking from home that day and I asked the contractor not to. A massive argument ensued between ex and myself. Stepson was in the corner smirking. Called the police and they did not do anything. while I was discussing with the police officer, stepson asked the contractor to drill into my upstairs external wall to install the wifi and this damaged my rendering. I am now in a legal fight with Openreach, Sky TV and MJQuinn about the damage to my wall without my consent.

I attended the June hearing. Stepson did not turn up or present any statement defending his rights to stay as instructed at the previous hearing. The judge this time was kind of furious at the audacity of the stepson and and made an order asking him to leave saying that he had no occupational right to be there and not to attempt to enter the property. Victory!

Stepson was served by Court ballif and left that very day. Ex was pissed.

However he breached the order and came back 3 days later with his father to collect some items. I didn't call the police because as you know I have done so in the past and nothing has happened. I just allowed him to take whatever he needed so he could leave. After that I changed the locks. I did give my ex a spare key though so he wouldn't come here, find the locks changed and then kick the door down..causing me more distress.

Divorce is going ahead and just waiting for a hearing date from the courts to sort of financials but in the meantime it has been peaceful since stepson left.

Stepson also filed an application to set aside the exclusion order claiming that he was not given enough time to respond when he had every chance to attend court in June and submitt a statement defending his supposed occupation rights. So now we’re back in legal limbo until the next hearing but I am enjoying my peace in the meantime. I just hope I don't get a foolish judge like the first one I got who said I had no right to throw stepson out of 'his home'

Stepson has now gone back to live with his son which proves my point. That the father couldn't put up with his own son's behaviour but because he had a grudge against me for reporting his domestic violence he was happy to allow me to be terrorized by his layabout adult child.

Thanks everyone for listening to rant and for giving me the advice on this matter.

OP posts:
Weenurse · 31/08/2025 12:02

Thanks for updating.
Glad he is out, good luck going forward.

GabriellaMontez · 31/08/2025 12:09

Well done for sticking with this and getting rid. It's outrageous that its taken so long to get this man out of your home.

pikkumyy77 · 31/08/2025 12:12

Wow! Good for you for persisting!

Usernamexyz1 · 31/08/2025 12:23

Is it a typo? Where is stepson now living? @DionneEz

fashionqueen0123 · 31/08/2025 12:24

Good grief what a nightmare but well done you!! That’s terrible a contractor drilled a hole while an argument was going on!

DionneEz · 31/08/2025 12:40

Usernamexyz1 · 31/08/2025 12:23

Is it a typo? Where is stepson now living? @DionneEz

Yes a typo..Stepson is now living with her bio mother.

OP posts:
Lyraloo · 31/08/2025 13:27

That’s great but I really don’t understand the issue with your ex! When I got divorced and left the family,y home, my ex went to court and got an order to stop me entering ‘his home’ as sole occupier he had a right to live in our house without me being able to just turn up. I was allowed to visit the house by appointment. I don’t understand why your ex needs a key and why he thinks he can come and go as he pleases!

Starlight7080 · 31/08/2025 13:59

Lyraloo · 31/08/2025 13:27

That’s great but I really don’t understand the issue with your ex! When I got divorced and left the family,y home, my ex went to court and got an order to stop me entering ‘his home’ as sole occupier he had a right to live in our house without me being able to just turn up. I was allowed to visit the house by appointment. I don’t understand why your ex needs a key and why he thinks he can come and go as he pleases!

Well done op on getting him out.
But i also dont understand why he has a key. He doesnt sound like the type of person you want to be able to access your home

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