trying to evict adult stepchild

[DionneEz]

This is my dilemma. The property is a marital home with my husband from whom I am now separated.

Before the separation, his adult son (21) was living with us. My husband has now left the property but insists that his adult son remain with me. This has been nearly 2 years.

At first I was accommodating, as my husband still pays half the mortgage, I pay all of the bills.

The stepson living here was not an issue at first, but now I can no longer cope as he basically stays indoors on his phone all day. The only time he comes out of his room is to collect his Ubereats.

I asked him about getting a job and contributing something financially towards the bills and I was given a story about how he was freelancing from home...and that his pay was intermittent.
However, I see the receipts for his Ubereats orders and they amount to about £20 daily, which is about £500 a month. When he does leave the house, he takes a £7 cab to the station when he can get the bus, which costs £2 or even walk as it is only 10 mins away...so clearly he has funds to splurge but he doesn't feel he has to contribute to the running of the house since his father owns half.

So the scenario is that I have a nearly 22-year-old man 24/7 in my house who refuses to lift a finger to do anything in terms of chores and doesn't contribute financially. I recently had to stop him using my toothpaste and bath soap because I was like you can buy your own surely.
I do go into the office 3 times a week and have errands and stuff to run on weekends but will come back to clean my house as this guy does absolutely nothing. When I was on hols for 3 weeks, he didn't even take the bins out. Yet his father insists that as he owns the house as well., he has every right to dictate who lives there. Is this true?

Anyway, I have given stepson notice even though he is not a tenant. The notice has now passed but he is still here and has no intention of leaving. I know the next step is to change the locks when he leaves which is rare but can his father come and let him in again and will I be breaking any laws if I lock the father out as well? Father doesn't live there and does not pay any bills..just half the mortgage but as the resident homeowner shouldn't my rights surpass his?

Will it work since he is not a tenant?

What’s that supposed to mean?

Some people just get jealous when you let them know about your investments.

None of this is worth a 2% mortgage rate. The only way you are going to achieve peace in life is with a divorce and financial order. Will the houses you own and rent out be included as assets?

And what are you?

I think you need to go to court to determine if he has a right to occupation. I am not a lawyer.

As it's your home and his father has other options and doesn't live there, I would imagine you could get it determined that he doesn't have a right to occupy. He's not related, he has a non molestation order, he doesn't contribute to the bills and doesn't own the property. If that is issued (I.e. He doesn't have a right to occupy) you could then get an eviction order and that would come with the right to use bailiffs to evict him.

However it might be cheaper and quicker to buy his father out. Then it's your house and he's a lodger and you can evict.

I would recommend seeking advice from a housing lawyer which you may have already as you are a landlord.

So change the locks if you have been told you can. But mostly just get the property on the market and get the hell away from this guy

Yes...I want to do that but he has to agree to the sale...Spoke the mortgage people about this. I also tried having a discussion about this and he said if the house is sold he wants £250k which is over 85% of the equity. Mediation has not worked and so it looks like we are going to have to go down the expensive route of lawyers.

He is also threatening to have his 50th birthday here even though I told him that it was not appropriate.

Just change the locks and bag up the SA stuff and leave it outside. Do not let them in again.

@DionneEz going to be petty here but if he is considering having his 50th there, take all the glasses and bin them or hide them. and all the entertining plates, bowls etc. he wont think of checking to make sure he has enough till the night of his supposed party. just leave the bare minimum of crockery in cupboard it 2 plates, 2 mugs, 2 forks and knives etc. get a lock on your bedroom door. take anything of your value to office or storage unit. make it difficult just like he is doing. i cant see why he thinks he is entitled to 85% of the equity???

As bad as it sounds- it’s still half his house. If he wants a party there he can.

As others have said, you are focussing on the wrong issue here. Your ex is going to keep playing this game . The only way this ends is if you leave.

Did you both bring properties to the marriage?

I would go to the ex and say you want to get out of each others lives. If he agrees to separate, with both taking 50/50 of equity, you can be out of each others lives quite quickly and this non-molestation nonsense can be dealt with too. Be very careful not to explicitly say you’ll drop it if he agrees to 50/50 but that you wouldn’t see the point of carrying on something like that if you no longer had contact with him.

Another thing would be that you’ll waive your rights to his pension too. That can be worth a lot more than the house sometimes!

This must all be getting you down and while it sucks to have to give sometimes, ultimately your life will be nicer when him and his crazy son isn’t around.

Are you in this situation because you like your current mortgage rate then?

@Minnie798 said ”None of this is worth a 2% mortgage rate. The only way you are going to achieve peace in life is with a divorce and financial order. Will the houses you own and rent out be included as assets?”

I’m confused. Is it as simple as divorcing and selling the house?

Is the mortgage rate that important to you? You own 2 and a half houses, isn’t getting yourself out of this mess more important than clinging onto a 2% mortgage rate?

Disclaimer - mortgages are Greek to me.

That has already been discussed, and I have provided updates. Someone advised that I could port the mortgage to another property and I have made enquiries.

The issue now is he will only agree to the house being sold if he can get 85% or 250k of the equity which would only leave me with about 30k and the mortgage. Not fair since I was the main contributor.

His reasoning is that I have 2 buy to lets..doesn't seem to understand that those buy to lets are not for my residential use and there are tenants there with legally binding tenancies.

So he is holding it up by being difficult. The bank have said that if I were to sell I would need his signature and he has disagreed unless I agree to give him what he wants.

That being said, his adult son being here has nothing to do with the marriage or this marital home.

I wonder if the ex is wanting 85% of the 'family home' because there are two other houses as well. If the total value of the assets ( such as the equity in the 3 houses) is 500k, that could be why he is asking for 250k from the 'family home. It's a 50/50 share. In a long marriage, all three houses are joint assets surely.

But he has not taken into consideration his pensions, his companies etc. Plus he has a property abroad. He just wants to focus on my assets here in the uk.

I think I’ve missed it, sorry, but why don’t you divorce him? I saw he has started it and you’ve signed something and returned it to him, so it’s now his turn. But can’t you force a divorce after a set time of separation? Or have you not been separated long enough yet?

Go to court and get a sale forced.

Just get legal advice on the situation.

we are going to have to go down the expensive route of lawyers.

Yes, of course you are. What are you waiting for?

He's not a reasonable man.

Does he know these lawyers will be looking at all his assets? Abroad too. Everything will be going in the pot.

Does he have a lot to lose?

What does your lawyer say about this? They will tell you what he is or isn’t entitled to, it’s irrelevant what he’s asking for, it’s what he’s legally entitled to that’s important.

You are absolutely right, I left my marital home and shortly afterwards was only allowed to enter the property at a time that was agreed by both parties and for a specific purpose. The court saw it, that I had left the house and it was now my husbands home, even though the house was still jointly owned, he had a right to live there alone. You need to get this before a court and/or change to a better solicitor. Your solicitor should have sorted this ages ago. Your SS is not a lodger, as some people have said, he pays no rent or other bills. Do you have any friends that could come to the house to be with you if you restrict access. I’m amazed the police are allowing this, speak to someone senior, it is your home and they should never be asking you to leave it.

I'd assume the order extends to the stepson's agents. In this capacity his father and sister are acting as his agents in harassing OP. OP, you really need to talk to someone senior at the police station about the attitude of their officers to victims of domestic harassment.

You sound quite jubilant and full of admiration that OP's abusive ex has found a way to continue the abuse post separation.

It seems quite clear to me what the OP is attempting to do. She wants to find a loophole in the divorce so she can say 'oh no, I have never blocked my exs access to the property. He would have access if only it wasn't for this NMO on his SS'. The ex doesn't have any orders served on him, and it seems unlikely given her updates that she has an occupation order in place. It may have repercussions for the SS if it is viewed as harassment by the ex, but there doesn't seem to be any orders served on the ex preventing him from accessing his property. It would be pretty easy to get an occupation order in place given the police involvement direct with her ex in the past. She IMO wants to avoid this as it could affect her claim in the divorce. I believe OP is avoiding using solicitors as much as possible to save herself a few pounds/hold up the sale of the house but she is making a mess of things. She needs to speak to a solicitor about the heart of the matter, the SS is gone and a NMO is in place so that is sorted. But the ex still has access to the property.

@Resttime Instead of being rude about OP you could just point out that she needs an occupation order and how to apply to the court for one against the about to be divorced husband. I hope you switched the cameras back on the moment he left, OP.