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Original poster

trying to evict adult stepchild

806 replies

DionneEz · 01/03/2025 22:33

This is my dilemma. The property is a marital home with my husband from whom I am now separated.

Before the separation, his adult son (21) was living with us. My husband has now left the property but insists that his adult son remain with me. This has been nearly 2 years.

At first I was accommodating, as my husband still pays half the mortgage, I pay all of the bills.

The stepson living here was not an issue at first, but now I can no longer cope as he basically stays indoors on his phone all day. The only time he comes out of his room is to collect his Ubereats.

I asked him about getting a job and contributing something financially towards the bills and I was given a story about how he was freelancing from home...and that his pay was intermittent.
However, I see the receipts for his Ubereats orders and they amount to about £20 daily, which is about £500 a month. When he does leave the house, he takes a £7 cab to the station when he can get the bus, which costs £2 or even walk as it is only 10 mins away...so clearly he has funds to splurge but he doesn't feel he has to contribute to the running of the house since his father owns half.

So the scenario is that I have a nearly 22-year-old man 24/7 in my house who refuses to lift a finger to do anything in terms of chores and doesn't contribute financially. I recently had to stop him using my toothpaste and bath soap because I was like you can buy your own surely.
I do go into the office 3 times a week and have errands and stuff to run on weekends but will come back to clean my house as this guy does absolutely nothing. When I was on hols for 3 weeks, he didn't even take the bins out. Yet his father insists that as he owns the house as well., he has every right to dictate who lives there. Is this true?

Anyway, I have given stepson notice even though he is not a tenant. The notice has now passed but he is still here and has no intention of leaving. I know the next step is to change the locks when he leaves which is rare but can his father come and let him in again and will I be breaking any laws if I lock the father out as well? Father doesn't live there and does not pay any bills..just half the mortgage but as the resident homeowner shouldn't my rights surpass his?

OP posts:
Toptotoe · 21/04/2025 07:39

Threats to kill is a criminal offence whether it’s in a house or not though it is difficult to prove to person making the threats actually intends to kill you.

I think, at the very least, you could get a restraining order based on the evidence you have on camera of SS words . You need to speak to the police again and tell them you are in fear for your life.

AuntAgathaGregson · 21/04/2025 08:29

Police attended but they said they couldn't arrest him for the threat as it was made behind a closed door.

That can't be correct. A crime is still a crime if it is committed behind a closed door. Are you sure that was their reasoning? If so, try talking to a more senior officer.

Original poster
DionneEz · 21/04/2025 09:37

AuntAgathaGregson · 21/04/2025 08:29

Police attended but they said they couldn't arrest him for the threat as it was made behind a closed door.

That can't be correct. A crime is still a crime if it is committed behind a closed door. Are you sure that was their reasoning? If so, try talking to a more senior officer.

I am going to look into this. If the non molestation order with exclusion fails then I’ll definitely be taking it up with the police.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families Family law Relationship problems
anyolddinosaur · 21/04/2025 09:41

You need to go both routes - non molestation order AND calling the police every time you feel threatened. And you need to get that divorce sorted.

GabriellaMontez · 21/04/2025 10:54

AuntAgathaGregson · 21/04/2025 08:29

Police attended but they said they couldn't arrest him for the threat as it was made behind a closed door.

That can't be correct. A crime is still a crime if it is committed behind a closed door. Are you sure that was their reasoning? If so, try talking to a more senior officer.

Totally agree. He could threaten you down the phone 10 miles away.

Sounds typical of the police.

Ohnobackagain · 21/04/2025 11:38

@DionneEz your DH is using this situation with his son to control you. You almost get SS out then you let him back in and it starts again. They are relying on this. Do you have anyone you can get to stay with you while you get rid and change the locks?

daleylama · 21/04/2025 15:44

Thelittleweasel · 20/04/2025 18:22

@DionneEz

Please please see a solicitor! You say you are tenants in common which is unusual for married people!. If that is correct the proportional split will be shown on the deeds. It does not vary from the date of registration. You can get a copy of the Land Registry document on line for £3.

Do not change the locks without advice from the solicitor. DSS is "probably" a "lodger" but could argue that he has acquired rights as a tenant.

If he were to be regarded as a tenant it would be illegal to change the locks!

I repeat the advice in the first sentence!

Excellent and well founded advice

Original poster
DionneEz · 21/04/2025 15:45

update:
Husband turned up with his daughter, who had already assaulted me came into the property and switched off the cameras in the kitchen and in the hallway. I was upstairs and called him to ask why he had switched off my cameras. He told me to f**k off and that i was taking his son to court. he then told me to call the police.

I called 101 who came and said they couldn't do anything. I even showed them the non-molestation order against the adult son which clearly has a clause 8: do not encourage anyone to intimidate or harass the applicant. clause 8 had been breached by the son telling the Dad who has now come round switched off my cameras brought his daughter and basically violated my personal space.

The police were even asking me to go somewhere. Husband told them that I had two properties in London that I could go to and a sister who lived locally...The police suggested that I go there.

I was shocked that how I, who was in my home minding my own business and he could come there, intimidate and harass me and I should be the one to leave. I had to explain to the police the properties were buy to lets in London and I as a Landlord could not just barge in there and take up residence as there were tenancy agreements in place.

OP posts:
Resttime · 21/04/2025 16:08

This is what I mean though, you're going around in circles and avoiding the crux of the issue. You called the police because a joint owner in the property switched off a camera in their house. A non mol against your SS doesn't stop the joint owner of the property having unrestricted access. Or giving permission for others to live there once your SS moves out. You need to push forward with separating your assets. You're asking your solicitors the wrong questions.

Lyraloo · 21/04/2025 16:47

Resttime · 21/04/2025 16:08

This is what I mean though, you're going around in circles and avoiding the crux of the issue. You called the police because a joint owner in the property switched off a camera in their house. A non mol against your SS doesn't stop the joint owner of the property having unrestricted access. Or giving permission for others to live there once your SS moves out. You need to push forward with separating your assets. You're asking your solicitors the wrong questions.

This is totally wrong!

Resttime · 21/04/2025 16:54

Can you expand on how, from a legal perspective? You think a non mol against her SS blocks her ex's access to the property?

Original poster
DionneEz · 21/04/2025 16:54

Resttime · 21/04/2025 16:08

This is what I mean though, you're going around in circles and avoiding the crux of the issue. You called the police because a joint owner in the property switched off a camera in their house. A non mol against your SS doesn't stop the joint owner of the property having unrestricted access. Or giving permission for others to live there once your SS moves out. You need to push forward with separating your assets. You're asking your solicitors the wrong questions.

Joint owner does not mean joint residency. Can a landlord just go into a tenanted property and switch off security cameras that don't belong to him?

Plus it is past property ownership now. This is a clear case of coercive control and abuse. A joint owner, a husband at at that can not just assign his home rights to another without my consent.

OP posts:
Muffinmam · 21/04/2025 16:55

DionneEz · 21/04/2025 15:45

update:
Husband turned up with his daughter, who had already assaulted me came into the property and switched off the cameras in the kitchen and in the hallway. I was upstairs and called him to ask why he had switched off my cameras. He told me to f**k off and that i was taking his son to court. he then told me to call the police.

I called 101 who came and said they couldn't do anything. I even showed them the non-molestation order against the adult son which clearly has a clause 8: do not encourage anyone to intimidate or harass the applicant. clause 8 had been breached by the son telling the Dad who has now come round switched off my cameras brought his daughter and basically violated my personal space.

The police were even asking me to go somewhere. Husband told them that I had two properties in London that I could go to and a sister who lived locally...The police suggested that I go there.

I was shocked that how I, who was in my home minding my own business and he could come there, intimidate and harass me and I should be the one to leave. I had to explain to the police the properties were buy to lets in London and I as a Landlord could not just barge in there and take up residence as there were tenancy agreements in place.

How did this end? Your ex doesn’t live in the house. He had zero rights to turn off your cameras. You need a full security system and a deadbolt.

Resttime · 21/04/2025 16:56

DionneEz · 21/04/2025 16:54

Joint owner does not mean joint residency. Can a landlord just go into a tenanted property and switch off security cameras that don't belong to him?

Plus it is past property ownership now. This is a clear case of coercive control and abuse. A joint owner, a husband at at that can not just assign his home rights to another without my consent.

Show quote history

You aren't his tenant. You are a joint owner. Unless your solicitor has now sorted the occupation side, he has as much right to be there as you do.

Original poster
DionneEz · 21/04/2025 16:58

Resttime · 21/04/2025 16:54

Can you expand on how, from a legal perspective? You think a non mol against her SS blocks her ex's access to the property?

I am not blocking my ex. However clause 2 of the NMO says: " Threaten or intimidate the applicant" and clause 8 states this: Instruct or encourage any other person to do anything which you are forbidden to do by this order.

Ex barged in with his daughter and switched off my security cameras saying he did not want to be filmed and that he was angry because I was taking his son to court. How is that not intimidation or harassment?

OP posts:
Muffinmam · 21/04/2025 16:58

DionneEz · 21/04/2025 16:54

Joint owner does not mean joint residency. Can a landlord just go into a tenanted property and switch off security cameras that don't belong to him?

Plus it is past property ownership now. This is a clear case of coercive control and abuse. A joint owner, a husband at at that can not just assign his home rights to another without my consent.

Show quote history

I completely understand why you are so upset. This is post separation abuse.

He deliberately turned off the cameras to intimidate you. He had you call the police because he knew they wouldn’t do anything. He’s trying to intimidate you.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

Original poster
DionneEz · 21/04/2025 17:00

Resttime · 21/04/2025 16:56

You aren't his tenant. You are a joint owner. Unless your solicitor has now sorted the occupation side, he has as much right to be there as you do.

Show quote history

It is not about him..It is about his son not having the right to be there.

Ex still thinks that he is the sole owner of the property and that his son has every right to be there.

I have spoken to solicitors and they state that adult children have no beneficial interest in the marital property.

I am being abused now so there is that as well.

What are you debating here?

OP posts:
Resttime · 21/04/2025 17:02

DionneEz · 21/04/2025 16:58

I am not blocking my ex. However clause 2 of the NMO says: " Threaten or intimidate the applicant" and clause 8 states this: Instruct or encourage any other person to do anything which you are forbidden to do by this order.

Ex barged in with his daughter and switched off my security cameras saying he did not want to be filmed and that he was angry because I was taking his son to court. How is that not intimidation or harassment?

Show quote history

That may be the case, but the issue there lies with your SS as the NMO is against him, not your ex. In any case the police visited and tried to remove you from the property. Your ex could argue in the divorce that you have blocked his access to the property, given that you called the police when he entered the property. Your stance doesn't seem to have changed since you first posted, which suggests you havent taken much legal advice with regards to occupation of the jointly owned property. Your situation, driven by your understanding of the law, is worsening.

Mama1980 · 21/04/2025 17:20

Sorry op but you can’t juts change the locks. If you do your ex is well within his legal rights to change them again and permit his son entry. He is joint owner.
not getting into the morality here just staying the facts.
The only way to make him leave is to divorce, buy out your ex and become the sole owner of your house.

londongirl12 · 21/04/2025 17:20

I would be putting the house up for sale first thing in the morning. You need to get away from this situation asap.

WorkCleanRepeat · 21/04/2025 17:31

I must say, your Ex has played an absolute blinder here!

TheWickerHare · 21/04/2025 17:32

DionneEz · 01/03/2025 23:37

I pay the mortage in my buy to let property. Do I have the right to impose a resident on the tenants without their consent because I own the property?

Show quote history

Buy to let... oh.. you're one of them.

FlowerUser · 21/04/2025 17:37

Can you go to court to get a possession order because he's ignored the eviction order? If that's granted you can then get bailiffs to evict him.

GabriellaMontez · 21/04/2025 17:37

I think I'd focus on a 2 things.

  1. Making a complaint to the police. The ss has made a clear death threat. You have it on video. This shouldn't be ignored.
  1. Expediting the divorce. This is holding everything up.
Original poster
DionneEz · 21/04/2025 17:45

Resttime · 21/04/2025 17:02

That may be the case, but the issue there lies with your SS as the NMO is against him, not your ex. In any case the police visited and tried to remove you from the property. Your ex could argue in the divorce that you have blocked his access to the property, given that you called the police when he entered the property. Your stance doesn't seem to have changed since you first posted, which suggests you havent taken much legal advice with regards to occupation of the jointly owned property. Your situation, driven by your understanding of the law, is worsening.

Edited
Show quote history

I have been advised otherwise.

The NMO was put in place for a reason.

Clause 8 of that NMO was breached because the SS told his father about it and he came to intimidate and harass me by barging in and switching off cameras. It shouldn't matter that he is a co-owner, he has been in the property before but and did nothing to the cameras so why now? This time he came and went straight for the cameras because his son is being taken to court.

Also I can change the locks as I am the sole resident home owner. My husband is on the electoral role at another address. he also pays his council tax there.

I will be speaking to my solicitor again tomorrow.

OP posts: