trying to evict adult stepchild

[DionneEz]

This is my dilemma. The property is a marital home with my husband from whom I am now separated.

Before the separation, his adult son (21) was living with us. My husband has now left the property but insists that his adult son remain with me. This has been nearly 2 years.

At first I was accommodating, as my husband still pays half the mortgage, I pay all of the bills.

The stepson living here was not an issue at first, but now I can no longer cope as he basically stays indoors on his phone all day. The only time he comes out of his room is to collect his Ubereats.

I asked him about getting a job and contributing something financially towards the bills and I was given a story about how he was freelancing from home...and that his pay was intermittent.
However, I see the receipts for his Ubereats orders and they amount to about £20 daily, which is about £500 a month. When he does leave the house, he takes a £7 cab to the station when he can get the bus, which costs £2 or even walk as it is only 10 mins away...so clearly he has funds to splurge but he doesn't feel he has to contribute to the running of the house since his father owns half.

So the scenario is that I have a nearly 22-year-old man 24/7 in my house who refuses to lift a finger to do anything in terms of chores and doesn't contribute financially. I recently had to stop him using my toothpaste and bath soap because I was like you can buy your own surely.
I do go into the office 3 times a week and have errands and stuff to run on weekends but will come back to clean my house as this guy does absolutely nothing. When I was on hols for 3 weeks, he didn't even take the bins out. Yet his father insists that as he owns the house as well., he has every right to dictate who lives there. Is this true?

Anyway, I have given stepson notice even though he is not a tenant. The notice has now passed but he is still here and has no intention of leaving. I know the next step is to change the locks when he leaves which is rare but can his father come and let him in again and will I be breaking any laws if I lock the father out as well? Father doesn't live there and does not pay any bills..just half the mortgage but as the resident homeowner shouldn't my rights surpass his?

Thanks for coming back and updating @DionneEz

I'm so sorry that you've had to go through all of this. Horrendous situation.

Wishing you all the best for next week - I hope it proves to be a big step forward in getting both of these vile people out of your life for good.

Thanks I am not milking my ex at all.

In fact he is the one milking me.
I have told my ex to stop paying half of the mortgage and to use that money to find his son a room somewhere since he still sees him as his dependent even though he is going on 22, but that has been ignored. This is all part of his coercive control pattern. He wants his son in the house with me to show that he still has control over my living arrangements.

I am hoping to get this order of exclusion sorted and then I will be contacting lawyers to see how I can push through with the divorce. I am the one who stands to lose the most financially but at this point I don't care. I just want peace.

I can port the mortgage in my sole name to another property. Husband is proving to be difficult by saying that I have to give him all of the equity as I have 2 buy to let properties and he has no other asset.

I don’t understand why you don’t just divorce, sell the house (or one buy the other out) and be done with it all. I mean surely the good mortgage rate is not worth all of this? It sounds horrendous.

I'm sorry if you thought I was accusing you of that, quite the opposite- I felt some other posters were making that point unfairly. If his only hold over you is the threat of withholding his mortgage payments, and you know you can manage the
mortgage alone then I'd evict the useless son and be free of his abusive father.

This is dreadful, I hope it goes OK in court for you, I would be shocked if a judge would let him stay as you have proof of harassment.

I agree with all the PPs saying you need to get the divorce finalised, and the house sold, so you can be rid of this pair. A 2% mortgage rate is not worth putting up with this anymore.

I would move some friends/family in temporarily. Move all SS stuff to bin bags, tell him to come & collect his shit, he will see his room is no longer available. Tell him as he leaves, (& he will because your friends will be there backing you.) that the locks are being changed from that minute forth. He has two parents, they can house this parasite.
If your H can have "randoms in rooms", then so can you.

When you go to court, remember to build a case that H is a domestically, financially & coercively abusing you, he is forcing you to pay for his son's Elec/water/rates. & controlling you via this intrusion.

I hope you’ve got a good lawyer? Surely as the reason for the divorce was domestic violence in his part you shouldn’t have to pay him a penny?

@DionneEz

Please please see a solicitor! You say you are tenants in common which is unusual for married people!. If that is correct the proportional split will be shown on the deeds. It does not vary from the date of registration. You can get a copy of the Land Registry document on line for £3.

Do not change the locks without advice from the solicitor. DSS is "probably" a "lodger" but could argue that he has acquired rights as a tenant.

If he were to be regarded as a tenant it would be illegal to change the locks!

I repeat the advice in the first sentence!

I have spoken to a solicitor who has told me that the son has no beneficial interest in the property.

He is not a tenant as he has no tenancy agreement. In any case, I have already given him notice and I have withdrawn my consent for him to remain in the property. All of that plus he is now threatening to “smoke me!” I.e kill me.

I wish it was that simple. The ex is a perpetrator of domestic violence, so will probably want to retain some kind of control over OP. He probably won't agree with buying her out for this reason. But I guess she should try.

Op, I am so very sorry that you have to put up with this. I hope the NMO will be the beginning of your breaking free from this pos and his pos son.

Just get divorced and sort the situation out properly. I appreciate you are avoiding this to save money but the messier the split gets, the more costly the divorce is going to become.

The divorce is happening. In the meantime the adult stepson should not be living with me and causing me harassment.

We're tenants in common and we're married because my DH has a child from a previous relationship who needs providing for. My brother has the same with his civil partner because she put in more equity.

It may not happen a lot, but it's not unusual.

Tenants in common not unusual at all.

Can you lock him out the next time he leaves then?

Tried that but then he called his Dad who threatened to come down and kick the door down. Once he had assurance from his Dad, he himself then tried to force the lock. It was just too. I was scared as f*. I then thought it be better to let him back in than to be faced with two very angry men who wouldn’t hesitate to harm me. Didn’t call the police either as the neighbours would have gotten an eyeful. It’s a mess.

Who cares about the neighbours, if you’re at risk of a beating or worse?!

But now he’s inside your house and living with you? Sorry I understand you were scared but I don’t get how that’s better. I would have called the police and let them deal with them. I hope the court thing is successful.

Well I had called the police a couple of nights before when he made death threats and threatened me with a kitchen stool so I was then feeling like calling the police again would have been a useless effort.

You need to hire a solicitor and talk about selling the house or your ex buying you out.

And you need to call the police.
Stop worrying about what the neighbours would think FGS.

Call them every single time he threatens you and every time your ex threatens you.

Why doesn’t your ex want his own son to live with him? What about your step son’s mother, where is she?

If you're genuinely fearful for your life/safety, call the police every single time.

You have cameras that would capture anyone kicking your door down. Set some up inside to catch the next time you're threatened. If you have evidence of credible domestic threats, it's extremely unlikely that he would be left in the property with you. Let the police know that you will call them every single time you're threatened. It's up to them to decide if the threat is credible or there's enough for an arrest.

Also, remember that if you feel legitimately, immediately threatened, you do not have to wait for someone to physically attack you before you act. I'm obviously not advocating intentionally getting into a fight, but (and again, cameras are useful here) if someone brandished a piece of furniture at me, I would take the necessary, proportionate action to protect myself.

You need to start calling the police and not worrying about appearances . Not only for your safety but as a paper trail