Tell me about your mid 40s accidental pregnancy

[CrepituErgoSum]

This is really for women like me, who have found themselves unexpectedly pregnant in their mid 40s or beyond and decided to continue on with the pregnancy.

I'm finding things very surreal. Currently I'm 20 weeks, 47 years old, absolutely unplanned and had the shock of our lives when we found out what was going on. We already have 2 kids aged 16 & 12.

We've had a lot of testing as I was freaking out about my age but everything has come back normal so far. I can feel baby kicking as I'm sitting here, so I guess he's convinced he's happening anyway! We're pretty stable as a couple and financially etc, have a paid off house, flexible work etc. Overall we're in a better position than many couples to manage an unexpected pregnancy. My main worries are really around mine and baby's health.

I am interested to hear from anyone who had similar, specifically about the later pregnancy/labour - did it follow the same general pattern as with your other kids if you have them? Did you develop any of the dangerous things like GD or blood pressure issues etc?

And then I would like to know how things turned out longer term. Was baby OK health wise? Were you able to breastfeed? How did your family situation evolve? How was it with your older kids? Ours are very positive and excited so far. Did you connect OK with other parents or were they so insanely young you couldn't?

So many questions! :)

Ignoring the bulk of comments on here, I just wanted to say a huge congratulations and wish you a smooth and healthy pregnancy and enjoy having 3 lovely DCs!

Ha I'm actually Irish so not in UK - there are a lot of big families, big age gaps, random extra children etc here, I've met several ladies who have this just chatting at the bus stop when they see I'm expecting, everyone wants to tell me about their late onset sibling or child! Including my doctor and my doctor's receptionist LOL.

Oh yes and my own youngest sister is 9 years younger than the next child in my family growing up, so I'm not exactly unused to this. So none of that negativity bothers me in the slightest as it doesn't really apply in my context.

Thanks so much for all the helpful responses. I was more interested in the physical pregnancy. So far it's totally fine and doesn't seem different to my previous one 12 years ago but I was just worried about developing any of the complications I guess. No sign of anything so far so I'll keep my fingers crossed.

I'm sure you will be fine, we don't suddenly become old crones in our 40's now! My pregnancy was a little trickier because it was twins and I did have gestational diabetes. I had all the tests which was scary! Yes it's tiring and you might not have quite the energy you had but it's all worth it xx

Honestly (I know this isn't asked for ) but Mumsnet is like a parallel universe.

It's the only place where I've ever heard any women beyond the age of 44 getting pregnant!

In real life, I have honestly never heard of a pregnant women beyond the age of 44. The only exceptions are when there's been fertility aids.

It seems like every day on here someone pops along to say "found out I'm pregnant at 46" cue a stream of "congrats op, I was 48 with my first and 52 when DS2 made a suprise arrival" 🧐

Good luck to you. I'm sure it'll all be fine if tests are coming back normal. I'm sure you're baby will be very much loved. But I don't envy you at 47 !

Ha well if you need more proof, perhaps a quick holiday in Ireland? Or perhaps you could helpfully explain that it never happens to the wee boxer who seems to be living in my insides right now....

One of the lads at work mentioned he has a sister 30 years younger than him, it's really not unheard of in places/times where contraception isn't used.

Just to chime in and say this absolutely isn’t my experience.

14 year’s between my girls. Beautiful bond.
10 between eldest daughter and son - Incredibly close.

14 year’s between my mum and my auntie - best friends and so close as adults.

My mum was a surprise when my nan was 43. My mum is healthy, well and my nan lived to 95. My mum doted on her.

It’s not all doom and gloom.

But you can look up statistics and see that tens of thousands of women over 40 give birth every year, including thousands who are over 45. It's not about MN being a parallel universe, you've just had a different experience from other posters. :)

From another perspective, I was 19 when my parents had a surprise baby in their forties. I thought the baby was cute, but went off to Uni and did my own thing. The baby (now 30) has been a wonderful addition to our family and brought a huge amount of happiness to my parents even though they were shocked and tired! My parents are still going strong and we are all very close. Even though there is a huge age gap between us, we couldn’t be closer.
Those that are saying siblings won’t be close are certainly wrong in our case. I have a slightly brother too, and again he is very close to the ‘baby’ too.

This is such a lovely thread to read!
I'm in a different situation as this baby was not a surprise and took ivf to conceive, however I am 40 with a 16 and 12 year old! I'm currently 25 weeks and so far all is good. My iron count is lower this time but likely because I had a gastric sleeve 4 years ago so my absorption isn't what it was. I am tired physically but my husband and children are completely wonderful and we all work together. I have recently decided to employ a cleaner as I work full time and I am also trying to finish my PhD.

Like others I am in a much better place financially etc than when I had my first at 23. I also now have an amazing husband so it will be a different experience to the other two times. I can afford a cleaner and also to reduce my work hours to spend more time with the baby. I want to enjoy every moment I can of this.

I agree with other posters that I am absolutely loving being pregnant again, I have enjoyed each stage and feel I am so grateful to have the opportunity to do this all again. My children are really excited, my 16 year old DD can't wait for cuddles but it's my 12yo DS that has surprised me the most. He wants to know each week how the baby is developing etc and cried with happiness when we told him! I hope that we have the same experience as other posters have shared about the bond between big age gap siblings.

Congratulations OP. I don't think there are many people who regret a baby!

Hi op. I had my first at 38 and second at 43. I did notice a big difference in the third trimester. With my first it was lovely and probably my favourite trimester but when I was 43 I had body parts aching that I didn't even know existed. Got plantar fasciatis, backache and couldn't sit for longer than 10 min without my bump severely aching. That lasted for at least a year post partum (not fun when you've got a velcro baby). The actual delivery though was a breeze. Very painful but very quick. I went home the same day.

Best of luck and congratulations 🌺

People are giving examples of being pregnant at 40,42,43 but there is a big difference between that and 47. Will you be 48 when you deliver?
It sounds like you have everything in place, I would be as good as you can to yourself in terms of looking after your health, food, exercise, take vitamins. Go to the gym and really build your body up as soon as you can after having the baby. To be prepared before you enter into menopause and the health consequences of that.

OMG @teampacey snap! my 12-nearly-13 year old son is super into it, he especially loves the weekly "your baby is the size of a banana" fruit comparisons. Best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy.

@Pancakeorcrepe no I will still be 47 when I deliver. I haven't been pregnant since I was 33 so no other 40s pregnancies to compare this with. I'm currently 27 weeks with no specific issues, I'm still walking an hour every day & swimming most days so feeling pretty good other than a bit of hip muscle pain overnights. I am going to be realistic & stop work at 34 weeks though, no heroic work till the due date for me!

Basically I wouldn't have chosen this situation given I already had kids, but it's happened and so far (knock on wood) it seems to be going fairly well in terms of health etc. I have everything crossed that that continues.

Now I'd better start thinking about actually buying some baby stuff....

@Chiseltip
a friend of mine had a baby in her late mid 40s and her three children (twins of 21 and son of 25) absolutely ADORE the little one, now 3yo. Their bond is delightful to observe.
I think we can have opinions but shouldn’t judge situations we haven’t had experience of.
My friends family are close, healthy, loving and I have no reason to think my friend won’t manage a teenager at 60!!
let everyone live their own lives and be happy ❤️

After 25, life gets very difficult, very quickly. Careers, mortgages, moving away from home, marriage, kids . .

By the time that kid is six or seven, those siblings won't be around. Without proximity, relationships fail.

You've just described the exact situation I was talking about.

I’m much closer to my dsis, 13 years younger than me, than my other siblings who are close in age to me. And actually I think a lot of siblings grow apart mid 20s onwards as they get kids etc, regardless of closeness when they were growing up

I had one sister born when I was 10 and another when I was 14 (I was an accident when parents were teens but they stayed together!). Am very close to siblings and see them regularly. Big age gaps between siblings do not mean no bond - I have plenty of friends with similar aged siblings that never see them / have poor relationships. Congratulations OP! Hope it all goes well.

I disagree with your comment on the sibling age gap being a problem. My brother and I were 15 and 11 when our younger sibling came along. We get along but are both closer to our younger sibling than to eachother. The age gap doesn't automatically doom the sibling relationship.

I don’t know why you seem so determined to only concentrate on negative things? OP is happy about her pregnancy and has already said that it’s perfectly normal in her area for there to be big age gaps between siblings. All the babies have been welcomed and loved. Why can’t you just accept that? I’m also from a large Irish family where babies are a blessing. I have cousins and siblings ranging from 12 years older than me to 20 years younger. We all adore each other and support each other through life’s ups and downs. It takes a village and all that…

Huge congratulations I hope all went well.

Could I ask please were your periods regular when pregnancy happened or were they all over the place?

My dad was often called my grandad after having me in his 40s. He lived well into his 80s and only needed any sort of care for about 3 weeks at the end of his life. By the time he died he'd been an active and loving parent and grandparent for years and saw my DC into their teens.

I've got several friends and family members who have had babies in their 40s and all are really fabulous mums with lovely relationships with their DC. I think being older, wiser, calmer and more financially secure can be a huge bonus to your parenting.

We have a gap between 2 oldest and youngst. The two oldest children adores the youngst. Always done. They are her biggest fan club.

My DD2 is 11 months (almost) and to be honest, I was the youngest by quite a lot at baby groups. Maybe it’s regional though, but I’m 34 and the next youngest was my friend who is almost 40. Loads of mums are having babies older now, you’ll find people in a similar situation I am sure. How lovely for your older two as well! Congratulations 💐

Agree with this! I’ve a sister 10 years older and we are really close, it’s even better now we both have children. We all do a lot together. Her kids (who are older than mine) absolutely dote on my girls.

I had a C-section after induction due to early preeclampsia. It was 39+0.
I had two normal births with the older children.
Because of the C-section breastfeeding had to be worked on a little more than the first children but our youngest is fully breastfed. She was as a baby and now 100% healthy.

Our older children loved her from day 1. They are her biggest fan club. Her older sister ended up training as a midwife and is studying at university for a master's degree in midwifery.

Other parents around us seem pretty indifferent to our age. Our youngest is in secondary school now.

Good luck!

My mum had my sibling as a surprise at 43! No health issues on either side.

The pessimism of some PPs is so unhelpful - they do know women have been having children in their 40s for as long as humans have been around, right? 😂