Tell me about your mid 40s accidental pregnancy

[CrepituErgoSum]

This is really for women like me, who have found themselves unexpectedly pregnant in their mid 40s or beyond and decided to continue on with the pregnancy.

I'm finding things very surreal. Currently I'm 20 weeks, 47 years old, absolutely unplanned and had the shock of our lives when we found out what was going on. We already have 2 kids aged 16 & 12.

We've had a lot of testing as I was freaking out about my age but everything has come back normal so far. I can feel baby kicking as I'm sitting here, so I guess he's convinced he's happening anyway! We're pretty stable as a couple and financially etc, have a paid off house, flexible work etc. Overall we're in a better position than many couples to manage an unexpected pregnancy. My main worries are really around mine and baby's health.

I am interested to hear from anyone who had similar, specifically about the later pregnancy/labour - did it follow the same general pattern as with your other kids if you have them? Did you develop any of the dangerous things like GD or blood pressure issues etc?

And then I would like to know how things turned out longer term. Was baby OK health wise? Were you able to breastfeed? How did your family situation evolve? How was it with your older kids? Ours are very positive and excited so far. Did you connect OK with other parents or were they so insanely young you couldn't?

So many questions! :)

On the other hand the current generation I see in hospitals are people in their 80s plus having children in their 60s who can’t look after them due to their own health issues. Having a 40 year old might work better.

Also most of us don’t expect their kids to look after them when they’re old, I definitely won’t.

Absolutely this!

It can’t be both surely? Not expecting to be cared by adult children in old age, but adult children are also too old to care?

Having children at 40 means that your adult children might be managing young children at 40 too. That is even worse for care/support in old age.

There’s no good time to be struck with health issues frankly. Most people can’t perform full time caring responsibilities for their parent.

I was an accidental late pregnancy. Not quite as dramatic, but back in the late ‘50s my mum’s pregnancy at 38 was considered pretty old and slightly rude for a Naice middle class family. Sisters 10 and 8 years older than me.

Vs my sisters

• pregnancy and birth I don’t know and mum is no longer here to tell me, but I think she would have said if there had been anything unusual.
• Apparently I was adored by my sisters, and she found it very helpful having them around to help
• there was a big family fight over my name; oldest sister got her way and I was named after the neighbour’s sheepdog
• i learned to read and write very early as I didn’t see any reason why my sisters could and I couldn’t
• my sisters were at boarding school just as I started school and we were pretty distant from my primary years until I was 25 working in london
• mum and dad were very relaxed with me which was good in some ways but I really could have done with more boundaries and less freedom as a teenager. I think this was a combination of relaxed experience (shit will happen, ultimately it will all be fine) and taking the eye off the ball in light of their failing marriage and money problems
• when I was about 25 it all began to come together and we sisters all became friends; my surviving sister and I are great friends and have a funny-not-funny pact to live out our final years as elderly widows together

I felt VERY privileged to have such interesting, mature, experienced and wise parents vs my friends whose parents seemed much less knowledgeable. My parents were both on active service throughout WW2 whereas younger parents weren’t, and there was quite a generational gulf between them.

For me, overall, it was great.