@Merie1980 DiL and DS are very good at preempting with explanations and time for the children to think and act, so ‘ think about how far it is to the ground, before you jump off’.
Do children of that age actually think logically enough to think before they act - e.g.can they actually properly calculate things like how far it is to the ground before they jump off?? .............. unless they're helped and shown how to understand??
That's what children should rely on parents to do - to help them understand the world, to safely SHOW them how the world works and to be there to help them through.......... rather than parents just EXPECTING them to understand with a bit of explanation of 'what might happen' and to then expect them to make their own decisions with little or no knowledge or experience.
'Gentle parenting' , in cases like this, seems to consist of avoiding all responsibility for parenting and instead making it all about the responsibility of the child to learn for themselves / to parent themselves ...... because the parents have 'explained the consequences'
Parents who think like this seem to be understanding the world from an adult's point of view / applying an adult's logic to a situation ............. and then expecting the child to see things the same way.
Isn't the point of parenting to understand how the world works and to then explain things on a child- level - as a child will understand.
Children understand guidance and boundaries ...........and will feel safe because these are in place.
What do your DS and DiL think being a parent actually means?
With the pens DS/DiL were apprehensive that the DC’s would just draw everywhere as they are not ready to listen to the rules about drawing on the paper 😂😂
Children need to play. You tell them where they can draw with pens / pencils / crayons. If they draw where they shouldn't, then you tell them. What is the problem?
They're not ready to listen?
That's children for you ......... they're learning. They don't always understand there are acceptable limits to their behaviour, They test boundaries, they push to see how far they can go. That's just what they do.
And, as a parent, your job is to stay in charge - you show them where the acceptable limits are, where the boundaries are, how far they can go - so they feel safe and know the limits
The garden seemed to be about them helping us with ‘jobs’. My DC’s would plant seeds with me, sweep, water. DS/DiL thought this was too much an ask as the DC’s are not ready to be appropriate and careful.
Left to me I would have modelled, guided and let them try. There would need to be some expectations in that though ( like we don't throw all of the seeds all over the garden).
Seems pretty sensible to me!
It sounds like you have your head screwed on okay and know that children are children - who are learning and need to be guided and told where the boundaries are
Sometimes it takes lots of reminders, but children are children and all they can do is trust us to show them what to do, and all we can do is keep showing them.
They get confused if they're left to decide for themselves what the boundaries are - this should be more 'teenager territory' where they're more ready to start taking responsibility for decisions.
Young children's methods of reasoning are definitely not the same as an adult's
They would go in the stream, or out in the rain without appropriate clothing.
They have the experiences with no concerns from the parent. Part of the DC’s learning, I suppose in the hope that next time they choose to put a coat of wellies on.
How do they know what 'appropriate clothing' is? Have they been told? Have they been shown? Is the proper clothing there for them to put on?
Why are the parents not parenting and dressing them in the appropriate clothing for the appropriate conditions??
the DC’s may not accept the rules about using the pens, for instance, and draw elsewhere or leave lids off. If rules were put in place the DC’s might take the huff or throw a pen. They may refuse to put the lids back on. For DiL, the error would be providing an activity that was not appropriate for the DC’s to manage, rather than DC’ need to accept the expectations/rules.
But there's no 'error' is there? - it's just life and showing children that they can't always do exactlty what they want / when they want / when they're ready to do it . .... because these children are going to have a very rude awakening when they learn that the outside world doesn't always work according to their rhythm and that you have to learn to live in harmony with other people too.
Yes to the PP above that said provide crayons or chalk rather than pens - that would be fine because little can go wrong.
Saying that, chalking outside and jumping on all of the chalks would be accepted by DS/DiL. No damage done and a learning experience in having wasted the chalks!
Don't really understand the logic ..... who is doing the learning?
This is not parenting - how can such young children learn if they have no guidance to learn from? Surely they're being taught that everything revolves around them and that everyone else has to fit in around them?
Maybe your DS and DiL's expectations of child understanding / behaviour is a bit optimistic??
They're are bonkers if they expect their version of 'gentle parenting' to work in anything other than raising extremely confused, emotionally vulnerable and very entitled children
However, it is how it is, these are adults in their mid 30’s who make their own decisions..........
regardless of the consequences on their children??
Is it your DiL who's leading this, by any chance?
I think you know there's something not right in the way they're bringing up their children and want reassurance that you're not just an interfering MiL.
You don't sound remotely interfering - in your position I would be just as concerned about my DGC!
(**edited to add @OP)