I am a narcissist

[ohyesido]

I am. But I'm not a horrible person.

I lack empathy but I've learned that it isn't nice to manipulate people.

Yet I still do, only in such a way that no one can ever really accuse me of it. Because I twist my words to indicate that I have everyone's best interests at heart.

Everything I do is calculated to ensure I get my own way while maintaining a facade of good intentions

Can anyone relate?

I am most certainly not cruel to my children, I would never do that. Its not their fault I am the way I am. Its important to me they have happy lives
Perhaps I am not a Narcissist, it has been suggested by more than one professional and my own research that I am probably a Sociopath.

Narcissistic or sociopathic people are highly deceptive and manipulative. Why should we consider your post at face value?

How many words should the essay have?

Do, don't makes no difference to me.
A very useful part of my personality is that the opinion of around 90% of the population is unimportant to me because they are ordinary "little" people.
Another great thing is that I don't feel the need to convince people of things (unless its so I can manipulate them), if I know I am right its good enough

I also think that for some reason you are trying to hurt me, waste of time

The point is that the term “narcissist” does not only refer to someone with NPD. I don’t know how many times I have to explain that to you before you understand. “Narcissist” as opposed to “schizophrenic” has a meaning outwith its psychiatric definition and predates it by millennia. So your claim that “narcissist” only refers to NPD sufferers is simply incorrect.

You seem remarkably poorly informed.

yes, one of my parents presents identically

When I looked my father in the eyes I used to feel sick and on edge because they were dead. There was just nothing there (even when his facial expression was angry, his eyes were 'off').

His emotions felt to me like a robot pretending to be a human.

I played along with what I knew his wishes were, like a puppet in strings. Playing along with the game of his ideal life. Smiling until my cheeks hurt and I learnt to make my eyes just as dead as his.

Any sign of "knowing" or looking like I had caught him out in the moment would cause him to be extremely unsettling.

If PPs are actually what they say they are, then they absolutely cannot be good parents and their children when old enough will 100% feel something is wrong.

They may not be able to put a finger on it until they are adults themselves... But it will happen.

With a pet, you can go through the motions and they will feel cared for and loved. A human is completely different and as a self protection measure we can feel when someone isn't quite right.

I guarantee PPs are fooling themselves. They may be successful in their careers, but if people get too close they WILL sniff it out.

There are few outcomes in life I can be certain of, the one absolute certainty I have is that I'd die for my child. I'd stand in front of her and die for her to live.

But you've said if your children were replaced, you wouldn't flinch. I don't know, I just think how do you protect them when you feel nothing for them, honestly I just hope you're exaggerating.

By the tone of their posts I would suspect that their conviction is based on their own experiences.

My ex is like this. I wouldn't call him a narcissist exactly though he does have some traits. He has zero empathy but is the best person you want in a crisis. It took me years to realise when he looked after me if I was ill it wasn’t because he cared it was just a practical job that needed doing. I’ve often said he would make the perfect surgeon. I don’t think he’s worried about a thing in his life. Interestingly, because of a question I asked him once, he responded saying he has no inner dialogue. I wonder if that's common in unempathetic people (I, on the other hand, never shut up inside my head).

But it's a fair point isn't it? How can you claim these behaviours but then have special limits for your children? It is more likely that these manipulative tendencies displayed by sociopaths or narcissists are here on display for unhealthy reasons. Frankly, the idea that children do not notice that their parents are different if they have these tendencies is to me to very manipulative

Its fair for you to raise it but you are wrong, my DC are fine and loved.
In fact they are pretty special because they are loved by someone who has never felt anything similar for anyone else before.
Maybe one day they will figure out what I am like but they will never feel that I didn't love them because I do. I don't pretend to love them, its real. I think DS knows me better (he has some of my traits) but he also knows I love him
Sociopaths CAN love, its just harder and less automatic. I had to work on it with both of them but I am absolutely sure I do now.

100%. The thread had taken a very disturbing turn, and I hope it's trolling, because no child would be unaffected. Bringing children into such madness, giving birth to children you know you will care nothing for but will serve a purpose, is repulsive.

I have the best inner dialogue and almost no empathy. I do know someone very similar to me who I’d say is high up on the sociopathy scale with no mind’s eye though. I’m constantly talking to myself in my head; it’s an incredibly useful tool for working out how to react in certain situations. I work through a path of possible outcomes for almost every scenario.

@bombastix the problem with this line of thinking though (re assuming our children must notice) is that honestly I a) do not care if that astounds you (this is first and foremost) and b) assume from this rather 2D grasp of what we’re saying that you’re not all that used to critical thinking; there’s not a one-size-fits-all personality type here (I think that’s pretty obvious). Some of us are such perfectionists that we apply that to every aspect of our lives - including parenting

I could have written this word for word. Excellent answer. Even down to the one DC showing similar traits

Do you ever wish you could just do what most people do, go through life without this need to be feted and adored, feeding off people like some sort of vampire. It sounds exhausting. Plenty of people have all the things you have (adoring partner, children etc) without ever having to manipulate for it.

I am simply at pains to point out to anyone that these behaviours and thoughts are profoundly antisocial, they are not love.

Narcissists delude themselves and others. Sociopaths don't see the emotions of children (or indeed anyone) as meaningful.

Children do know. They simply survive such parenting but usually it will cost them. On a parenting site it seems important to point this out, and have great skepticism as to claims of sociopathy or narcissistic behaviour not affecting children. It is simply that they have no choice.

Well I actually didn't expect to love mine, I hoped I would and everyone kept saying it.
I do, but it wasn't instant.
Some of us are being very honest on here but responses like this demonstrate when we don't generally do that

@bombastix what your theory fails to recognise is that it’s possible to separate the intellectual and emotional. How is my acting on an intellectual level rather than an emotional one antisocial? Surely it makes my actions more genuine as they’re borne of level-headed decision making rather than reactionary emotional thinking

Op your not a narcissist. Your humpty dumpty. A big headed bastard full of your own self importance. Throw a bucket of water off you and it would just bounce back off .

Yes, very much so.
I would absolutely love to and by faking it most of the time sometimes perhaps I am actually "normal". Its hard to say
If I am being honest though it IS quite nice not having to do all the messy feelings stuff, now that does seem exhausting
I kind of see it as a type of Neuro diversity, I can't just turn it off but I do know a lot of it isn't acceptable so I tend to behave.

I feel that it is an interesting topic so I can't blame everyone, but people are attracted to these posters like they would be to a true crime podcast. It is a morbid curiosity.

It does concern me that people are taking these posters claims at face value when in my opinion they are heavily tailoring their comments in order to appeal to the interest.

Narcissistic people and sociopaths love attention and they get a huge kick out of convincing people of things that aren't true. Little lies, little twists of the truth.

You are nothing but a pawn in a narcissists life. Be useful and ideally amusing to them 'or else'.... Even if you are their child.

I encourage everyone here to educate themselves outside of this thread before making your mind up about diagnosed narcissists.

Exactly.
We have decided to love our children, its not something we have no choice over like most people.

Yes thank you. There is a strong sense of these posters enjoying the engagement on a parenting site with their theories of choosing to love.

Be skeptical. These people are not what they seem by their own admission.