I am a narcissist

[ohyesido]

I am. But I'm not a horrible person.

I lack empathy but I've learned that it isn't nice to manipulate people.

Yet I still do, only in such a way that no one can ever really accuse me of it. Because I twist my words to indicate that I have everyone's best interests at heart.

Everything I do is calculated to ensure I get my own way while maintaining a facade of good intentions

Can anyone relate?

Psychiatry alone takes around 13 years to train and a trained psychiatrist would not and using inappropriate capitalis and be diagnosing psychopathy over the internet.

Sorry my mistake it was someone else.

But no you are incorrect.

You can have narcissistic traits, which almost everyone does but some people have more of them than others.

But you cannot be a narcissist without having a PD.

People may throw the word narcissist around but the person is not actually a narcissist unless they have a PD.

You cannot be narcissistic without having a PD because that is literally what it is.

Where are you getting your misinformation from and why do you think your opinion is right and the thousands of professionals and those on this thread are wrong are you a narcissist 😂

I find the reactions very interesting too.
Its why we have to mask I suppose.
Narcissists, Psycopaths and Sociopaths are not inherently evil, sometimes they may do bad things but not all of us do.
We can be functioning members of society, we just have to try harder not to do somethings that wouldn't even occur to "normal" people.

I think the replies are based on the fact that she said she was a narcissist, then admitted she was never actually diagnosed and has now admitted she doesn’t think she is a narcissist anymore.

Maybe you're just self absorbed and manipulative? Not sure it's narracism or a personality disorder.

I think people's reactions are due to op spreading misinformation.
A true narcissist wouldn't know they was one that's the whole point.
She's self diagnosing which is just annoying
She doesn't understand that npd is a personality disorder
And she doesn't seem to realise everyone has narcissistic traits, that doesn't make it a disorder.

Op may actually be a Sociopath rather than a Narcissist, although there is some crossover.
I think I am probably a Sociopath, although I did grow up with diagnosed Narcs and see some aspects of them in myself.
Doesn't matter really, its just a word

That was me who suggested that. I think I may have a casual friend who is as you described. I see her a few times a year as we don't live close to one another. She is good company at a superficial level. Fine for a coffee and a wander round some boutiques and she is well travelled and urbane but I never try to talk to her about anything emotionally deep for two reasons. First I would never divulge too much so I would be vulnerable to her in any way. Second, she can only emulate compassion to a certain level and it feels like she just does not know how to respond to deeper things. She makes grand gestures of altruism but never really puts herself out for anyone if that makes sense. I have other close friends I bare my soul to without a second thought. I don't really judge her. It is just how she is but I don't really trust her either. I think she has a big blind spot about how people feel about her. Other friends have said something feels off too. My mother is the best judge of character ever and she said within two minutes of speaking to her that she is not genuine.

This is fascinating. I admire the focus and confidence you have regardless of where that comes from.

Related to that, earlier you said you wanted recognition and validation from you line manager. Why do you need or want this? Asking as I work with a narcissist & I’d like to understand why he’s also like this.

But again being a sociopath would be a personality disorder which comes under aspd anti social personality disorder

Really interesting, thank you for sharing

this thread is interesting, I have some of the ‘narcissistic’ traits mentioned by OP and probably a project feeling of self worth (but I admit this is dwindling as I get older).

however @Anonforthisofcourse has posted the most interesting ‘confessions’ I have ever heard about her children, and I read the whole thread in the hope someone would ask @Anonforthisofcourse more questions.

@Anonforthisofcourse do you have a diagnosis? I don’t know enough about PDs but would you be considered a psychopath (albeit one who doesn’t seem likely to go on a murder spree 🙏).

super fascinating IMO.

No I’m not.

Narcissism is a personality trait or a personality type involving excessive self-interest, a grandiose view of their own talents and a craving for admiration.

NPD is a mental health condition, relatively rare in the population, involving pathological narcissism. Personality disorders involve significant impairment of social and professional functioning, difficulty regulating emotions, impulsivity, disordered thinking etc. They are pervasive, maladaptive and chronic.

All people with NPD are narcissists, not all people who could be described as narcissists or narcissistic, have NPD - most don’t.

The only reason I asked about the avoidance of diagnosis is because I thought I was a narcissist, but actually I was just chronically depressed and the narcissim is part of that.

Thinking that I had any type of influence over other people (even in a small way) gave me a sense power that I wasn't getting anywhere else. I was also immensley proud of this at the time, but now I look back at it being a bit cringy.

Having worked in a clinical role with a diagnostic component, I also am skeptical of anyone who describes themselves as something akin to a disorder without having been assessed by a professional first.

It's a fascinating but frustrating thread. My conclusion is that something has happened to the OP - her previous posts have been normal (in the accepted sense) and insightful; thoughtful and kind even. I thought this was some guy indulging a humiliation kink, until I read previous posts. There's a very strong dissociative vibe, therein the frustration - not sure how that could be helped when not in person.

I don't think I have a personality disorder.

In your thread title and OP you literally stated that you have? 😳

Of course not all people who could be described as narcissists have PD but that’s because the word is thrown about and people confuse narcissistic traits with being a narcissist.

You can have narcissistic traits, which are personality traits.

But a narcissist is someone who has a narcissistic personality disorder.

It is literally where the word comes from.

Which part is confusing you and where are you getting your information from?

Of psychopathy?
No. I have never shared the truth of me with anyone. It would not be in my best interests to do that. I need people to believe the version of me I play. I can't do that if they know how I really feel about them.
It's not that I hate people (unless they have wronged me). I just don't feel anything for them. You could swap them out for strangers and as long as nothing changed for me then it wouldn't bother me.

I have found that as I get older it is getting harder to carry on and I have to work harder to act like I care.

Again this is incorrect. Being a “narcissist” simply means the person has narcissistic traits. It does not mean they have a PD.

The word actually comes from the myth of Narcissus - who fell in love with his own reflection in Greek mythology. It’s used to describe anyone with excessive self-admiration and self-centredness.

That must be exhausting. Why would you not just indulge yourself, and be single and entirely selfish? What motivated you to get married and become a parent? If you feel nothing, it wasn't for their sake. I think there must be something there, you must care to some degree what people think of you to have gone to such lengths to appear 'normal' (for want of a better word).

I agree with this being a fascinating thread. I’ve noticed people in either my personal or professional life, shame tends to be an underlying reason for a lot of undesirable behaviours. I’ve witnessed in this thread the OP begin to soften but then become quite protective when perhaps she felt shamed again. I think that can lead to dissociation to create some distance between the person and the perceived threat. It’s also interesting that the shamed individual often creates their own drama. Sometimes as an attempt to resolve some unfinished business but always with the same result. Reinforcing core beliefs and perceptions about the world.

OP, if you’re still on this thread, I’d recommend ‘the voice of shame’. It may be aimed more towards professionals, but I found it really insightful. Also, look into ‘narcissistic wounds’, some of the criteria may resonate.

I thought the rule of thumb was if you have to ask if you are one then you aren't one? I think I have narcissistic traits but I know I'm not one

I think your post is really interesting @SassK . I was feeling really uncomfortable thinking that I was engaging and involving myself in some sort of social shaming/ ‘humiliation kink’ of the OP; by herself and others.
I have a feeling that this conversation would be much safer and healthier for the OP to have with a trusted friend, family member or therapist - rather than with loads of strangers. That’s not denying how interesting it is to hear from someone about their psyche and personality. But I am going to leave this thread now as it feels really uncomfortable. And I wish the OP well.

I got married because I wanted to be adored.
I stayed married because my spouse loves me and does a lot for me and I enjoy knowing I am wanted and needed.

I had children because my spouse wanted children and I needed to keep benefitting from all my spouse does.

If you replaced my current spouse and children with other people who behaved in the same ways they do and did the things for me they do, I would not feel the loss of them. It's not them specifically that matter, it's what they do for me. Iyswim.

I hope we get an answer to this question.